Lonely water, won't you let us wander

This is the longest time I've been single, since I was 18 I've basically been in one relationship to the next, from serious to fling, to one night stands which happened four times; there's always been something.

I haven't been with anyone for over a year, (don't think I've ever mentioned that) and I mean literally with no one. Barely even flirted, well that's a lie but there is never an intention of it going anywhere other than occasional attention. And do I hate it? 80% of the time not, actually.

I do what I went, when I want, I'm not at home anymore and I do enjoy not having anyone to answer to. The lack of control has lead to some really crazy moments, some of the best. But that 20% hits home when I have no one to share the stories with. Why is it you always focus on the parts you're not happy with? Even if it is crazily small in comparison.

So here it is, a list of things which makes me consider sharing my bed again; the parts a single girl misses. My favourite memories of love.

1. Recognising the boy from, (no idea - 200 metres?) amongst the chaos just by the way his head sways from side to side. Face has no other way to react other than having the hugest grin and constantly blushing, for both counterparts, until you are within arms length and have that precious kiss

2. Having a boy remember every single word you say

3. Meeting them late at night and your conversations running well into 3am because you have no concept of time

4. Bullshit pet names you started to be funny and ended up being genuine; Pat was my babes, Chaz my angel, and Iain my hun

5. Putting the cold feet amongst the warm legs and snuggling into his back. Wake up with his arms around you. Sometimes you wake up to him saying "fucking let go of me, you're sweating". Another favourite of mine was when he woke me up to turn me around because my breath was so bad

6. Rubbing ointment into the asshole because it was so irritated. True love. Haha ointment...

7. Driving from Cornwall to Chester every other weekend to spend just 48 hours together. In the shittest Citroen AX

8. Having tv shows you both have an interest in which enables the snuggles. Netflix and chill? All my relationships have been based on that...I would like to thank Curb Your Enthusiasm, Four Rooms and Geordie Shore

9. Kissing whilst smiling. No drunken kiss with a "20" (he was 18) year old lad, or a 40 year old lesbian, even comes close to one that is familiar and heartfelt

10. Having a crazy moment of dancing and screaming weird noises and them joining in

11. Popping into your work because they couldn't wait for you to finish and come home to see you. I assume

12. Requesting Chiquitita at a dj controlled party. The dance floor basically clearing, but not even noticing because they are there. Dancing to Abba.

13. Someone saying they love you

So, you know. I've had a good time.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

My sister asked me for a few words about Robbie, I'm guessing that alongside her newly published (and second!) book she is treating me to more words about my recently beloved.

Wanna thank him for being my sidekick and moving around with me for all those years. I remember when I first got him, I would always go to bed really late because I didn't want to be without him. Even when I did go to bed, would always pop back out to say goodnight to him for one last time. I miss the surprise jumps onto the bed, where he would snuggle down and want me to stroke his ears. When I moved to Manchester, I would just put food and water onto the floor so he could spend the whole night with me. I never want to throw any clothes away because I have his beloved nibble bites in the majority. I miss giving him the broccoli stalks when I'm cooking my meals, and I still hesitate by the fresh herbs on payday for a treat. I hate going downstairs to an empty living room and not having him to feed every morning and evening. I miss just talking to him, and forgetting he doesn't have a phone when I wanted to talk to him when I was at work haha. And I'll never forget the Christmas where he got into my Quality Streets and ate my strawberry cremes! The only boy I've ever loved completely and for the entirety. No rabbit could ever be what he was, and no soul could ever match his with mine. Forever and ever in my heart xxx

Oh oh oh honey I need you round, I know, I know

Top ten songs about love. Not about the happiness of being smitten, or finding the perfect mate. But what happens afterwards; the ongoing arguments with yourself you have to deal with about making the wrong decision, when there was no way you could change his mind, and when they found love with someone else.

1. With or Without You - U2

The simple problem of ending up hating someone from being in a relationship with them, yet not being able to visualise a life without them. Just deal with it, will you Bono? It'll be fine once you forget the routines.

http://youtu.be/XmSdTa9kaiQ

2. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I can imagine just singing (screaming) this to a boy as he's walking out the door. Proper psycho/heartbreakingly sad style. Apparently poor Karen O would cry as she sang it on stage, years after writing it. "Wait; they don't love you like I love you"

http://youtu.be/oIIxlgcuQRU

3. Dancing On My Own - Robyn

Ah yes. Split up with him but now not wanting to face the fact he is over you. This also featured in one of the most emotional 'Lip Syncs' from RuPaul's Drag Race (Raven vs Jujubee), another reason to find it so sad. I like to cry to the Radio One's Live Lounge version.

 http://youtu.be/J294A-R1Cjk

4. Fuck the Pain Away - Peaches

A little bit more fun, definitely easier to dance to. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and that's that.

http://youtu.be/GmFp0I8AZqw

5. The Scientist - Coldplay

A song about things coming to an end, and desperately trying to change them back to the way things were. I am certainly one who looks back endearingly, but once that water has gone under that bridge, it is flowing only one way.

http://youtu.be/RB-RcX5DS5A

6. Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac

I've tried to holdback on listing Fleetwood Mac a lot. I could do a top ten of heartbreaking songs from them alone (definitely a post for another time) but I've decided to put Silver Springs into this one. "You'll never get away from the sound of a woman that loves you". Haunting, yet also true.

http://youtu.be/cwnnpKcP0Gw

7. Do What You Do - Noah and the Whale

Leaving someone, sometimes, is really not what you want to do, but is what is needed. A really sad break up. Just because it didn't work out with someone you really thought it would, doesn't mean it won't happen again. It will be all worth it, one day.

"When loves comes a-calling, don't forget the tune, and when love comes a-calling, don't forget the tune

And just do what you do"

http://youtu.be/CT_m1Vs1cAo

8. Teardrops - Womack and Womack

Had to feature a little disco. Perhaps looking back on a fun relationship? Cheating on them? Wishing that you hadn't? The love and fun was right there. I don't relate to this one at all, just love it a lot. "And the music don't feel like it did when I felt it with you. Nothing that I do or feel ever feels like I felt it with you"

http://youtu.be/R8AOAap6_k4

9. Magic - Coldplay

Coldplay strikes again. Oh God. Definitely the saddest. Listening to the album in it's entirity really made my drive nothing less than depressing. All of Magic though, is a perfect construction of lyrics about a life with someone ending, and one of the pair really not wanting it to, but still holding that unrequited hope that, one day, it might just come together again.

"And if you were to ask me, after all that we've been through, do I still believe in magic? Yes I do. Yes I do. Yes I do.

Of course I do"

http://youtu.be/Qtb11P1FWnc

10. Tender - Blur

And finally, the inspiration for this entire post. 'Tender' initially starting as a metaphor for the perfect aspects of the relationship, then verse after verse its meaning deteoriates, like the relationship, and ends up representing the pain. Heartbreaking injections of the chorus, pleading with both himself and his now estranged counterpart, makes it a song relatable to all; just wanting the pain to end.

This is the song that finally got me over the hurdle of my last heartbreak, I thought, if Albarn can get through it, so can Jess Sturt.

"I'm waiting for that feeling, I'm waiting for that feeling. Waiting for that feeling to come"

http://youtu.be/P_OK_H8F2g0

So er...enjoy your day.

Hawaiian air

If I could turn back time a year ago today, I would have never jumped into the car. (This is just a low from being alone and inside all day on a Saturday of the bank holiday weekend in August)

Just wanna be with my friends, feeling mega mega lonely.

Now that I'm older, my heart colder

I have got to that time in my life, like most twenty somethings, where pretty much all my friends, family, and acquaintances are really achieving that family they've always wanted. And this post is simply to enforce, that it is ok to maybe be 'behind' where we thought we may have been ten years ago. Not that most of us need this; we are more than content with the lives we have.

I would like to stress that this feeling has not been put on me by the friends who have their families, this is purely based on self assessment. I do not doubt decisions my friends have made, and I support them 100%. I am not envious, nor am I self congratulatory; I am just living my life like they are living theirs.

I went back to my home town for a break and the obligatory question of whether I have found a boyfriend (sometimes 'yet' - cheers) popped up in almost every conversation I had; I don't. And it's not really an issue for me at the moment. I might have a hen do that you guys can come along to, I might not. If I don't, I am sure we can still arrange some crazy weekends away. My life is not on pause remotely.

Sometimes I do think I'm slower at progressing than the rest of everyone; I am 26, I am still working in a job I've been doing since I graduated, but I am doing what I can to make it better. I moved to a city where there are jobs! And the jobs are within fields I am interested in, and I've made some great friends.
Sometimes my Facebook uploads of people's feet falling out of their shoes (LOL) may seem inadequate to the beautiful photos of the two little girls on their first family holiday in Tenerife, but it's all relative. I adore how those girls have grown into minis of my friends, but I went out at the weekend and my friend wasn't allowed back into a bar because of the state of her feet, it's still funny no matter how you look at it.

I have always suffered at the hands of the grass is always greener syndrome, but I'm now happy to announce that I am more than content at where I am right now, maybe more than I have ever been. If I am able to find a guy who doesn't turn me into a complete psycho the second I fall in love with them, then ideal. Baby? Bonus absolutely. But I will cross that bridge when I get to it, if I get to it. It's not a bridge I'm too focussed on. I just want a nice car, to laze around in my dressing gown until almost 3pm and sleep when I want, for however long. For the moment anyway.

Don't get me wrong, there are times I'm cruising in my less nice car (still great though) with the tunes up loud, thinking how good it would be to have a little person by my side having fun with me, but I don't think my brain could ever prepare for something like that. It would have to be a complete accident, where hopefully, if I continue living the life I am, I'll have a nice enough life to bring him into.

Reviewing this post, it does seem like an attack of the singles vs the families, which is completely contradictory to my intentions. There are just some people also in my position, that only focus on what they aren't doing as opposed to what they are. A girl was well on track to start her happy family, her partner cheats and her drive to leave him quivers due to the lack of wanting to start all over again. To be back to where she was two years ago. Luckily she's pulled herself together, I wish her all the strength in the world to see this as a blessing to meet more new people, learn new things and to use this time to better herself. It is not a step backward, it is a step into the unknown where she can do whatever she wants. And that is a good thing.

Life is all about timing; you can meet someone, marry someone, buy a house, start a family, expand that family. Sometimes the fun of going out and then coming back to a home you built with a friend, singing songs by Adele until 3 in the morning gets in the way of meeting someone. Completely selfish, but surely if you didn't have children when you did, what would you be doing right now? That's what I'm doing. All I want to do is sing with my friends...I'm kidding. But I have been dealt with a hand including a full time job, living in a great city, completely single, honest and loyal friends and there's a whole load of fun thrown in there.

The key thing in life is happiness, some may find it within a family, a partner, a career, travelling. Just need to keep that in mind instead of feeling unnecessary pressures. Love what you have; we are all right where we are supposed to be.

All my life I was blind, I was blind, now I see

So, all of my shit is finally all in one place. Spent the last couple of days trying to find permanent homes for it all. So, let me give a rundown on just how ridiculous I am...

A small cabinet next to my bed full of notebooks and diaries. A bag full of hats, a bag full of tights, two small suitcases of bags.

A chest of drawers with pyjamas and bikinis in top drawer, followed by one with tops, then shorts and skirts and then finally trousers and leggings.

A wardrobe with maxi dresses, to midi dresses, to dresses going from red to purple, with all gradient shades at the end. Then there's jumpsuits, when I have enough hangers I'll put in my long vest tops, tops with sleeves and shirts. The long cardigans and light jackets filter in at the end.

Jumpers and cardigans are folded up beneath the dresses, then high heeled shoes next to them.

A suitcase full of sentimental shit I just can't put anywhere; full of boxes for gifts which are on display, a glass from my 18th birthday, a dvd player box full of loose bits of tat all revolved around my ex boyfriend Pat, newspapers I don't want to get rid of, and magazines I am yet to browse. Folders full of letters from friends at school and my sister's artwork.

Do you think that I have a whole box full of every single card I've received since the age of 11? Of course I have. Christmas, birthday, leaving, Valentine's, you name it, I'm still holding onto it.

Really nice to look through sometimes...fucking hell.

Prefered the house without all the shit in it. Oh, and I've had to spread my vast amount of clothing to downstairs. There's four nice hooks  by the front door almost coming out of the plaster with all my scarves, coats and jackets on it. With a nice double tiered shoe rack underneath for all my boots and flats. No room at all for my housemate, bet he loves it. I'm sure he'll complain when he opens the front door to the mustiness of the coats I never wear.

All these outfits, and I work full time where I have to wear a uniform. 

If I could turn back time

If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have screamed down the phone at you because you said you'd be an hour when I wanted it to only be five minutes.

The case was always that you'd over compensate with time when I knew that in pretty much all circumstances, you'd be leaving in a second.

You could have met my wonderful friends who I had an absolutely lovely evening with today. And maybe you would have been with me there tonight too.

It's definitely not the most important thing I'd change, but tonight, it's laying pretty heavy on my heart.

What happened?

I rented a van

So, basically I didn't move all my treasures up north because I didn't think the move would last. But it has, and now I'm making plans, so with my cushty 17 consecutive days off, I am finally moving all of myself up.

I had arranged the car hiring agency to pick me up at 9am so I could get back and be with my huns as soon as possible, the driver was a little late, but not enough to put me in a mood. We got into the car and followed the sat nav's instructions which were coming up from his knee...my routine completely, but I don't provide a car agency service. Stop it Jess.

So we get to the offices around 9:20am, and I have to fill in the contract forms. At this time my man's colleague makes eye contact and struts over, attractive. Was very welcoming to the attention. He asked about the use of the van, so I explained about the situation; moving up etc. Asked why I moved here; could have gone with the career route, could have even whipped out the old "just fancied it", both of which are true. I decide to provide the most attention seeking one though and bring up the fucking relationship which didn't work out.

He totally wanted it. I am basing this on eye contact from within an office when I come out from using the public toilet. Do you think I just make this shit up in my head? Gets me through the day though. Look forward to returning the van.

Anyway, so my original guy takes me out to the van, tries selling me the additional bullshit which is just extra payments. Really proud at how I can just say no now, just flat out no. He asks why, do you know what I say back? Because I deal with things as they come instead of preparing for things that might not happen. First she wants a lift and now she's a philosopher. With that he sends me on my merry way. I spend about five minutes trying to work out how to adjust the mirrors, you can't. And then another two minutes trying to put the van in reverse. I somehow blagged it onto the motorway, and then my little journey began.

You have no idea how nice it is to have electric windows after manually winding them down for four years. Or how perfect it is to turn the music up and it not be distorted. I was absolutely cruising down the fast lane, average speed of around 80 after I had got through the mess which is Birmingham. Overtaking lane uphill? No longer an issue mate, fuck you and your Audi's.

Had just a few crap cereal biscuits for breakfast, so was smoking to keep me awake. The fags made my mouth taste so gross I had to drink a lot. The traffic jam around Birmingham had taken up an hour of my time so I stopped prematurely to my plans to accommodate my bladder. Panic set in as I had to slow down and park up, managed a nice little bay park though. Saw an ambulance being picked up by a recovery team, clambered out of the van and caught the guy staring up my sweaty dress. No shame. Walked to toilet, saw a text from a friend which included an amusing video from the drunken Sunday morning the day before. Had a crap conversation with an elderly woman about the sensors on the taps and then resumed the journey. No more stopping until Barnstaple now, I said to myself.

Full speed ahead out of the car park, the radio is playing Lionel Ritchie. Fed up of the taste of water, so moved onto my low sugar Red Bull. I hit Bristol and think I really do not have far to go now, I really should stop again before I wet myself. So I stopped at Michaelwood I believe, had to walk all the way to the service station due to being scared of stopping anywhere near any existing parked cars. Urinated, and moved on.

No more stops until home now, less than three hours to go. Wow, I really will make it around 4pm. I get off at junction 27, that was the name of a college band, good one, and head down the link road to very familiar territory. I am 30 miles away from Barnstaple, which means around 60 miles away from Bude, but the thought has already penetrated my mind, and it's all I can think about. I will definitely end up wetting myself.

Just looking to the left and my eyes lighting up at every blue P I came across, then ultimate disdain when the layby soon arrived and there was nothing but concrete against a high bank of grass. I really did not want to publicly wee, I am too old for this shit.

My relief would highten at the amount of blue P's there were, one after the other. All displaying the same lack of facilities. I decided the kind of shit I am not too old for, is getting into the back of the van and pissing in a bottle. I didn't really preempt it, just kinda parked up and thought ok I'll do that.

So there's a parked BMW in front of the van, I'm a little concerned because I don't want them thinking I'm mental. So I open up the back doors and casually jump in, shutting them behind me. I take the bottle top off, and manage to place it so perfectly, I didn't spill a drop. Thank God. And then, to make it seem less strange, I rummage through the massive suitcase I brought with me to hold my clothes for a week (I actually never, ever, ever wear that top - why did I think this time around I would?!) and try to find my phone charger so that the people in the BMW think it's some sort of wire I need to play music, and that it why I was in the back of the van...

After around ten seconds of searching, I can't find it. Then I think, fuck it, I don't know them. I hired this van, I can use it to shield my public pisses if I want to. Then really hoped there wasn't any cameras within the van. Returning it to the handsome man could be a little different to what I had planned. Planned? Sometimes I make up scenarios in my head; he was going to offer me a job there. So mental.

Anyway, I am near home now, that will be the last stop because I had drank all the Red Bull and now I had soiled my only other drinking device. So I go on to open the doors. Nope. No deal. Looking around for any kind of handle, pulling at it, no movement. I fiddle with the keys, locking and unlocking the back doors, still nothing. Search for my phone, it's in the front of the van. Of course it is. I play around with the metal mesh, separating the front from the back, no way I can move it whatsoever. I think about screaming for the BMW couple, ultimate panic. At this point, really hoping there isn't a camera in the back. I scramble around at the doors for a further few minutes, wanting to cry and laugh at the same time. And then I see there's a sliding door to the side, and it opened immediately. So much relief.

Jumped back in the front of the van, slowly creeped past BMW; a man all snuggled and sleeping, oh thank God. And then I continue home. And I don't stop again until I hit the nice little right turn at the church and I'm at Flexbury Park Road.

Dad helped me get my things in from the car, passed him the bottle with the biggest smile on my face. He bloody loved it.

Under a sky no one sees

Simply just five songs, played at random, and what they mean to me. A Jess Sturt classic.



Still Life by The Horrors



First heard it in the summer of 2012 I believe. I was in a relationship with a guy with the coolest music taste;



On one of our walks home after a night out, we lived around two miles away from the town centre, we were discussing the rubbish choice of music that had been playing in the only local 'club'; the reasoning for our premature departure. Chaz was angry that Mr Brightside was played; he had been a huge fan of The Killers and he hated how the majority of their other brilliant songs were completely disregarded to make way for this hugely commercially successful one. He just probably really enjoyed Andy You're A Star (hey, it's one of my favourites). I continued our debate by announcing how I felt the exact same about Sex on Fire by the Kings of Leon.



So, this was constantly played on Radio 1 during my twenty minute drive from Bude to Bradworthy, really made the journey. Chaz did like to remind me however, that The Horrors had been around for a long old time, and I had turned into one of the people I hated; only aware of the hits. So I told him I would use the appreciation in a way that I did with most musical interests, and back track to hear everything they had ever done.



Two years later, I am in New York, with no other entries from The Horrors (sorrysorrysorry) on my iTunes. It is my last day and I have finally understood how to walk around the city. Walking one block to realise that I had gone the wrong way was yesterday's news. So here I was, headphones in, and navigating my little self from the MET to 34th Street completely unaided. I got to Madison Square Gardens and sat down with my journal and wrote about my perfect week break with Still Life playing. I laughed to myself at the thought of being the most pretentious little asshole. I had had a good time though.



The Girls by Calvin Harris



Just reminds of when I first turned 18 and went out drinking and dancing officially for the first time. I had the dance routine down to a tee. I knew exactly when to point to myself (white girls, Italian girls, short girls, blonde girls, carrying a little bit of weight girls).



Completely threw me when I dyed my hair red though.



Tea for the Tillerman by Cat Stevens



Downloaded after I discovered how much I love Ricky Gervais and Extras. Turned out to be a song I used to test how much I would get on with the next potential boyfriend; he knew exactly where it was from, I knew we were going to have a good time.



Sao Paulo by The Guillemots



I had bought Through The Windowpane during my second year at college after hearing a live version of Trains to Brazil on an early Channel 4 music programme and it had blew my little mind. The album was very much out of my comfort zone, what with all the cellos and pianos and other crazy instruments. This eleven minuter is an absolute masterpiece, need to listen to it within it's entirety to fully appreciate it though, but I persevered. Sometimes I could cry for miles.



My most favourite ever, ever ending to a song ever. Keep aware of the time up to around the 6 minute mark where perfection kicks in.



Have you ever been thrown across the water

Till there's no skin left on your bones


Thrown across water 

Thrown across water 

Thrown across water

Like a stone


Get me a doctor

Who will get rid of my bones
Get me a lover

Who will leave my head alone
Get me a soldier

Who will fight me in this war
Get me an exit

I need an exit

I need a window or door


Get me a lawyer

Who will sue the world for me
Get me a person

Who isn't me
Cuz I'm getting tired

I'm getting tired

Of my stupid little face
I don't belong here

I don't belong here

Don't belong in this horse race

Yeah...and when I showed my boyfriend it, he was not impressed at all. So to remind me that he may still be good even though he prefers Ice Cube to guitars, he did a really silly dance to the instruments at the end to which I would clutch onto my gut with laughter as I admired. Amazing lyrics though. CHILL OUT JESS.

Ok, final song is...

A Certain Romance by Arctic Monkeys

That summer where we smoked loads of 'gear' at Goodwill and Air got really good on the guitar. I told him the songs I wanted him to learn, I printed off the lyrics and then we saw what we could do. Nailed this on Summerleaze beach. Pretty sure I have a recording of us doing the Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash somewhere...those were the days.

Can't wait for the day when I reminisce on Jess Glynne's Hold My Hand and remember how great Manchester has been for me this year. Having an absolute ball, but really wasting my days off.

I've never met a girl like you before

January 5th 1975

Dear Dave,

Hoping that you are as well as I am. Isn't time flying? Things are not so good here in England. Prices have risen shockingly high and we're all wondering how we're going to survive. I've not spent large amounts of money these last few weeks in an endeavour to save our money to help us in the future. But even so I'm shutting out all realities and trying to enjoy, well being happy for the moment.

Your present to my mum and dad have been admired by all who enter our home. Mary Masters, in particular, is struck by the beauty of it as for me daren't look at it too long as I may get depressed no thats not the word, slightly low in spirits. My period is over so I'm feeling much happier and emotionally ready to cope with anything.

Do you remember that you didn't want me to work in a factory in case I had my fingers chopped off, well I'm not doing so badly even at B.H.S last Friday I was coming from the stockroom with a few boxes which were required by Doreen, my supervisor. To get to my department I had to pass the sweet counter. Unfortunately a flap off the box caught one of the basket sections and sent it flying to the floor. Sweets went everywhere. Unluckily at that moment, a man, a Mr Denton from H.Q, was in the store looking for imperfections. We hurriedly put the sweets into the basket before the manager and Mr. Denton spotted us. In doing so I didn't notice the broken glass which was sticking up like a spearhead. Blood gushed out. There was no pain and I just looked for a few mins. Then as the blood was falling to the floor, I hurried to a back room and held a towel tight against it. At that particular moment, Mr. Goddard and Mr. Denton walked in. Mr. Denton was full of concern when he saw how deep the wound was. I could sense that Mr. Goddard wasn't too pleased at my inefficiency, well neither was I. I hurried away to the sickroom and I was given some treatment. The staff manageress came rushing in and was annoyed to find that it was only me, that the fuss was about, and not a customer. I could have laughed at her expression when she saw me. Anyway about 5 mins later I was working, perhaps not as efficiently as before but my hand was sore. It's still a wee bit sore and I've got a plaster over it as I'd hate infection setting in. As I was leaving that evening, Mr. Goddard said that Mr. Denton had asked if I'd needed a blood transfusion and he would have come and held my hand.

You know how I can talk to anyone well yesterday I went to catch a 'bus, the routes have changed, and I was making my way for the link road when I saw the 'bus come round so I ran like the clappers, (I'm sure I'm losing weight) when the driver, in sympathy stopped just before the stop to pick me up. Luckily for me the driver had made a mistake and should have been in Cropston. Unfortunately for him a car had been sent out to see if the lads were on time and on the right route. This car spotted us and the driver said that if anyone rang in to ask where the 'bus was in Cropston it would meant the sack for him. We spent the journey talking to one another, all the time.

I managed to read 3 stories (books) yesterday and all I could dream about was you. I spent an hour trying to get to sleep but my thoughts were full of you. You see, there was an advert, last night, with "has beans" involved which brought back the memory of the meal we had with the beans on toast when I said that they weren't Heinz beans and you said that they were "Has beans". Someone's bruited your idea. By the way I came across one sock the other day, yours of course.

The bed spread if now well and truly finished and in my opinion looks very professional. Before you say anything, mum Sturt likes it as well. The newyears day brought some sadness 'cos you are so like your father. Certain mannerisms that you've both got are so appealing and loveable that I could have looked at him all night. He laughed practically all evening. I'm afraid that I've picked up some of your remarks and unconsciously they come out in my speech. Several times. Mum Sturt said that I'd picked up Sturt phrases.

The new shoes you purchased for me have been polished with honest to goodness polish and not kiwi soldier stuff. Are you satisfied, my dear David.

About half an hour ago I had just finished a book called, "Rendezvous in Cyprus" by Barbara Toy. No it's not a romance. This woman went to Cyprus and went around the island in a land rover. It so impressed me that 2 hours went by and the book was finished. Thanks to the book my enthusiasm has returned for Cyprus and I would like to see the island returned to peacefulness and love. Unrealistic you say but it could be done. What you said about the cats tallied with what was written. What you both didn't agree upon was the fact that they weren't flea bitten as you suggested.

Your "need" for lying in has now rubbed onto me because on my days off I feel very deprived if I have to get up before 9 o'clock. By the way, the letter before this one answered the one that was posted in England and I have received the one that you wrote on the 21st. Thank you for that letter. It bucked me up. It's great hearing from you.

Now I'm going to turn to knitting. Lots of love Maria.

P.T.O

Have enclosed something that might amuse you I know my writing is erratic but please persevere and decipher it (ha!ha!).

All the love in the world, Maria.

P.S I am now on the last lap where the pullover is concerned and that means that I have only one sleeve left to do and then I'm finished. My only worry is that it may be too big!!! I only hope you like it.

Love U xxxx.