So, I am physically back in the same place I was three years ago. Possibly even mentally, but I believe I am just that little bit more better off.
I have never had to do something so hard before, people have described me as brave, I truly hope it is not because they are stuck in the same position that I was. I'm not an asshole, it has affected me negatively. I am completely fine until I see his beautiful sad face, but I cannot just stay around to make it smile, because then it is my less beautiful face which becomes sad. I will always hold a soft spot and appreciate the calmer person he helped me become.
Now, for the mental change; I just appreciate everything so much more. I find myself daily admiring photos of friends and filling with happiness that they are in my life. Alright Jess hun, chill the fuck out. But it is so nice to spend time with people who are so fun, laugh at ridiculous things and just generally be with.
It's not even just my friends which are making me happy. I have made plans, I am starting to do the things I have always said that I wanted to do. Just doing it, fed up of talking about it, almost twenty five and still recycling my twenty one year old times. So New York for February it is. She will go to America. She will, eventually, decide how she wants to spend her time within a job, whether she will be with anyone when she is old and grey.
Being alone doesn't even scare me or make me sad. A song will come on in the car that I enjoy, I don't have petrol, I do not have money to spend (literally, it is Christmas and I decided to fucking start living my dreams - good one) but I will still turn the music up, and scream out with my entire heart with a smile on my face. Because I can you know. Yolo.
This is so disgustingly me oriented. Nothing has changed...
Ok, just a little bit more narcism... pretty tempted to go back to uni (maybe a good one this time, probs not though) and maybe do a little dancing degree huns. I think it'll be fun, and then again I think it'll be a waste of time and money. It'll all come out in the wash.
Things can only get better.
Facing the floor, I'm gonna be somebody.