Oh can't you see? You belong to me...

The Easter holidays have proved to be more realistic than what I would of hoped them to be.

Recently I have been having really vivid dreams, it's horrible as some are so scary...and some are just wierd because I thought the things that I had dreamt were what actually happened...and I would talk to people about it...yeah...

Through these dreams I've discovered what my fears are:

• very drunk men
• being found when trying to hide

Well yeah...recently all the crew have been hanging out round Mon's. He's Jess K's new geezer, it's been pretty fun actually.

I've just discovered how much I hate having such a beautiful best friend. It's like, every single guy you like...wants her. And even if they do like you, you're like a second...um...choice? It really makes me upset, I know it's not her fault that Tab is the way she is, but damn...

Like yesterday...Mon and Da were talking about how fit everyone is..."Tab is beautiful, you're...pretty"

What am I talking about? Yeah my friend's prettier than me...but why be jealous? If a guy likes me for who I am...then good on him. If he judges by looks...I guess he'll only be getting the better deal...

God...

I'm the most selfish person in the world.

But the thing is, people treat Tab differently to me. Things like these:

• Me: "Mon, can I have a mars bar?" Mon: "No". Tab: "Can I have a mars bar?" Mon: "Yes".

It just feels like all the time, Tab is and always will be better than me. Take Len for instance, so many times I've tried to have his attention, Tabby wins everytime. And this Biggins guy...he says I'm scary. He doesn't even know me. People judge me as the funny/wierd person all the time, without even giving me a chance. Why the fuck not? I'm just as serious as anyone else. I have feelings, and people always forget that.

"Look! There's Jess, the one that can handle everything, laughs about everything, is happy all the time"

I'm not. At all. I need support at times guys. I'm going crazy...

And finally, Pete Cholwill; You don't need me to say what a great father you was, especially as all that you saw me as was your daughters friend, but you will be missed by many, and you'll stay in their hearts forever.

Rest in peace, My Favourite Taxi Driver x

We're half way there...WOAH living on a prayer!

Last night consisted of alot of alcohol, dancing, cheesey tunes and sick!

School was usual...quite festering and reminding me that I had lots of courswork to do...meh...

After school I went to Lettie's, got Alana a valentines present for her birthday...also I wrote on her birthday card envelope: If you read this you're gay. I fell to the floor in laughter when she read it out loud. Lettie's boyfriend was due to come round, so I applied lots of orange foundation to my face to scare him, I also wore her aunties suit which contained some ever so lovely shoulder pads.

We went to meet him and Tabby put on her "Natasha Gwyther" accent, it was rather amusing how she couldn't drop it after she had spoke in the same tone for the whole 10 mintues she was using it.

We went back and I removed the make up and got ready for Alana's 18th birthday. Alana let me wear her beautiful glittery top, I also wore a glittery skirt with knee highs.

We then went to Pig's after Lettie and I consumed a big bottle of WKD. We were greeted by a whole one can for me and Tab to share!

It soon turned 8 o'clock so we met Jess K outside and got the lift to the pub, I was yet again greeted with alcohol. The people started to arrive and we consumed many alcoholic substances.

I was dancing with Frankie, Nikita and Jess when suddenly Jess turned away, when she turned to face me again I saw a pile of liquid on the floor, she grabbed my arm and it was wet, she asked me to go to the toilet with her. As I can't handle sick, I left Frankie to sort her out. She was throwing up rice...it was rather revolting. She then was taken home by Lettie's sister Becky. Tabby was the next to throw up. By this time I was extremely drunk and was dancing to various songs such as: I would walk 500 miles, My Boy Lollipop, Living On A Prayer, Daydream Believer...

We soon had to go, which kinda annoyed me because I had just started to enjoy myself, it was fun seeing all of Lettie's exes as I grew close to all of them, so close I named Steve "my brother with an a" and I swapped clothes with Ocko.

I then went home and slept.

Babysitting tonight, hopefully we won't get locked 0ut again.

Toodlepip x