It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Wet feet and meetings with strange American men who look like Robin Williams when he smiles. Better write bad things about things you like and want to work for, relax, it'll be fine. Karen pick up the phone, and Karen come back. I've got so much I want to tell you.

Life is back on track, body is cigarette free for the 5th day and I can't wait to be home, in my bed and with the man of my dreams.

Life is good and life is great because I've only got 3 more pieces of work to do and no one likes you.

You were a child, crawling on your knees

Heartbroken. Shattered. Crushed. Lonely. Can't even describe, can't even do anything to sort it out. I am so tired of everything, not even the comments of Big P and Mikey G can help me out right now, which, lets face it is all I've got.

I can't find myself fitting in anywhere, I'm just not how I used to be. There just seems no hope in ever finding her again, I've gone so far down one path I just can't seem to find anything to turn me back around. Nothing to look forward to this week, not tomorrow and not at the weekend. I don't think I should do anything about it though.

And there won't be a little ending with the slightest bit of optimism, I'm officially drained.

Yes twice is nice, three times is just right

I've got my pride and I'll let you sleep tonight. So listen up...

Sleeping and eating have become a massive chore recently, late nights, early mornings and gagging on cigarettes appears to be the way I roll. Not only has it recently passed the three years mark, but I have lost my other half. Living without the two has really taken it's toll. I have never felt so lonely, I don't even had the buds that I used to.

But I have new ones, I fell asleep just past midnight last night and my tummy is filled with pasta. Tonight should sort me out, I certainly hope so. I am ready to parade around and feel gorgeous, I am ready to dance like an idiot and I'm ready to go for a coffee.

If I told you things I did before, told you how I used to be, would you go along with someone like me?

So much has changed, things are definately taking a turning and at the moment I don't know whether it'll be good or bad. I hope it's for the best though, as it was my decision.

Nearly time to leave everything behind again, I'm optimistic though. I'm going to try this time. I am interested. So interested. In so much more things than one.

I can hold your beautiful hands, and kiss your beautiful eyelids

Well a lot has changed really, said goodbye to trusty Newton Hall, it was rather sad, but maybe good to leave it behind. Back at home being the busiest person in the world. Chambermaiding with the biggest gossips in town and out everynight trying to cover everything I've been missing out on.

I'm just going to rest my poor little feet til around 5, maybe catch up on a bit of Bad Girls. Not much longer to go, which is rather sad. Only one bg thing left on my to do list, it'll probably remain that way until a week or so before the deadline. I love how I never learn my lesson. It'll come bite me in the ass one day, just like I hope that that will come back one day. When I really need it. Although, I don't see it being too hard to conquor. S'laters pink

So are you ready to cut them down to 3? The final three

So today probably couldn't have been any worse. First, an exam, followed by complete down pour, a delayed taxi (I stole "Danielle's" in the end) followed by soggy Avon books.

However, I will make lots of money this time! I am still awaiting to hear from the Hotel and I have finished my first year!

A dream celebration would be a trip to the fair, to be pinned back on the waltzers with a massive smile on my face, maybe throw in a video of the laughter. And after, a stick of candyfloss, winning one (maybe two) goldfish and just flushing them down the toilet when we move. Followed by alcoholic consumption and a wee play on Mario Party 8.

Rain rain, fucking go away!

That's where I'm going, where are you going?

Dream catch me, yeah, dream catch me when I fall. Else I won't come back at all.

I've been with Pat a year! Wow. First relationship is a long one then, that'll look good on my resume.

It's all coming to an end, it seems to have been a rather fast process, I hope I don't have a repeat of college. I can't wait for it all to be finished, and can't wait to have a repeat of last summer, but even longer this time!

Tomorrow I need to resize and collect two green sheets. Man, it feels good to finally let go of everything.

J'adore the pain in my chest and the gut that flumps around. I'm actually happy though.

Isn't she the cutest thing you've seen in your life!

He said "Hey sister, it's really nice to meet ya"

The tickets for my trip have arrived.

Take me on a trip, I'd like to go someday

I would love a trip, I've been craving one for quite a while now. I don't know why I'm so down lately, whether it being due to Karen going, moving away from home, being in a relationship or simply growing up. It is probably a combination of the four.

I've never found giving up smoking so easy, or losing weight so hard. The uni work will be fine, I believe, so I try not to let that put me down. But there's always something there, oh yeah - told you so. I'm finding myself stand up for myself more, people may see that as a good thing, but I think it makes me looks insane.

I love James from American Big Brother, I really hope he goes straight to the end, festering Sheila and the rest, NO ONE CARES ABOUT MATTY ANYMORE, LET IT GO. But yeah, I'm pretty annoyed that I missed the episode where Chelsia went mental. Yeah, so James, he looks like the singer guy from Alphabeat, actually can't get enough of that song Fascination.

I can't wait for it to come out on SingStar. So, to summarise it all, I'm feeling really withdrawn and lonely. I'm really hoping it's just a state of mind, and it's not all about growing up, because otherwise I'm actually screwed.

Poor old Jess

That was as good as it got

Seriously, I manage to sort out one problem and they keep get thrown back in face. This has been nothing but a fight the whole time and it's starting to get out of my control. This is so annoying, and I knew it would happen. Just like I know that a certain someone is going to be in a certain place on a certain date. If it does happen, like I know it will, then I've been taken for a mug. I hate that expression.

Read my lips, I'm into you, I'm into you

Good old Kylie. "Every song she releases is guaranteed to be good"

"What about Westlife? They had a number of consecutive number ones!"

"Yeah, they're well good"

That is the kind of things that me and my boyfriend talk about. Oh yes, still have a boyfriend. I've also recently adopted a job, it may be just delivering and collecting, but it's fun! And yeah, I may get only £35 every 3 weeks, but it's fun!

It'll do. So finally, I have a job, a boyfriend for nearly a year and things are going swell. All my work is up to date for uni and I've attended every lecture and seminar this week.

Who needs friends, aye? I can no longer relate to The Bucket as I am now 19, which has made me a little sad, but I can always find another one to relate to.

Probably won't be by Kylie or Westlife though I'm afraid.

James Blunt is being quite good again, I hated him for a brief while for obivous reasons, but I'm slowly starting to accept him again.

I am rather scared about meeting my PAT today, if he's rude to me in real life I am sure that I will probably start crying. Oh yeah, and I've given up smoking, put taken up getting fat.

Every cloud has a silver lining, mate.

Here I go...