So, I am physically back in the same place I was three years ago. Possibly even mentally, but I believe I am just that little bit more better off.
I have never had to do something so hard before, people have described me as brave, I truly hope it is not because they are stuck in the same position that I was. I'm not an asshole, it has affected me negatively. I am completely fine until I see his beautiful sad face, but I cannot just stay around to make it smile, because then it is my less beautiful face which becomes sad. I will always hold a soft spot and appreciate the calmer person he helped me become.
Now, for the mental change; I just appreciate everything so much more. I find myself daily admiring photos of friends and filling with happiness that they are in my life. Alright Jess hun, chill the fuck out. But it is so nice to spend time with people who are so fun, laugh at ridiculous things and just generally be with.
It's not even just my friends which are making me happy. I have made plans, I am starting to do the things I have always said that I wanted to do. Just doing it, fed up of talking about it, almost twenty five and still recycling my twenty one year old times. So New York for February it is. She will go to America. She will, eventually, decide how she wants to spend her time within a job, whether she will be with anyone when she is old and grey.
Being alone doesn't even scare me or make me sad. A song will come on in the car that I enjoy, I don't have petrol, I do not have money to spend (literally, it is Christmas and I decided to fucking start living my dreams - good one) but I will still turn the music up, and scream out with my entire heart with a smile on my face. Because I can you know. Yolo.
This is so disgustingly me oriented. Nothing has changed...
Ok, just a little bit more narcism... pretty tempted to go back to uni (maybe a good one this time, probs not though) and maybe do a little dancing degree huns. I think it'll be fun, and then again I think it'll be a waste of time and money. It'll all come out in the wash.
Things can only get better.
Facing the floor, I'm gonna be somebody.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The way you walk, the rhythm while you're dancing
I always found myself rather lucky when it came to lack of regrets; I’d never slept with anyone too ugly or rubbish and I always had fun with everything I did. I would always happily state that I never had a regret in life, or would imply that my current terrible hair colour would be it. Which is fine, because it’s the colour of bloody hair. Obviously I’ve woken up on Sunday mornings, feeling complete horror when remembering the antics which occurred the night before; who doesn’t? But it’s never been, in hindsight, that much of a big deal.
During college years, I fell very close to my friend, Becky. She opened my eyes to a lot of things; fashion, music and general values. I guess I'd always had the same voice as her, she just helped me make mine louder without realising it. After college, we went our separate ways; me up North, and she trundled along to the capital. One holiday came along, where we both found ourselves at the same place at the same time, and on a drunk summery day, cherry Lambrini in tow, she asked me why on earth we decided to watch The Klaxons over the Smashing Pumpkins when we went to the Reading Festival in 2007. We drunkenly laughed at our stupidity of missing out on rock legends, which we had always admired, for a band we had only had a summer fling with.
So, that was it, after that, I would tell everyone that my biggest regret in life, was watching The Klaxons play over The Smashing Pumpkins.
The whole time at the festival had been somewhat awkward; all college friends had been put back together after a summer apart due to some great idea we had about 8 months prior when we all still talked. We weren’t the gang we once were. We had grown apart but were forced to share a tent. I had been arguing with my boyfriend on the phone the whole time because we were just shit with each other, so the experience wasn’t looking too great.
The final night came, and along with it, vomit. We sat down at the back of the dance tent, wondering why on earth no one else had chose this delightful area. I put my hair behind my ear and then I smelt the reason why…but we continue to wait for the Klaxons. We somehow got hold of glow sticks, just in time for the best bassline I’d ever heard, it was the best bassline we’d all ever heard. We stood from our sticky seats, and for the first time, we laughed off the half consumed carrot on my fucking sleeve and we bloody danced. All was forgotten, or remembered if you like, and we were friends again. The mutual acknowledgement of the quality music brought us back to where we started out. We didn’t know what we were dancing to, but it was too good not to.
Five years later, I’m in Bristol with my (next) boyfriend, we’re killing time waiting to watch a band later that evening. So we pop into HMV, naturally, it’s one of my favourite places to spend time and money. After H+M. So there we are, and I stumble across a blu ray disc titled “Shut Up And Play The Hits”, I pick it up and read the blurb; how on earth did I miss out on LCD Soundsystem’s final ever show? I absolutely adored them! Their album Sound of Silver is one of those cds which I can put in my player and listen to for days. I had even leant it to three colleagues of mine, trying to spread the word about them (two of them were boys I fancied, trying to impress them with my fantastic musical knowledge). So I bought it and we took it home.
So, days later, I find myself with, finally, some spare time, and this fabulous blu ray disc. I put it on and find myself drawing the curtains, turning the volume up and dancing around my living room. It was as if I was there. I sit down and watch the rest of the dvd, in utter awe of the fabulous band and the even more fabulous songs. They were so perfectly constructed. So right up my street.
So, using my forever faithful hindsight, I take back my biggest regret as not seeing little Billy Corgan rock out, because it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. If it wasn’t for that, I would have never discovered the fantastic LCD Soundsystem. And I never would have passed on their work to the beautiful boys.
So, this brings me back to where I started from, not having a biggest regret in life. Which isn’t a bad place to be in at all. Well, apart from the shit colour of my hair…but you know what, I’ll settle for that.
During college years, I fell very close to my friend, Becky. She opened my eyes to a lot of things; fashion, music and general values. I guess I'd always had the same voice as her, she just helped me make mine louder without realising it. After college, we went our separate ways; me up North, and she trundled along to the capital. One holiday came along, where we both found ourselves at the same place at the same time, and on a drunk summery day, cherry Lambrini in tow, she asked me why on earth we decided to watch The Klaxons over the Smashing Pumpkins when we went to the Reading Festival in 2007. We drunkenly laughed at our stupidity of missing out on rock legends, which we had always admired, for a band we had only had a summer fling with.
So, that was it, after that, I would tell everyone that my biggest regret in life, was watching The Klaxons play over The Smashing Pumpkins.
The whole time at the festival had been somewhat awkward; all college friends had been put back together after a summer apart due to some great idea we had about 8 months prior when we all still talked. We weren’t the gang we once were. We had grown apart but were forced to share a tent. I had been arguing with my boyfriend on the phone the whole time because we were just shit with each other, so the experience wasn’t looking too great.
The final night came, and along with it, vomit. We sat down at the back of the dance tent, wondering why on earth no one else had chose this delightful area. I put my hair behind my ear and then I smelt the reason why…but we continue to wait for the Klaxons. We somehow got hold of glow sticks, just in time for the best bassline I’d ever heard, it was the best bassline we’d all ever heard. We stood from our sticky seats, and for the first time, we laughed off the half consumed carrot on my fucking sleeve and we bloody danced. All was forgotten, or remembered if you like, and we were friends again. The mutual acknowledgement of the quality music brought us back to where we started out. We didn’t know what we were dancing to, but it was too good not to.
Five years later, I’m in Bristol with my (next) boyfriend, we’re killing time waiting to watch a band later that evening. So we pop into HMV, naturally, it’s one of my favourite places to spend time and money. After H+M. So there we are, and I stumble across a blu ray disc titled “Shut Up And Play The Hits”, I pick it up and read the blurb; how on earth did I miss out on LCD Soundsystem’s final ever show? I absolutely adored them! Their album Sound of Silver is one of those cds which I can put in my player and listen to for days. I had even leant it to three colleagues of mine, trying to spread the word about them (two of them were boys I fancied, trying to impress them with my fantastic musical knowledge). So I bought it and we took it home.
So, days later, I find myself with, finally, some spare time, and this fabulous blu ray disc. I put it on and find myself drawing the curtains, turning the volume up and dancing around my living room. It was as if I was there. I sit down and watch the rest of the dvd, in utter awe of the fabulous band and the even more fabulous songs. They were so perfectly constructed. So right up my street.
So, using my forever faithful hindsight, I take back my biggest regret as not seeing little Billy Corgan rock out, because it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. If it wasn’t for that, I would have never discovered the fantastic LCD Soundsystem. And I never would have passed on their work to the beautiful boys.
So, this brings me back to where I started from, not having a biggest regret in life. Which isn’t a bad place to be in at all. Well, apart from the shit colour of my hair…but you know what, I’ll settle for that.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I have to battle months on end to get anything sorted
I am currently in the middle of two internet 'challenges', the first being a March Photo Challenge on Instagram; a chosen topic for each day, but also the One Month Squat Challenge; to make my bum beautiful.
Tomorrow's photo topic is 'Best Friend', but as I'm going on an all day course, alone, I thought I'd see what I can conjure up prematurely. So I looked through all my Facebook pictures, and bunged them in an app to make a collage.
Of course, this sounds trivial, but I really struggled to fill those 6 squares appropriately. The first one I did, it missed out the person who is probably closest to me, due to the compromise of wanting to hold on to the old friends. It just looked good to have them in the photo. So I made a ruthless decision to take out the old, just for now anyway. Maybe they can make an appearance next year when we can both make an effort to see each other.
The next one I did, really focussed on the new friendships I have made. Really new. In fact most people in my life have no idea how I can consider this man as one of my best friends because I have to kind of hide it in some way. However, putting him in made me unintentionally exclude a friend neither old or new, but still ever present none the less. I had also reluctantly not included one of my oldest, nearest and dearest in both versions. So I decided to start up again.
So, the final version. I took out the inappropriately new, as well as the 'not wanting to let go' old, and I arrived to a collage of my best friends.
Louise, a friend I found in a colleague. It's amazing how a place can bring people together; two completely mental and potentially psychologically ill girls, who have the same views on relationships, crap girls and, most importantly, food.
Janine. My friend from college. Met her on the first day, went to different unis, studied the same thing, got the same degree result and then ended up working in the same shop. It was fate. My closest. Forever in my heart.
Piti, a beautiful girl who gave me a holiday of a lifetime. Stuck with me during my stubborn ways and sunstroke days. And still talks to me this day. No matter how long we haven't spoke, we always pick it right back up from what we left off.
Air, again like Piti, we don't get to see each other often, but when we do it's as if there's never been a hiatus. Two minds which are the same. It feels like coming home when we talk; not a single worry in the world and complete understanding.
Toby. My comedian. The nicest and funniest man in history, with a sense of humour which is one in a million. Basically, a complete weirdo who laughs and promotes your shit jokes because your just as weird too. Lucky I found him.
Finally, my huns, my soul mates since the tender age of 11.
Sometimes I like to dwell on things that don't even matter? And then spend half an hour writing about it. That's why I'm so fucking mental, and have a cupboard dedicated to my bullshit scribblings and crazy theories. Which are probably all true...
As for the squat challenge, I'm only 6 days in so not too much to report, but I have surprised myself with the motivation and will power I have. Always always always doubt myself. Who would have thought I would have turned out the self deprecating fool?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tomorrow's photo topic is 'Best Friend', but as I'm going on an all day course, alone, I thought I'd see what I can conjure up prematurely. So I looked through all my Facebook pictures, and bunged them in an app to make a collage.
Of course, this sounds trivial, but I really struggled to fill those 6 squares appropriately. The first one I did, it missed out the person who is probably closest to me, due to the compromise of wanting to hold on to the old friends. It just looked good to have them in the photo. So I made a ruthless decision to take out the old, just for now anyway. Maybe they can make an appearance next year when we can both make an effort to see each other.
The next one I did, really focussed on the new friendships I have made. Really new. In fact most people in my life have no idea how I can consider this man as one of my best friends because I have to kind of hide it in some way. However, putting him in made me unintentionally exclude a friend neither old or new, but still ever present none the less. I had also reluctantly not included one of my oldest, nearest and dearest in both versions. So I decided to start up again.
So, the final version. I took out the inappropriately new, as well as the 'not wanting to let go' old, and I arrived to a collage of my best friends.
Louise, a friend I found in a colleague. It's amazing how a place can bring people together; two completely mental and potentially psychologically ill girls, who have the same views on relationships, crap girls and, most importantly, food.
Janine. My friend from college. Met her on the first day, went to different unis, studied the same thing, got the same degree result and then ended up working in the same shop. It was fate. My closest. Forever in my heart.
Piti, a beautiful girl who gave me a holiday of a lifetime. Stuck with me during my stubborn ways and sunstroke days. And still talks to me this day. No matter how long we haven't spoke, we always pick it right back up from what we left off.
Air, again like Piti, we don't get to see each other often, but when we do it's as if there's never been a hiatus. Two minds which are the same. It feels like coming home when we talk; not a single worry in the world and complete understanding.
Toby. My comedian. The nicest and funniest man in history, with a sense of humour which is one in a million. Basically, a complete weirdo who laughs and promotes your shit jokes because your just as weird too. Lucky I found him.
Finally, my huns, my soul mates since the tender age of 11.
Sometimes I like to dwell on things that don't even matter? And then spend half an hour writing about it. That's why I'm so fucking mental, and have a cupboard dedicated to my bullshit scribblings and crazy theories. Which are probably all true...
As for the squat challenge, I'm only 6 days in so not too much to report, but I have surprised myself with the motivation and will power I have. Always always always doubt myself. Who would have thought I would have turned out the self deprecating fool?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Fore Street,Stratton,United Kingdom
Friday, March 15, 2013
Saturday, March 09, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
This evolutionary invention was incredibly complex
It's amazing what power can be held if you are physically attractive.
I knew I was having a good day when I lived up North, as I would have to cross a busy road every day for uni which could take around 10 minutes. If I wore a belt in the right place, or actually washed my hair, cars would actually break and stop all the people behind.
I know I'm having a good day, now that I'm living back down South, when I walk through my town centre, and a girl from my year who has mutually avoided my eye contact since 2005, says "Hey Jess" from within a shop. She was heavily pregnant, which was a surprise. If our eyes meet again, and my hair remains grease free, I'll talk to her about it.
I wonder what this week has in store for me. Confirmations on all levels, it is exciting and nervewracking. I really need to hold my composure, and yet relax. This time next week could be a whole new ballgame.
Tomorrow I'm seeing the creators of Anna Sun! Hasn't set in yet, always better to not be excited! Take it as it comes, you know? Can't believe how much this week has in store actually. I should do things like this more often.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I knew I was having a good day when I lived up North, as I would have to cross a busy road every day for uni which could take around 10 minutes. If I wore a belt in the right place, or actually washed my hair, cars would actually break and stop all the people behind.
I know I'm having a good day, now that I'm living back down South, when I walk through my town centre, and a girl from my year who has mutually avoided my eye contact since 2005, says "Hey Jess" from within a shop. She was heavily pregnant, which was a surprise. If our eyes meet again, and my hair remains grease free, I'll talk to her about it.
I wonder what this week has in store for me. Confirmations on all levels, it is exciting and nervewracking. I really need to hold my composure, and yet relax. This time next week could be a whole new ballgame.
Tomorrow I'm seeing the creators of Anna Sun! Hasn't set in yet, always better to not be excited! Take it as it comes, you know? Can't believe how much this week has in store actually. I should do things like this more often.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Fore Street,Stratton,United Kingdom
Friday, February 15, 2013
Roll away your stone, I'll roll away mine. Together we can see what we will find...
Don't leave me alone at this time. For I'm afraid of what I may discover inside.
I knew something was going to erupt throughout the birthday period! Told you so.
Earlier on in the week, I was reunited with a soul I used to never be apart from, I had desperately wanted to see him since our friendship had hit a two year hiatus. But my confidence was knocked after we no longer understood eachother's humour, and we would talk over each other constantly, no longer knowing when the stories had finished. We didn't even discuss why he'd so ruthlessly cut me out of his life.
Things got better and we arranged to meet again later, with our third musketeer. It was just as uncomfortable, even with the addition of Southern Comfort. I kept thinking, am I being too loud? Am I being too naughty? What is he going to go back and tell his partner?
It wasn't this that got me down though. For when Thursday came again, and the three of us met up for lunch, everything clicked into place. We were united again, laughing at bad circumstances thrown at us, laughing at bad circumstances that we had managed to avoid, just generally laughing. We had finally got to that wonderful state we were in years ago. And I had never had so much fun.
So maybe it was the haircut disaster? I had had lunch with another old friend, discussed the same stuff we ever do, and also of haircuts. It was both enlightening and moreish; we really must make it a regular occurrence, for his sanity more than mine. My time for the haircut came, so lunch ended.
I trundled out for a few miles, got the dye on (just a brown please) and then waited for it to develop. The past few weeks, all I had imagined was what I could potentially look like on my birthday night out, with a gorgeous little jumpsuit I'd bought and my new gorgeously chocolated hair. Not a faded red in sight!
It came to the exciting time of washing it out, and I'm glad I'd opted to do it alone, as I nearly bursted into tears the second I saw red wash out in the water. What the fuck is this?! I was so angry. Not only will I have to dye it again so soon, but my poor beautiful outfit. Ruined!
I didn't even get it blow dried, just cut and I went home. Avoiding the mirrors in the car at all costs, sometimes failing to do so made me see the dark purple mess on my head. I went home and cried, pathetic I know! But, as I texted my friend who I had lunch with prior to the disaster; there is no surprise to leaving a hairdressers unsatisfied. Actual story of my life.
It wasn't this though, for I straightened it and bunged some make up on and I actually looked really nice...really nice!
Even girly night, after being made late, I thought, there is no way in hell they will make me cake or get me a present; something we do for all our birthdays. I thought I would be forgotten. But alas, I could not have been more wrong. They hadn't forgotten me at all, and it was a fantastic present!
So, the big day. Let's just reel off the FANTASTICNESS of it. Tickets to see Fleetwood Mac, that's right. THE Fleetwood Mac, original Rumours line up, minus my Christine McVie which is a shame because I'm really enjoying her right now. Yeah so, best ever right? Once in a lifetime opportunity, so good. And my bloody Papa gave me a photo of my car; at first I thought he was just highlighting my love of photos, after he explained to me it meant the car was now mine, all debts written off. I was on cloud 9! I heard from who I wanted on the birthday wishes front. Chaz took me to Padstow, we had a meal at Rick Stein's chippy, went shopping in Truro and watched a film in the cinema (very apt). I genuinely felt like a princess. What amazing people I have in my life. So maybe it was because of all the greatness of these days that after it, it all crashed down?
It comes to the birthday night out, one hun cancels. The other huns come out, complain all night about how they don't want to be out and I get my bloody mood out. I couldn't help but feel that I didn't want this. Just wanted to run away, taking the good with me. I made it known.
"Jess it's your birthday! You're in the Ben and The Chain is on!"
That was what sorted me out. I danced to Paradise By The Dashboard Light and all 4 hours negativity was gone.
And it turns out that the good wanted to run with me too.
It wasn't even that bad, just wish I hadn't made it bad and put a downer on it. Need to have so much more belief in my friends and family. It shows how amazing they are. It really was the best year ever. I hope the dreams of running away go soon, it is draining.
P.S I am NEVER going to wear a jumpsuit out again, had to take it all off every time I went to the toilet! All that heartache, for what ended up being the worst outfit in history. There's gotta be a lesson to be learnt here, right?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I knew something was going to erupt throughout the birthday period! Told you so.
Earlier on in the week, I was reunited with a soul I used to never be apart from, I had desperately wanted to see him since our friendship had hit a two year hiatus. But my confidence was knocked after we no longer understood eachother's humour, and we would talk over each other constantly, no longer knowing when the stories had finished. We didn't even discuss why he'd so ruthlessly cut me out of his life.
Things got better and we arranged to meet again later, with our third musketeer. It was just as uncomfortable, even with the addition of Southern Comfort. I kept thinking, am I being too loud? Am I being too naughty? What is he going to go back and tell his partner?
It wasn't this that got me down though. For when Thursday came again, and the three of us met up for lunch, everything clicked into place. We were united again, laughing at bad circumstances thrown at us, laughing at bad circumstances that we had managed to avoid, just generally laughing. We had finally got to that wonderful state we were in years ago. And I had never had so much fun.
So maybe it was the haircut disaster? I had had lunch with another old friend, discussed the same stuff we ever do, and also of haircuts. It was both enlightening and moreish; we really must make it a regular occurrence, for his sanity more than mine. My time for the haircut came, so lunch ended.
I trundled out for a few miles, got the dye on (just a brown please) and then waited for it to develop. The past few weeks, all I had imagined was what I could potentially look like on my birthday night out, with a gorgeous little jumpsuit I'd bought and my new gorgeously chocolated hair. Not a faded red in sight!
It came to the exciting time of washing it out, and I'm glad I'd opted to do it alone, as I nearly bursted into tears the second I saw red wash out in the water. What the fuck is this?! I was so angry. Not only will I have to dye it again so soon, but my poor beautiful outfit. Ruined!
I didn't even get it blow dried, just cut and I went home. Avoiding the mirrors in the car at all costs, sometimes failing to do so made me see the dark purple mess on my head. I went home and cried, pathetic I know! But, as I texted my friend who I had lunch with prior to the disaster; there is no surprise to leaving a hairdressers unsatisfied. Actual story of my life.
It wasn't this though, for I straightened it and bunged some make up on and I actually looked really nice...really nice!
Even girly night, after being made late, I thought, there is no way in hell they will make me cake or get me a present; something we do for all our birthdays. I thought I would be forgotten. But alas, I could not have been more wrong. They hadn't forgotten me at all, and it was a fantastic present!
So, the big day. Let's just reel off the FANTASTICNESS of it. Tickets to see Fleetwood Mac, that's right. THE Fleetwood Mac, original Rumours line up, minus my Christine McVie which is a shame because I'm really enjoying her right now. Yeah so, best ever right? Once in a lifetime opportunity, so good. And my bloody Papa gave me a photo of my car; at first I thought he was just highlighting my love of photos, after he explained to me it meant the car was now mine, all debts written off. I was on cloud 9! I heard from who I wanted on the birthday wishes front. Chaz took me to Padstow, we had a meal at Rick Stein's chippy, went shopping in Truro and watched a film in the cinema (very apt). I genuinely felt like a princess. What amazing people I have in my life. So maybe it was because of all the greatness of these days that after it, it all crashed down?
It comes to the birthday night out, one hun cancels. The other huns come out, complain all night about how they don't want to be out and I get my bloody mood out. I couldn't help but feel that I didn't want this. Just wanted to run away, taking the good with me. I made it known.
"Jess it's your birthday! You're in the Ben and The Chain is on!"
That was what sorted me out. I danced to Paradise By The Dashboard Light and all 4 hours negativity was gone.
And it turns out that the good wanted to run with me too.
It wasn't even that bad, just wish I hadn't made it bad and put a downer on it. Need to have so much more belief in my friends and family. It shows how amazing they are. It really was the best year ever. I hope the dreams of running away go soon, it is draining.
P.S I am NEVER going to wear a jumpsuit out again, had to take it all off every time I went to the toilet! All that heartache, for what ended up being the worst outfit in history. There's gotta be a lesson to be learnt here, right?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Maiden Street,,United Kingdom
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
One more round before the final, and the subject is sport
I don't know what it is about the time around my birthday that makes me anxious and sad.
I seem to have it in my mind that this day is the conclusion of everything I deserve from what I have put in since last February.
Laughs upon laughs at girly night, then when it comes to planning a birthday night out, they can't afford it.
Lack of birthday wishes from people who once held the date heavy on their hearts.
I need to bloody snap out of it, grow up and be happy with what I do get. I know it is so immature, I recognise that! But at the end of every January, the feeling soon rears its ugly head.
What else could be worse than the birthday blues? A bad trip to the hairdressers; what a lethally depression combination. I asked for brown! Not red! And it's turned out purple. And I really needed a thorough cut, which, judging by the lack of hair on the floor, did not occur.
Give it a bloody rest Jess, it's only a haircut. I have to laugh about it all really, otherwise I really would cry.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I seem to have it in my mind that this day is the conclusion of everything I deserve from what I have put in since last February.
Laughs upon laughs at girly night, then when it comes to planning a birthday night out, they can't afford it.
Lack of birthday wishes from people who once held the date heavy on their hearts.
I need to bloody snap out of it, grow up and be happy with what I do get. I know it is so immature, I recognise that! But at the end of every January, the feeling soon rears its ugly head.
What else could be worse than the birthday blues? A bad trip to the hairdressers; what a lethally depression combination. I asked for brown! Not red! And it's turned out purple. And I really needed a thorough cut, which, judging by the lack of hair on the floor, did not occur.
Give it a bloody rest Jess, it's only a haircut. I have to laugh about it all really, otherwise I really would cry.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
We're more like best friends
I have been in a metaphorical pickle for a while now, questioning the meaning of life every night at 12am, even if my alarm is set for 4:45am. Not only is it tiring, but it is upsetting and tedious also.
I have a vision though; it's as if it is a screenshot of the future in my head. Doesn't even seem fictional or even too farfetched.
I don't know whether I should do things to aid it happening? I think I'll just carry on doing whatever, and if it's meant to happen then something will unravel...
A really nice thought though, looks perfect in fact. Which is just what every person in history wants for their life. Oh I hope it does happen! Last time I had a vision like this, I genuinely, 100% thought Strider from Blazin' Squad and I were going to end up together...
That probably didn't happen just because Jess took Frankie to the concert instead of me...
High hopes. Cute, little, hairy babies.
I have a vision though; it's as if it is a screenshot of the future in my head. Doesn't even seem fictional or even too farfetched.
I don't know whether I should do things to aid it happening? I think I'll just carry on doing whatever, and if it's meant to happen then something will unravel...
A really nice thought though, looks perfect in fact. Which is just what every person in history wants for their life. Oh I hope it does happen! Last time I had a vision like this, I genuinely, 100% thought Strider from Blazin' Squad and I were going to end up together...
That probably didn't happen just because Jess took Frankie to the concert instead of me...
High hopes. Cute, little, hairy babies.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
I know it's getting harder to be you
Just thought I'd express a moment of sheer happiness.
That moment when, you're a teenage girl (obviously) who has just discovered this fabulous band that are completely new to you (well not completely new, as you saw them on music channels before, but disregarded them because of the beards - silly girl). You literally cannot stop listening to this one song, and have it on repeat for around 300 turns. You like it so much that you decide to do further research, download the majority of their songs which come at the top of 'limewire' and then give them all a listen to see if you love them too.
Weeks later, you're still crazy on the band. In fact you are so in love in with the lead singer, you watch every single video and 'screenshot' it when he looks 'cute'. You also do some bullshit edits in paint of the two of you hugging (remember; teenage girl). You do even more research, desperately wanting more so you google the discography...oh wait, there's one you haven't downloaded yet. Might check out those lyrics...
You read along through, yeah they sound nice. Oh wait a minute...there's a name in it? Oh wait! It's your bloody name!!! In black and white, on the second album. No one can take this away from you. This isn't a shit picture you've made on a shit program, this is on their record.
You scramble to download it immediately, and as it plays you follow the lyrics with great anticipation until around one and a half minutes, and there it is; the screeched confession of loving you back.
I cannot wait to see the Kings of Leon this June.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
That moment when, you're a teenage girl (obviously) who has just discovered this fabulous band that are completely new to you (well not completely new, as you saw them on music channels before, but disregarded them because of the beards - silly girl). You literally cannot stop listening to this one song, and have it on repeat for around 300 turns. You like it so much that you decide to do further research, download the majority of their songs which come at the top of 'limewire' and then give them all a listen to see if you love them too.
Weeks later, you're still crazy on the band. In fact you are so in love in with the lead singer, you watch every single video and 'screenshot' it when he looks 'cute'. You also do some bullshit edits in paint of the two of you hugging (remember; teenage girl). You do even more research, desperately wanting more so you google the discography...oh wait, there's one you haven't downloaded yet. Might check out those lyrics...
You read along through, yeah they sound nice. Oh wait a minute...there's a name in it? Oh wait! It's your bloody name!!! In black and white, on the second album. No one can take this away from you. This isn't a shit picture you've made on a shit program, this is on their record.
You scramble to download it immediately, and as it plays you follow the lyrics with great anticipation until around one and a half minutes, and there it is; the screeched confession of loving you back.
I cannot wait to see the Kings of Leon this June.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
I turn the music up, I got my records on
I cannot believe how many people have apologised to me in the last few months. This isn't even over little things; big fall outs which have lasted months/years. And everyone seems to have just decided to like me again in November, December and January all of a sudden?
Am I a little more endearing than I was in 2011? Have I calmed down in my annoying and loud habits? Or maybe they have just realised I was never wanted the outcome of a fallout in the first place.
I genuinely thought that maybe I was a bit mental in how I reacted to reactions...but I am glad I stood my ground. Maybe I genuinely hadn't done anything at all? Them apologising obviously meant they recognised that it was in fact them who had made us no longer talk to each other.
Don't get me wrong; I make mistakes. I know I can be annoying, and highlight problems. I don't keep things bottled up to worry about; I like to deal with things head on, it may not be the best approach, but it's only ever to reach a solution which I think is where people misunderstand me. I may well sound like an asshole, but I mentioned it because I don't like it, and I'm mentioning it so we can sort it before I end up not liking it beyond repair.
Obviously some apologies have been accepted simply to make social events less awkward, some have been welcomed with open wide arms (bloody missed you) and one hasn't been accepted at all.
Roll on 2013; where the bad people are cut out instead of slagged off. You only get 10,000,000 chances with me! (Really have bloody missed you).
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Am I a little more endearing than I was in 2011? Have I calmed down in my annoying and loud habits? Or maybe they have just realised I was never wanted the outcome of a fallout in the first place.
I genuinely thought that maybe I was a bit mental in how I reacted to reactions...but I am glad I stood my ground. Maybe I genuinely hadn't done anything at all? Them apologising obviously meant they recognised that it was in fact them who had made us no longer talk to each other.
Don't get me wrong; I make mistakes. I know I can be annoying, and highlight problems. I don't keep things bottled up to worry about; I like to deal with things head on, it may not be the best approach, but it's only ever to reach a solution which I think is where people misunderstand me. I may well sound like an asshole, but I mentioned it because I don't like it, and I'm mentioning it so we can sort it before I end up not liking it beyond repair.
Obviously some apologies have been accepted simply to make social events less awkward, some have been welcomed with open wide arms (bloody missed you) and one hasn't been accepted at all.
Roll on 2013; where the bad people are cut out instead of slagged off. You only get 10,000,000 chances with me! (Really have bloody missed you).
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, January 05, 2013
What is it with you and sport?
Sometimes I like to actually stick to my New Years resolutions...a whole year and not a single cigarette. Not a sausage, or even a drag!
I really do hope I can fulfill my next one throughout 2013; to work hard and be nice to people. I want to be respected and get things done, as well as having a clear conscience. All is going well so far; I've been trying to throw myself into situations I would have usually flat out avoided. They may not have always been successful, but I did then anyway! And it resulted in me coming home and crying... I've also only slagged off Debbie, but that's only because, honestly, no one gives a shit if you're allergic to nuts. Plus I wanted a text from Lucy :).
Today, well, recently has been quite a struggle. I am very much going through a mid twenty crisis. I am absolutely terrible with regards to believing the term "the grass is always greener on the other side". I have got to realise that even if I was on the other side, I would just as much want to be here. I have got to start enjoying what I have got and making the most of it.
Or I could save all my money, run off to Alaska and then die in an abandoned minibus because I identified an edible plant incorrectly...
I have a lot to do to grow, and I have a lot to do to improve. But I also have a lot to look forward to. Bring it on .
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I really do hope I can fulfill my next one throughout 2013; to work hard and be nice to people. I want to be respected and get things done, as well as having a clear conscience. All is going well so far; I've been trying to throw myself into situations I would have usually flat out avoided. They may not have always been successful, but I did then anyway! And it resulted in me coming home and crying... I've also only slagged off Debbie, but that's only because, honestly, no one gives a shit if you're allergic to nuts. Plus I wanted a text from Lucy :).
Today, well, recently has been quite a struggle. I am very much going through a mid twenty crisis. I am absolutely terrible with regards to believing the term "the grass is always greener on the other side". I have got to realise that even if I was on the other side, I would just as much want to be here. I have got to start enjoying what I have got and making the most of it.
Or I could save all my money, run off to Alaska and then die in an abandoned minibus because I identified an edible plant incorrectly...
I have a lot to do to grow, and I have a lot to do to improve. But I also have a lot to look forward to. Bring it on .
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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