Wait Mr Postman

I found this song in my sisters file. I love and miss her very much. The other night I had a dream about her, the whole family were sat around the table. Even Karen. I turned to her and said: "This is so nice, Karen, we should do this more often". Last night I had a dream that she was standing at my bedroom door. I was crying and begged her to watch over me. She replied with: "I always do".

I regret not realising how nice she was until she was gone. I regret not going downstairs and wishing her luck for her first, and last, ever drive in her car, I could hear the excitement in her voice, and I was torn between going downstairs or staying upstairs, I chose the latter...I regret not sleeping with her the last night. But the last two days with her were so nice, I wouldn't change them, for the world.

So, this is my last post within the year 2005. Happy New Year guys.

Everytime I scratch my nails down someone elses back I hope you feel it

I am unwritten, can't read my mind. I'm undefined. I'm just beginning, the pens in my hand...

Ending unplanned.

I'm having a good time on msn, will post another day

I'm Luke, I'm 5 and my dad's Bruce Lee, Drives me around in his JCB

Merry Christmas folks. This year has been different, but still rather fun none the same. Grandma has gone, Monica and Mark are due tomorrow.

I love this JCB song, the guy is stunning with a stunning voice. I've decided I would like to be a writer. I would use this as a way to write, but I'm a little nervous about someone I know reading it, as if I was to declare my love for someone, or simply slag someone off.

I can't believe my friend is so obsessed with this man, she actually believes she is in love with him. She has bought certain things which contain an image of a Winnie The Pooh character, because that is her ex-boyfriends nickname.

We saw his best mate last night, and he was telling us how Tigger doesn't actually like Little Miss Obsessed. I feel bad, but she should get over him by herself, and not to be told that. But what can I do?

She always plays the songs which were played at my sisters funeral, does she not even care?

Gah, I love Lucy. It was so good talking to her lastnight, she completely understands. I love talking.

And thinking.

And writing, perhaps a little too much.

But when I see them on the street they've got nothing to say

Today I woke up early, and my friends thought it was hilarious that I had puffy eyes and the greasiest hair in the world, so greasy I could more than likely fry chips on it.
So I added lots of mousse, to make it look like I had put mousse in it, and therefore it was not greasy. But that plan failed, as it still looked really greasy.

So I eventually came home, shouted at my mother down the phone as I had tried to open the door with the wrong key as I am just stupid.

I then cleaned myself and (finally) my room. It looks rather spectacular. I am quite a spectacular person, and strong, I believe.

Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly. I am suffering so badly to boredom. And tomorrow I have my first ever filling, this has annoyed me for two reasons;

1. I can no longer go to Barnstaple with Janin and Becky
2. I am so scared
3. I may have to go through it alone

But, I suppose, it had to come some day.

If I use that attitude throughout my life, I would have a really shit one. I should be allowed to write. I love writing you know, could you have guessed? I'm really missing Tab. It's probably because I'm listening to old cds, and she's always been there to listen to them with me.

But, what can you do? Times are a-changing and I'm not.

I always complain about this, but I guess it is something that is always pissing me off. Lets just hope Christmas is good this year.

Overandout

You love my lady lumps

I feel so ill and tired and generally rough. I haven't eaten a proper meal for a week or so now, so I am quite relieved that I shall be eating a roast dinner soon. I have nothing interesting to say, I am just so bored it's unbelievable.

So, it's been a month since Karen was buried. That means I haven't seen her for 29 days. I hate it when I think in this way, but I just can't help it. I'll figure it all out in my head later, or at least to try to reach to some kind of conclusion.

Thank you for sticking around

I love Toby, like... for evar...


You can tell it's Christmas when that lovely Coca Cola advert comes on...

Happy Birthday Jenny.

My Hate List

It's going to be like the poem from the film "Ten Things I Hate About You", only it will more than likely be more than ten things and it isn't about a guy I have fallen for after he was paid to take me out so a guy could seduce my little sister. I know this because I haven't got a little sister, but here it goes anyway:

• It is freezing outside
• I have lost circulation in the top of my middle finger on my left hand
• I am wearing a stupidly small skirt
• I am not wearing a coat
• I am wearing a scarf which I got when I was about eleven and it hardly fits around my hench neck
• I haven't got a lesson, hence why I am in the study centre writing on my blog
• I am alone
• Janin hasn't came into college yet
• I have to tell her later I forgot her weed
• My arm is starting to ache
• I can't think of more things to write
• Craig took the headphones off me this morning
• Ben doesn't text me back (cunt)
• And that's about it

Another dreamers just got broken

Another dream, just like you

I was going to use lyrics from the song I am listening to as the title, but I can't understand what the guy just said...

So. I would like to write about my life on here please, anyone care for a coffee? Elm tea? Yes. Elm tea please, it appears to be one of my favourites.

This morning, I woke up, checked the time on the phone (9) and realised I had just slept for 12 hours. I turned off the tv and dvd player, which had been on all night, then I said to myself: "I need a fucking fag" and I thought it sounded really sexy, so I went downstairs and consumed a vitamin c chewable tablet and a cod liver oil capsule whilst drinking a glass of tropical juice. My passion for this drink is still very much alive, it seems. Shit. That's why I came on the computer early, to send Janine a birthday text. We'll get back to my interesting morning in roughly 5 minutes...



Right, that is done. So...yes. After my drinks and pills I stepped outside with my mp3 player, a lighter and one of the lambert and butler cigarettes which James had given me. He's a very generous person, he should stop feeding me. I got to the windy alley at the side of my house, in a pair of shorts and a long sleeved top. I was wearing no bra and very thin panties; it was ever so chilly. So I turned on my mp3 player, which was convieniently playing "The Bucket" (it would make sense, I put it on repeat a couple of days ago) and then I sparked up. It was no longer chilly, but a great place to listen to such a great song.

This then leads me to my moment of insanity which I had experienced the previous night.
Location: Golf Course
Allabies: None, by myself
Cause: Music
Activity: Dancing and singing in the rain
Result: I planned my funeral

I must not ever show someone these plans, I shall leave them along with the gun that I take my life with.

Happy reading.

Oh yeah, my sister is getting me a Babyshambles cd for Christmas...ah bad!!! :D

Just a chance that we may find better days

The Goo Goo Dolls have a new song out! Could this just about be the greatest weekend in the world?!

I think not, last night wasn't the greatest, but I did (finally) watch Trainspotting, a spectacular film, and Saw. Saw was...has, was is saw backwards, well yeah...Saw wasn't how I had imagined...I was expecting more sawiness.

Still good films altogether, then we stayed up all night and then slept and sweated and then said a prayer for them.

Today, Jeremy has already texted me twice, but he hasn't replied now...he's invited me out. Should be a fun day then. There was no sarcasm included in that last sentence. And then tonight is the celebration of Loz's birthday...so I wonder if I'll be sober by the end of the night.

Take these words, and sing out loud, cuz everyone is forgetting how.

Those are nice lyrics. I love the Goos a lot.

Well I'm going to have a bath, shall catch up soon.

Oh...I've got loads of things to write from my phone, I'll have to do it another time...

Tatlepip xxx

All the world can pass me by

My first college party shall be occuring in approximately 4 hours. I don't know why I keep talking about it, it will probably be completely shit. I have been welcomed to Jamrock, how hardcore am I?

A lot, also, Damien Marley told me he loves me. Don't spread it though, I'm trying to find a way to get rid of him. He's damaging Mr Doherty and I's relationship. That really doesn't make much sense. But I shall have to deal with it as I don't know what else to write.

Let's put a picture or two on, my blog has been looking rather bland recently. Almost as bland as a carrot cake which is bland. Did you notice the wit there? I thought so...

So, I have been listening to the same three songs for a while now, I have deleted all my music off my computer. At least they're all kinda varied...

I guess things just turn out that way, yeah, I want you to love me, I want you to know I'm just like you. Just like you. A thousand words unspoken, another dream another day, yeah, just like you. Just like you. A thousand words just like you. I want you to love me, I want you to know I'm just like you. You. You. A thousand words just like you. A thousand words just like you. A thousand words just like you. A thousand words just like you.

You beat your head upon your wall. You disconnect yourself from it all, when you know that you're so beautiful, you're so untouchable. And I wanna get in so bad, and I don't know how. And I don't know how.

That's enough of that. Beautiful part of the song, that is.

Don't blink, you might miss...

Well, I have not smoked a cigarette for over 12 hours, I am rather hardcore. With a quiche, I might have added a couple of years ago.

I've changed my room around, and it's a complete mess. But I'm going through all my drawers of shit and I'm making it organised. I've come across so many things that I am so embarrassed about! What was I thinking? I must have thought I was well cool. Ooh! And I found the skateboard necklace I always used to wear because Craig was a skater.

The amount of books I have which are full with things like "I love Craig Skelly" is unbelievable. I have put all my notes, diaries and books that I write in my cupboard of Jessness. I really hope no one ever wants to have a sniff at what I have written.

I started getting emotional about it actually, I was reading my old diaries and it was like...woah! I totally remember that, then I wrote in my new one and it's like...what the fuck? These people seem like strangers to me.

I really miss Lettie! Aw...

When there's nowhere else to run, is there room for one more sun?

One more sun...

If you can hold on, if you can hold on.

Hold on.

I love this song, I bet y'all can guess what it is. Ah, here comes that great guitar bit. And now the drums. I might just have to stand up and let go...

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go. You know, you know...

I wanna shine on in the hearts of men. Yes, all the lyrics are great, I shall probably listen to this song about 41 times. I'm having a bad day, everything seems shit. I spoke to Jem earlier, I think him and Nicky are going to get it on. I swear if they do I shall actually cry. I don't have a clue what I'd do, but it definately looks as if it is going that way. She's with Moley for fat snakes, and she clearly knows I adore Jem, so why is she doing this?

I've got soul but I'm not a soldier.

So, last night. I did have insomnia. I tidied my room, stuck things back on the wall, and wrote more lyrics on the wall. I then decided to go through my 3 mp3 cds and write what made me download each song.

Here are the results:

Overall, my family influenced me to download 25 songs.
My friends influenced me to download 58 songs.
My internet friends influenced me to download 40 songs.
The people who I fancy influenced me to download 41 songs. (Mr Brightside has just came on, how great)
Random people (ones that I don't associate with) influenced me to download 9 songs.
Films/Television and Radio influenced me to download 47 songs.
My best friends influenced me to download 50 songs.
And the guys from the internet that I am attracted to influenced me to download 32 songs.

That's quite interesting isn't it? No...no it isn't.
And I have just made another mp3 cd, so I shall more than likely be doing the statistics on that as I will do anything to avoid doing my law, philosophy or graphic design coursework.

I'm a rebel like that

I believe it's my God given right, to detroy everything in my sight

Because it never gets dull, it never gets old.

That is right. Well not really, but the lyrics to this song are pretty cool apart from the constant relation to "Tall Boy".

Ah, it's playing on the song. I love listening to this whilst thinking of a certain person. I do that with a lot of songs, I relate it to a person. Then I...yeah that's enough. Little Miss Jessy thinks far too much.

As I was walking home I wondered what I would do if I couldn't sleep. Wait a second, Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight is playing now. This song is great; Dave I miss you so much! (Again). I really do miss him. Jackson has just signed in. I wish I could get plastic surgery to look like Michael Jackson, actually imagine two Michael Jackson's. That would be crazy, anyway...back to the theory of preventing insomnia...

If I couldn't sleep I was considering changing my room around, then I remembered the time when I tried to do it by myself, as I get so stressed when it does happen that nobody wants to see me for about a week. So I struggled to push a part of the 3-piece wardrobe along the landing, then it came to the 2 or 3 steps just outside the bathroom, so I tried to do it by myself and it fell on top of me. I just felt like screaming for help, but it didn't work. I just couldn't do it. So I managed to lift it by myself, and it damaged some of the landing paint work, but I have kept it to myself.

So yeah, I might not do that, I might just clean my room or do some graphics.

Today was great, me and Tab watched 3 films in a row. The Virgin Suicides (still can't get enough of it, gotta listen to Air - Playground Love some time soon), Fern Gully (Everyone loves the bit where they walk through the puddles and they light up) and then finally half of the Secret Garden, Tab and I just wanted to watch the bit where she found the boy crying.

Ace in the face.

Then we went to Will's, I was hugging Lilley the majority of the time. I need a boyfriend, and no I am not attracted to him at all. I just like hugging, when under the influence.

Cheers mates. All my mates. Calling around the world. This song is still playing, I think it may be on repeat. I really need to listen to U2. Might just do that when I go to bed.

Sleeping in, sleeping in. No matter what the time is

People say that you die, faster then without water. Though we know it's just a lie. Scary son scary daughter.

This song is amazing. I miss my internet buddy, Dave, a lot. He was great to talk to.

So yeah, I wanted to write this post a couple of days ago, when I was full on enthusiasm. But I have no clue what to write now. I'm just recovering on all the sleep and things.

How fun for you to read. I'll write another time.

I will try to fix you

This weekend has actually been amazing. I was so wrecked, I attempted to do my philosophy essay. It took roughly 5 hours to write. At the end of it all, it was incompleted and made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

So.

That is I.

Nothing like the taste of sweet decline

So, I have finally arrived home, after weekends full on food, dancing, babysitting and nudity. Ok, the last two have nothing to do with each other; je suis not a paedophile.

It feels good never coming home. However, I miss my keyboard. We've spent so much together; science projects frim Year 7 up to rapidly downloading a song just to be able to dance to it later that night.

I must give up stripping down to my bra and a top which I decided should be worn as a skirt. Why do people have camera phones? Just so that they can record my semi-permanent insanity which lasts roughly 1 minute? I hate the way they decide to show everyone at college the next day.

Yes yes, that's right. I'm at college now. It's gone so fast, I can't wait for all the rewarding grades at the end of it all. That was sarcasm. My photography tutor recognises my sarcasm, and because of this tries not to start a conversation with me.

Je suis in love with him. Why do I start things off French then just lead it to nothing? It is because he suis an idiot. I miss my sister Lisa.

You can see she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl

I feel so much like a college girl! Or should I say...chick.

At the weekend I was doing Tequila Slams. It was so fun, and mature. Talking of mature...how do you spell immature?

P-O-O

Well done Jess. That's a hilarious joke. Almost as good as this...(hand gestures are kinda needed...)

God's sitting here Jesus is sitting here, doing this:

*Imitate Jesus biting palms of hands*

God: Jesus, stop biting your nails

Good old Janine there. Ooh, another bit or mature fun. The film Along Came Polly is actually awesome. Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston are in it. Imagine the comedy! Well yeah, he goes to this party and this happens.

Ben's Mate: Hey man, we gotta leave the party, right now, a situation has arose.
Ben: What's that?
Ben's Mate: I just sharted
Ben: I don't know what that means...
Ben's Mate: I farted...and a little bit of shit came out

It is a classic example of how...you know...

Wonderboy. What is the secret of your power? WONDERBOY, WON

Gah, mum just interrupted me with a rather refreshing glass of Tropical Juice. I've been told by many that it is not healthy for me to drink so much Tropical Juice. But what would they know?

Lots and lots, as I have no idea what is good for me. Hense why I'm still drinking the Tropical Juice.

It's been so long now, you've forgotten how to smile

Well today's been pretty good actually. Wow, Lee and I have been getting on really well. I actually want him. The bad point of my day is that Conrad wasn't there in Law to stare at, and Ben has done something to his hair so he doesn't look as attractive.

This is what has been running through my mind the last 5 years.

Craig Skelly
Ever since that visit day in year 6, I knew there was something special about you. My best friend at the time, Merren Skinner, had told me not to worry about the lack of great guys going round, and I would find a perfect person at Budehaven. Craig was the only one that stuck out from all the rest. I remember us sat in a pentagon-ish shape. Russ, Alex, Craig, Me and Lettie. Those were good times.

Throughout the whole time at school, I claimed that I loved you. In year 9 I remember you saying: "Why are you so nice Jess?" after I gave you a £1 for a Pot Noodle, and I was just like...:"I'm Jess".

The next day you were with Gina, it really upset me actually. I actually thought you liked me that day.

Years went by when I was in denial about "loving" you. It was one drunken night that I realised that I did still have feelings for you. I was shouting it at Jess Bate as we walked home. And then, about 11, I rang up, so terrified about what you might say. I suppose it was because I was drunk that I felt like I had to tell you. You just said you were tired, and that was the end of that phonecall.

Then year 10 and 11 came. I had witnessed you go downhill since the age of 11. I watched you go from drug to drug and it really broke my heart to see you in that way. I just wanted to take you out of it all, no one believed that you would ever be able to give up, and I'm sorry to say that I was one of them.

The anxiety attacks. You don't know how concerned I would be. When I saw that you had been punching walls and stuff. I didn't like the way you seemed to portray yourself. And it broke my heart, to think, every time I saw you at school, it would be such a big deal for me. And for you not to realise how great you were in my life, it just...you know. I just wanted to hug you and say, Look Craig, you are so much better than you think. You don't know how much I actually love the fact that you exist. And to see you hate yourself, made me hate myself. I was in love with someone who hated themselves.

I just wanted to be the one to talk to you, and make you come round. But I never got the chance because you never let me. You never give me chances Craig. All I wanted was a chance.

And now, you've given up drugs, even fags. You don't know how proud I am of you. No one believed in you, so you made it on your own. And you have my entire respect for you. I actually can't believe how highly I think of you. It makes me think that I do actually love you.

I used to actually imagine myself telling you this, and it would make me cry. Seriously, every encounter I had with you made me so happy. I would love it when we would just have a great conversation, and I would think to myself as I walked home: "Me and Craig got on really well today"

And the next day it seemed as though it had meant nothing to you. But I just couldn't stop thinking it all the time.

And now, Craig. 5 years and we're now going to college together, still talking and I'm so amazed.

I love you


http://scoreboards.hotornot.com/jessordave

Well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say

I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance.

Quite a hard song to hate I guess, the intro is just so...good you feel like you have to bop about and cut yourself.

Nah, I'm only joking. Well, I might not be but I can't be bothered to go down that route///This weekend was ace, I must show you the messages that I sent people, these are 5 from Friday night.

To Tabby:
I just pulled this girl! she said it was for a competition or something. then she asked for my number! fucking crazy x

To Mommi:
Heyup duck. just to say im staying over corrins tonight. i shall see you tomorrow. love you x

To James:
Hey james. how are you? im over a mates. getting high tonight, should be fun. you working tonight? hope you're dancing on the ceiling x x x

To Craig:
Hey craig. just to say ive just been thinking about your anxiety attacks and how proud i am of you. hope youre well, love you x x x

To Jeremy:
It was great. im well stoned. me and corrin are going to do it again tonight. what are you up to? x

Oop. Just got a message from Jeremy. I think he's inviting me for dinner :|

I'll reply and see what he says. Another thing that annoys me about Jeremy is that if we arrange to meet or whatever, he'll never text back to confirm it, or he just won't tell me he's not coming until it's too late.

My hair is all short, well, I reckon so. Should be getting it dyed a dark colour soon, then get the highlights in sometime around Christmas. I bet you all love reading about how my hair is going to be dyed. How boring I must be.

The weekend was amazingly great. Friday I was off my rocker, I wish I could upload pictures from my phone onto here because then you could see how ACTUALLY red my eyes were. Corrin's cat thought it would be funny to spin us all out by bringing in a live mouse, we all screamed and locked ourselves in the kitchen frantically ringing everyone we knew so that they could dispose of it.

Wom was the only one available. So he got Norris in the end. Norris was still alive, and we took pictures of him because he was cute.

Yesterday we went into Bude, met up with Luc and I bought some special conditioner for my hair.

Jeremy has replied...
I don't have a clue whether I'm being invited out or not! I replied saying: "So who you going with? Will and Jasmin?"

And he said: "Yes i would imagine so jayson and nik aswel probably, has that put u off?"

Fuck it, I'll jsut reply him blatently asking him whether he's inviting me. If not, it's only Jeremy so it's not that embarassing. Ah bad, could be a pretty fun day for me.

Wait! I have short hair and I look nasty! What ever shall I do? I shall do my thing, make my body sing...

Yes, good plan.

Kthxbye

Trying to get by...

Today has been great. It feels good for things to go so well. I think that random release on Friday did me good. And the Friday night really got me worked up for this week.

I feel like I can handle the world, it's great. I've also got loads of money. Well not loads, well, £50, for me is good. Gotta save it though, gotta cut down on all the shit.

Some sort of incubating period

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What a way to go, but have no fear

Well, this is just a post to contain all my annoying...things that are annoying me at this moment in time.

1. My lack of lighters. My shit lighter broke today. I'm also left with a white cricket which has no gas, and a green disposable which has no flint. I have tried to overcome my problem by releasing the gas on the disposable and sparking up the cricket, I have managed to get a flame. I also have a green clipper that I've had for about 8 months which I stole from Pig. When it works, it's good. When it doesn't, it isn't. However, it is best of the 3, and...it is lost. I could overcome this problem by purchasing another lighter.
2. Keys. My bag is full of college stuff, so it is hard for me to find my keys when I get home. I have to take the books and paper out of my bag, whilst struggling to continue holding my bag, mp3 player and phone. When I finally manage to grab them, I realise that the door is already open. I could overcome this problem by either purchasing another bag, then putting my keys in a different pocket to all the rest of the shit, or I could just see if the door is open before I go through all the hassle.
3. Crisps. I come home, I'm hungry and I notice there are crisps. McCoys infact. I love McCoys. I then discover that they are the spicey ones, so I think...hmmm...I'm just gonna have to eat them, I'm that hungry. THEN I discover that there is only one packet left, and it is the most revolting flavours, so I slip my hand further back, and I have to eat a festering packet of Salt of Vinegar crisps that have probably been there for 9 years. I could overcome this by stealing the good crisps as soon as mum buys them, and hide them in my room. Or, I could learn to love new flavours...
4. Lack of clothes. School was so much easier, all you had to do was wear the same clothes each day. I only have about 3 pairs of trousers that actually fit me, without having to wear specific shoes. And as the weather has been shit, I have soaked all of them. So I am now left with no other choice but to either wear a skirt or my really long trousers tomorrow. Yey. I could overcome this by buying more trousers that fit me. Stop buying long ones you turd.
5. Lack of money. I don't get EMA due to my dad having a well paid job, but I don't want to get a job just yet as I want to get used to college. But, with college I need to purchase so many things! Such as folders, and more folders, and big books and stuff. And also trips to London and Birmingham and stuff. I believe I am screwed. I shall HAVE to overcome this one by getting a job, I shall have to get it later, when I have got used to the idea of "deadlines"
6. Lack of social life at college. I'm always following Tab around, and I don't want to do that because it is boring. I need to make new friends, I just can't seem to find myself doing it! Today has been alright actually, I've socialised more. It just seems as though everyone was made to be on my course so I would be ignored. And I have to sit next to Chris in philosophy; it sucks! I shall overcome this by talking more, and being myself. But not too much...the heroin jokes don't seem to be going down well.
7. Lack of boyfriend. 16 and single. Haven't had a proper relationship since February. This bothers me as when I always say: "oh look, there's my boyfriend" or "I'm just going to my boyfriend's house" I want it to be me telling the truth for once. I want either Ben, Conrad, Jeremy or Mon, I'm not too fussed. I could overcome this by getting a nice face, and a breasts and personality transplant.
8. Msn. I just want to "socialise" with all my online friends, and it refuses to sign in. Cunt. I could overcome this problem by bribing my computer with peperami's. However, I have appeared to have eaten them all.
9. Hair. It is dead, unstyled and just generally minging. I look like a rock man; this is not the look I am going for! Due to my lack of breasts (they're not that annoying actually) I need to make myself look as feminine as I possibly can. My hair does not help me. I could overcome this by getting it cut, styled and dyed, and hopefully that will be happening this weekend.
10. I have just drawn on my trousers. I now can't wear these tomorrow, as I thought it would be cool to get a red pen and draw on my trousers. I could overcome this by not ever using a red pen again, or I could just not breathe again.
11. Jeremy. He only rings me when he's no longer with Amy. I do not like the way that he always does this. I feel like a used quiche, however, he is adorable and I like him a lot, so I'll have to get over it. I could overcome this by barring his number, but I would never do that.

So, I'll post some time next week, see if any of these are still a problem

Oh yeah, and this:

Little Miss Doherty - Wherever there is cheese there are...twats says:
hey?

Woooord says:
hey jess

Woooord says:
i am off to work really soon

Woooord says:
i am sorry about this

Woooord says:
it is not ideal, but i will not be this unavailable forever

Woooord says:
i'm going to try and find a more suitable job

Little Miss Doherty - Wherever there is cheese there are...twats says:
toodlepip

Little Miss Doherty - Wherever there is cheese there are...twats says:
xxx

Woooord says:
xxx

Little Miss Doherty - Wherever there is cheese there are...twats says:
oh right! you mean you're leaving right now?

Little Miss Doherty - Wherever there is cheese there are...twats says:
you're quite bad james

Karma police, I've given all I can; it's not enough

You know, I just wrote a post. But I have now deleted it. I hate reading blogs that are about who people met, what they said. Well you know what I mean. Well, maybe you don't. But I just want to write. So yes. I shall show you the picture that I drew on my friends hand. It is for the chorus to "The Bucket" as we all know that song is ultimate. And my favourite.

Currently listening to "The Bucket" how great is this tune? Very great, that's what. If I could marry any song, this would be it. Fun, laughter and with a fucked up meaning.
So yes, I shall continue to stare at Mr Followill's ever so sexy face. You may hate that Japanese scream, but I love the way you look at me.

There is a terrorist holding 20 people hostage. You stumble upon him, he tells you that if you kill one of the hostages, he will free the others. What do you do?

I must choose one of the two options; I cannot cheat through choosing an alternative e.g I cannot say I would kill myself, or shoot the terrorist.

So, the first option:

Allow the terrorist to kill all 20

You could just walk away from it all. You can't take one person's life. It would be unfair, and you probably wouldn't be able to handle killing someone, besides, how can you be certain that he will actually kill them if you don't do it?

Kill the 1, let 19 survive

If you do this, you will save 19 lives. You'll only lose 1 person. Yes, you may experience guilt, but surely you would experience more if you allowed the terrorist to kill all 20? Besides, no matter which option you choose, someone is going to die. You should make it less than more. Perhaps you could tell the hostages the plan, and they could decide who would be most suitable to sacfrifice themselves e.g an elderly person, a chronically ill person.

I don't have a clue what I would do.

They call me Trim when I'm 'ere

Well, today I experienced my first proper day at college. I got there, went to tutorial and I thought: "Hey, I'll make some friends" so I just chatted to a few of them about stuff.

After though, I had no clue what to do as my best friend from last time was kissing the new girls ass, so I just went to see Corrin and Tab. Tab was in a lesson or whatever so I stayed with Poo and got all the gossip.

Which was hardly anything, then Tab came, I met her new best buddy. She was almost as great as mine...really talkative. So yeah, after that I met up with Tom, Janine and Becky and we went into Barnstaple. We went to McDonalds and I saaw Danielle. She looked rather gorgeous.

So then I went back, hung with Tab for a while, then found Janine and Becky. But then I thought...perhaps I should spend some time with real friends...this is where Bo, Jim, Ferg and Crazy Man come into the equation. They started playing "Top Trumps" but I soon dragged Crazy Man to accompany me to my next lesson. Which was photography.

Photography was not how I had thought, it started off well, as I was not shy and I had thought I had made friends. Evidentally not. We have to stay in the seats for the whole year and no one is sat either side of me. Cunts. We had to go in partners and I was put with the festering tutor. Then we had to "crop" the picture, but that took all of the hour, thank God. I hated it, so I thought I would hate law.

So I turned up for law, the girl in front of me had gone into there, they had turned her back so I asked her what she was looking for "Sociology" Ah Bad, I had gotten the correct location. So yeah, I walked in and the geezer said: "Law or sociology?" I was like..."Law?" and he was like, "Take a seat, what's your name"

It was then that I had realised that everyone else there looked so much older than me, I think I am the youngest. There is this fitty there called Conrad. Actually stunning. And the class was so great too! The tutor was well funny, I think I am going to enjoy that class.

Good job, got a double dosage tomorrow. I can guarantee that tomorrow I will have a shit day, just because I'm looking forward to it.

Well yeah, I'm gonna go talk to people on msn, because I'm good like that

What's the point in trying to dream anymore?

Well yesterday was nice. Tab rang up about babysitting, so I was destined there last night. I went to Mon's before, and it was fun. Watching the British Army fight and stuff.

Went babysitting. It was just so funny at first, because I knocked on the door and Joseph came up, but it was locked, so Gina told him to unlock it, and he couldn't.

So we just talked through the post box for ages, it was great.

I really love that kid, he's so great to talk to. He totally runs along the same wavelength as me. And he's 4 years old. But he's a very smart one.

Ask Tab.

Well yeah, then I walked home, I love walking home. I just sit down on the golfcourse and sing for a while because I know that no one else would have wanted to walk across the golf course when it's dark.

I love being by myself. College tomorrow. I'm just fixing my nails, making them pink. My fingers look so horrible and masculine now that I've bit my nails off.

I've got my Alanis Morissette album playing, Jagged Little Pill. "You Learn" is playing right now, what a great tune.

I will try to fix you

Wow guys, listening to Coldplay - Fix You. It's at that orgasmic guitar bit. This song is actually so beautiful, I could break down into tears any minute now...

So yes, Toby's birthday. It was great. We went to The Carriers. Pig, Nips and Tab were there at first, then Da, Pat and Jess K arrived. Then Tab, Jess K and Pat left, later Nips...

But yeah, confusey woosey. Here is a picture the guys and a random guy that put classic tunes on the jukebox.

So yeah, left to right Craig, Pig, Nips and Adam.

That guy was nice. As he was browsing through the songs I pointed to Embrace - Gravity, and this is the conversation that followed:
Adam: Gravity?
Me: Yeah
Me: It reminds me of my Grandad
Adam: Is that why you like it?
Me: Yeah

I know that may not seem like such a great conversation, but it felt good to me. We also talked about the lack of the Kings of Leon on the jukebox, it was then that he told me that one of his friends was with Caleb. I was so pakster. He said he didn't really think that he was hot due to the hairiness. I tried to explain about the stunningness of Caleb in "The Bucket" video, but it failed to come out of my mouth with ease...

So yeah. That was heartbreaking...so, I ended up staring at a couple of the guys in front of us, who were dancing to reggae like there was no tomorrow. It was rather hilarious. So hilarious in fact, Nips went up to them and asked them to take a picture. Check out the Motley Crew

And...finally. I have a picture of a very happy/drunk Toby. I hope it was how you had wanted it, darl.

love you always x

P.S If you look hard enough, you can see the two reggae men in the back ground

If I die before I wake

So yeah, I put on an old cd lastnight to help me sleep. Gotta love a compilation album with Hansun, Sum 41 and Wheatus on it.

Lasr night I watched the film "Without A Paddle" It's about these 4 kids that grow up together, then one dies and a box filled with a treasure map and stuff is re-discovered by the other 3 friends so they decide to do it for the dead guy.

Actually all 3 are stunning, Seth Green not so much though, he looked so much hotter in Austin Powers. The other two were Matthew Lillard and some other fitty. I've decided I like their bodies. I may not be into the "anorexic look" anymore.

This morning, I found a nice meaty letter waiting outside my door, I was like: "Ah bad, what could this possibly be?! Free chocolates? A letter from a friend?"

And then my actual reaction was: "Oh yey...my...pension plan...EXACTLY what I wanted..."

And so now I'm just here, typing this to you fine people (I felt like Jack from Titanic then, such a great movie...it's made me cry so many times. Why couldn't they just swap every now and again when they were in the water? Yes that's right, Rose is a selfish trotter who wanted 6,000,041 people to cry over a movie. But it was based on a true story, obviously from the office, so I cry even more at the thought of that.)

I am currently listening to Lighthouse Family - Free. It is a great song that just makes you want to get up and clap, and then sing along with the choirish people in the background. I love songs like that, they're actually the greatest.

So yeah, *claps* One love, we got to carry each other *clap* WOAAHHHHHHHHHHHH *clap*
It is Pig's birthday today. My best friend is 18! So yes, pub is on the agenda. He started drinking approximately 54 minutes ago, I must purchase his present, which should be kickass (hopefully) and then join him and then hopefully get off my rocker :)

Oh yeah, I've jsut realised that my most common phrase whilst departing is from a Disney movie; Tarzan. Towards the end of the "film" Jane's father jumps off a boat and whilst doing so he says: "Toodlepip"

It is magical, Alana says it to me on the phone :)

Well yeah, must dash. I've got a pub to get to x

Underneath the covers

Well. Today when I went into my room I turned my tv on. As it is nice and trusty, it didn't turn on, so I turned the radio on and Christina Aguilera - Beautiful played.

I knew it was a sign for me to wear the white skirt tonight...

And then...the tv randomly turned on. As I have left my mp3 player round Toby's house. I haven't been able to listen to The Bucket, so that is what I attempted to do.

Until my tv decided to randomly turn off...so I turned the radio back on, Foo Fighters - DOA.

Then the tv turned on again...The Bucket

Then it turned off again.

Then I just left my room as it was annoying me. I'm glad that my computer isn't being a shit to me today. Saying that, my blog entries won't seem to post.

I wonder what I'll do today. To fester? Or not to fester. With whom is the question. I shall now disappear into a life of talking to people on the internet that I'm never going to meet, just until someone from Bude that I mildly like will sign on so I can invite myself out with them for the day.

Poo, I forgot we were having a barbecue. But hey, I just won't attend. I only said that to sound cool...I will more than likely go.

You take the high road...I'll take the low

I've just been having a sniff at an old chat log. I think this is hilarious.

Rob: eeh eeh ehhhhhhhhhh!

Rob: computer says noooooo

Me: computer
says

Me:
bye

Me:
xxxxxx

Rob:
lol

Rob: make sure to
keep up with the chickens after all the camels are gone

Me: no they're
dying

Me: i burnt them
with your photos

Rob: lol

Rob: a gave your
photos to my nan

Me: :

Me:
why?

Rob:
because she dribbles so i thought it would be fun

Rob: she ate them

Me: oh
right

Rob:
that card still smells of you

Well I no longer have anything to write. Today was good.

Gotta ask yourself the question, where are you now?

I am so pissed off! Just woke up and everything has gone wrong.
I was so happy yesterday, why have things changed so drastically?!

Pig, Tab and Mon are not online, so I have no clue what to do with myself. And talking to this shit Canadian guy is really pissing me off, I have no clue why though.

I keep saying clue.

I've got bov for this, time for a fag.

ACTUALLY FUCKING PAKSTER

Revelation

I don't wanna go to school; I don't need no education

I don't wanna be like you; I don't wanna save the nation

I just wanna live my life, everyday a celebration

One day I'ma leave this
world; I'm waitin for the
revelation

Although it is D12 who sing this song (called Revelation) I love those lyrics. Maybe not in the way that they are sang, but they are good lyrics.

You know, it really does my head in the way that people call bands/singers shit; everyone has different tastes. Everyone has a different way of expressing thereselves, so why should they be criticised doing this?

And God man, I'm fed up with all the shit people are throwing at Pete Doherty. Why do people see him as such bad news? Everytime I read an article about him, it is not of good news, but of bad.

Like, recently for example, he headbutted the dude from Razorlight. The writer wrote the article as if it was all Pete's fault. And that time when he cut himself; people need to learn how to cope with themselves. If he is a danger to Kate and her kid, let her deal with it. Why do people find so much joy about writing about the bad things in people's lives. One mistake could be held against someone forever. Yeah, so he's a heroin addict; many other people are, but their lives aren't spread all over the papers. No wonder why he's turned to that stuff, I know if I had to put up with the amount of shit that he's had to, I would.

I actually would.

Well, I guess this argument has probably all ready been written about, but I really needed to get that off my chest...and people

"Make Doherty History" is not funny

Highlights for today:

• Woke up next to Tab
• Saw a horse licking another horses phallus in a childs book
• Humping Tab on the bed
• Ignoring Mon and Craig when they were shouting me
• Seeing Craig bite into the chicken and getting loads of shit on his face
• Mon and Craig doing the "Freya" look
• Receiving a text from Tab saying "I love you"
• Hearing "The Bucket" as I smoked a fag
• James' text about smiling
• Knowing I have a fag right next to me
• Knowing I will be having a fag when I wake up

And that's just about it. Unless, I can find another thing to write about that annoys me. It really shouldn't be hard...but I am currently finding that it is.

So, until another time...

Little Miss Doherty x

Days dawning, skins crawling

Pure morning...

Today and yesterday has been great. I watched Braveheart with Jess. I didn't cry...but I took pictures of Jess eating her Mushroom Chop Suey with a steak fork.

Today has been great. Been socialising a lot and I have missed it.

The pain in my feet will never be missed though, actually so painful I don't want to take the plasters off.

I'm so happy today. I actually love the Kings Of Leon. I know everyone knows, but actually love them.

The Bucket, I cannot stop talking about how great this song is. I am happy. I cannot wait for more days like these.

Jess x

Reminds me of the summertime...

Wow, yesterday I got my results. "12 years of my life have been building up to this moment, for some letters on a piece of paper..."

And I kicked ass at this moment. I was never predicted an A. But I got two, because I'm hardcore:
Religious Studies = E
History = D
Business and Communication Systems = A
Art and Design = C
Food Technology = C
Mathematics = C
English Language = A
English Literature = C
Applied Science = E E
Health and Social Care = C C

So, college here I come. Gah, got dentist today. I used to fancy him...but now I don't find the idea of a grown man with children placing his gloved hand into my mouth arousing...

Suppose that it was just a phase I was going through. Must dash "lots of places to go, people to see" No...I don't.

I just wanted to say that so people would respect me...

Jess, you're annoying me.

I am covered up in skin; no one gets to come in

Well, I woke up for rather late, considering the latest I woke up when I was on holiday was about 10...

I'm hot and sweaty, already had a great day so far, that's what Tab does to me. It's crazy stuff, I don't think a day has passed which I haven't thought about her, since we've been friends I mean.

So yes, I have admitted to a couple of people that I actually like Mcfly's new song, I love the verses, just not the chorus, it sounds too much like Mcfly...

So yes, plan for today: go to Pig's and show Tabatha and him how I have blossomed into a beautiful college chick...

Pah. Immaturity should live forever, poo poo x

I've ba-ack

Who's missed Little Miss Jessy? Yes, I thought that aswell...Holiday was ok I guess. It was good talking to the family...well...some of them.
I've got lots of new clothes, and I feel great wearing them, I am now officially a sexy person.

Who is single, and shows no sign of changing that any time soon.

Bastards.

Come on guys, all I want is a dark- eyed, dark - haired geezer. Who likes music, and will sing it in my ear as I sleep. Come on, don't be shy.

I'm never gonna find him. But I can attempt to find a substitute, which will also not happen.
So, I went away with 9 long nails, came back with 7. I hate my sister and my car door.

I can't believe how many sexy men there were! I wish to move to Ashby de la Zouch and sleep with all of them. Well I'm starting to feel sick now...so I might go eat something, although I'm still as fat as a pudding. I will also attempt to make my social life exist.

Do you know how long it's been since I spoke to someone who wasn't a member of my family?! Yes...THAT long...

This is my Grandma and Grandad Sturt. I visited her grave whilst I was away, we left some flowers for her. Then we went to see Grandad. It was awfully awkward. As we left he didn't hug me back, I got really emotional at this. I remember when he first turned blind, he came to Bude to stay with us for a while. I remember walking through the door and my dad told me to go upstairs and say hello to him. So I peered through the door and said hi, then went back downstairs. Then dad asked me what I had said, and told me to go back up there to tell him that it was me, as he couldn't see who it was.

When I went back up, I sat down next to him and told him it was me, he held me for so long, it was a really strong hug. One of those hugs where you feel like bursting out crying.

It was lovely, I wish he would show that same affection to me now.

Well that's enough of that; I have no fags so I can't get myself worked up.

Hope you're all kick-assingly hardcore with a quiche, Jess x

And all you ever hear me say, is how I picture me with you.

I've actually cried! Last night I cried, like a big crying wooper! I think it's because I'm due on and I didn't have a fag yesterday, I still haven't today. I must go out today, it is my last day of freedom until the 21st.

Yes. I am going on holiday with the family. Can't wait I hear you say? YES.

That was me last year, I still love the blue Doritos. Actually love them.

I haven't had them for a while, because I'm trying to eat healthy but no matter what I do, the weight is NOT coming off.

So after an hour long phonecall from my sister yesterday, I must drink water instead of my beautiful tropical juice.
Well plans for today, none as yet. I will phone Tabby and then make her feel guilty so that she feels like she has to spend time with me.

Pig has the day off, but he may not feel like it. I feel so ill :( I should eat something...
I shall, I shall have a bowl of Fitnesse.

Well, I shall update this when I come back I guess. Actually, I don't want to leave it like this...I shall leave you with something that is lovely and will get you all thinking about life and stuff.

I was talking to my sexy Canadian friend, Geordie, last night. In his display picture he had it of a man who had killed himself. He had been very successful in his life; e.g enjoyed it. So then I asked why he had killed himself, and Geordie said this:

it ios kinda funny.... he killed himself because he wanted to. Once you've had all the fun you can have, theres no sense in going down hill

I thought it was great and inspiring. No I'm not going to kill myself if I have a great life...and my font is the same as his now :| Stop it!

Well, I hope this is enough for all you people. I might go shower, but eat first, and try to arrange my last day of socialising with my friends.

Toodlepip x

All the chickenheads, be quiet!

Hey ho! Good morning Campers.

I'm up at 9:03 a.m on a Monday morning, and it sucks! I had good old Jess over last night, I thought "If she stays tonight we can talk all night about useless shit, then we can wake up really early."

So yeah. I haven't made any plans, whatsoever, today. Probably because it's 9:05 a.m in the morning. My tummy feels hungry, but it cannot eat alot today. It had a REALLY nice Chinese last night, and it shouldn't of.

But I'm such a weak person...baby you got me so crazy baby. I hate calling people "baby" or "babe", I think they're stupid pet names. "Darl" is cool, that's why I use it, "Tab" is good too, I use that a lot. But "Hun"? Nah-ah *shakes head*

Oh, "Pooface" is quite effective aswell. So yeah, that's my boyfriend. I like to feed him porridge after our hot nights in bed. :D

I actually can't describe how ecstatic I was when I saw that this picture ACTUALLY existed:

Well that's enough about sexy Luke. Well yeah, how much do you want to bet on that Nicky, if anyone, will be the only person to text me today? How much do you wanna bet that Tab won't contact me at all? But Pig will have no choice :( I will hound him down dammit.

Thanks for listening *tick*

I wish I knew your world

I haven't spoke to my friends at all, apart from via the internet, for 3 days. But that changes today, I'm going Pig's.

I haven't heard from Jess in a while, probably because she's off being a happy camper. God, my hair feels horrible. I must do something about it. Like dye it purple and spray it with glitter spray.

That would actually be awesome. I really don't wanna go on holiday! I can guarantee no friends will ring me, and I'll be forced to talk to my cousins and other family members. If you read this, friends, ring me. I'm leaving Friday, then coming back the next Friday.

But on the plus side, I get new clothes. And a holiday. And a chance to have a sniff at the world, and take some kick ass photos.

Last night was well fun, me and Dan always get into these moods where we want to be stupid on cam, then we always take pictures. Last night was hilarious due to the fact he kept showing me his nipple, really randomly. It'll be like.
Me: You ok
Dan: Yes *shows nipple*

I have gone insane haven't I? Wait...maybe you should answer that question after you've seen this...

It was taken last night, I really like the lines on my face! I think they bring out the colour of my eyes...

Not what's cooler than being cool? ICECOLD! I can't hear ya! I said what's, what's cooler than being cool?

I love Outkast, they make me happy as a quiche on a purple lead.

Ha! Mine and Dan's conversation, right now...

Em Elbmuh; We'll serenade the world, with the fire brigade. And Luke Shaw says:

i dont wanna meet your momma, i just want to make you cumma

Dan. says:

dirty giiiiirl

Em Elbmuh; We'll serenade the world, with the fire brigade. And Luke Shaw says:

i'm a big dirtbag

Dan. says:

bless

We really do have a meaningful relationship :). Well, the time has come for me to hit the shower, not literally as that would be painful and stupid, but so I can get clean and so I can go to Pig's house.

Toodlepip...

I'm about to lose control and I think I'll like it...

I've been awake for approximiately 2 hours and 45 minutes. I woke up to find the Goo Goo Dolls Live in Buffalo dvd had arrived.

I watched it immediately of course, I even continued to watch it when Jacob thought it was cool to chew on my ankle. John Rzeznik is so gorgeous. I actually want to marry him. I couldn't handle watching the bonus footage as he was talking to a member of the opposite sex, if you know what I mean...

He smokes fags so sexily! Oh damn son, I have none :( . Alcohol tonight, I'm just gonna sit in front of the tv and watch the dvd again, and just cry.

Great plan. I'm so hungry but I must starve myself as I am becoming a porker, and I don't want that. I love John.

Oh my friend you haven't changed.

That conversation that I had with Sarah was amazing, and I love it. I love it so much I want to have the exact same person with everybody else in the whole wide world.

Today, I went out by myself and came by myself. I'm, how do you put it...dreaming. I also broke a nail, that pissed me off. I'm just waiting for Jess and Tab to pop along now so I can go out and actually talk to someone.

I walked past two girls today. Apparantly one of them is a coke addict, and the other one is just like a goth womanwantingtobeman kinda person, well yeah, as it came to the time for me to pass them, I couldn't. They were sticking to eachother, so I thought that I would laugh to show that I meant it as a non-threatening gesture. But. I failed to do this. As I have a cough at the moment, my laugh just turned into a sort-of growl...

So they must of thought I was a weirdo...I came home, hoovered a little and now I'm just chilling marn.

Jess phoned me but my battery run out, she probably thinks I hung up on purpose because she hasn't rang back...poo.

I got another letter from Lettie today. I've replied already, just not put a stamp on yet. I love her, and her family.

I don't have a clue whether to go out with Corrin tomorrow or not...I'll have nothing else to do and it would be great as I haven't seen her for years. Ages. Weeks. Days.

Wow, I downloaded a new song today, and I just knew it was playing as I've never heard it before...aren't I a clever little girl?

I keep looking out the window for Jess and Tab, and I keep opening it when there's people outside, they must think I'm a weirdo!

Well yeah, I do far too many paragraphs, it looks le manky.

I haven't used that word in ages.


Oh yeah Tab, I was having an argument with Charlotte, those are your tits in her display pic aren't they?

I swear they are...

I'm so soft

Last night I remembered one time when I was really scared about my mum. Fran had failed to come home another night, so mum rang the police. I begged her not to because all that Fran was doing was seeking attention, also, her boyfriend (who she was with at the time) lived with a drug dealer, which a lot of people relied on.

So, if mum did give Ronald's address to the police, and they went there searching for Fran, he could be quite literally fucked. And I thought, if it was because of my mum, something real bad might happen to her because of it.

So I didn't sleep that night. I'm such a poo. God, this guy has just came online, I can imagine his voice, it's horrible. God, why don't I just have the heart to block him? OOh! My new fitty friend is talking to me, must dash.

I got a letter from college today, so I know where I'm going in the morning and stuff. God, I am quite literally shitting myself. I keep saying God, sorry. But seriously though folks, the introductory day is to "get-to-know" your personal tutor and your class and stuff...what happens if I'm just shit at everything? Well it's the 6th of September so I need improve my social skills by then, instead of jsut lifting up my top.

Toodlepip :)

I hate this mother fucking thing

I wrote so much this morning, including festering pictures, but no! My computer is a piece of shit.

So here is my post, probably nothig how I had written it before, but hey. I am pissed off. Gay piece shit fuck dead dead dead.

Oh yeah, I spoke to Raymi. BUT I TRIED WRITING ABOUT THAT 3 DAYS AGO.

She said I was pretty...here is the proof:

I wrote about this gorgeous film that I watched last night "House Of Flying Daggers". I highly recommend it, it made my heart break. There was a gorgeous man in it. I'll post a picture of him tomorrow, I had lots lined up but due to Shitty McShitcomp I couldn't.

Yeah...I haven't given up smoking yet.

I wonder why the hell not?

Is it going to let me post yet?

This is actually starting to piss me off now...

I have to contain all my emotions, rather than writing them on the internet.
I need a shower but there isn't enough hot water, my family are so selfish.

They've turned so shellfish infact, they are turning into crabs.

Here's me, looking cool and wonky:

I watched the Prince and Me last night with Jaybie. It was quite good, the lead character man was stunning in an unusual way. I didn't find his face to be that attractive, his body was amazing though.

check him out:



Well yeah, I'm just gonna have a bath anyway now. I hate not being washed...

Toodlepip!

Diamonds Are Forever

Well, for some random reason last night I decided to stay up until 4:30a.m to write down all the songs I love.

I went through all the cds I own and wrote them all down...I now realise that it was a pointless thing to do, and that I have just wasted valuable sleeping time.

I'll be back in a sec, my MoMmI has just rang me to tell me she has my breakfast prepared...

Gah! I don't like big spoons.

I would like to thank Tabby, ALOT, for th above picture. I find it hilarious that Grieg is sniffing Pig's beercans. If you do not crack up at that picture, you are lame and dumb and no longer a friend of Pete's.

Whoever Pete is. Well, plans for today: I have no clue but it is a Friday so I should go out and get wrecked, but that clearly won't happen because it never does. Lame, lame JEss.

I'm off now, my "Fitnesse" is getting soggy, toodlepip

When she wakes up in the morning she writes down all her dreams

I sooooooooo knew that Pete Doherty wanted me, he even sings about me in his songs.

I met him once, I remember that day so well. I met him from the Bus-stop. We decided to go for a walk along the canal and we just sat and chilled. It was great.

Shame it didn't really happen, and I'm so lame enough to get a picture from him, then put it in paint, then add a picture of me to it.

My face looks pretty screwed up and noseless, but that was because Tab's nose was in the way on the original picture.

Yes baby, I've kissed Tab. Well yeah, I'm listening to Iris and I bet all y'all are jealous, like incredbily jealous things that are now downloading it. God Hopai is typing to me again. I don't like talking to you alot :(

I love all my contacts though, apart from the ones in the "Hate" column, but don't worry about that.

OOh. Kings Of Leon are playing now. I REALLY want to go to the Reading Festival it is so unfair that I'm not going with my boyfriend, you know him? Yeah that's right...Caleb Followill.

Well yeah, this is a shit post full of lies. Lies.


I like to lie, but I also like to shower and have a social life, so I shall do that. Thank you for reading all you horny men :)

Jess x

Don't even do that, I know why you're crying

Well yesterday was cool, went to Pig's and was joined by everyone!

I don't think I've had so much socialising in one night before. Well yeah, went to Mon's, was dreaming a little. Nicky text me asking to go skittles with her and Moley, so they picked me up and off we went. We went to the pub first and I met her mum. Then we went to skittles then Will text them saying that he wasn't playing. Great. So they found this random man to fill in his space.

There was these three guys there that appealed to me.

Guy Number 1
He looked like my very first boyfriend, Duncan Pooltan. However, I wasn't pissed so I didn't get the chance to drunkedly walk over to him and ask if it actually was him or not.

Guy Number 2
He was with a really gorgeous bird. But really gorgeous himself. When you see two gorgeous people together you can't help but be jealous. God I'm lame, he didn't even make eye contact with me :(

Guy Number 3
Actual fitty. He had a tatoo on his forearm, I've decided I really like them. I jsut really wanted to jump on him and take him outside...like seriously. He had a mohikan which was kinda dyed...rawr, really sexy!

Well yeah, after skittles Jess rang me so I met her from work. Then we came back to mine and watched this really good film.

Then I got her to massage my back before I slept, fucking ace man!

It's a club girl, why did you arrive nekkid?

Well, today has been rather festering. But then again, when isn't a day of mine festering?



Last night Karen told me that Will has been telling people that I am "his bird" and that we're engaged. He also took my virginity when I went to Wales with him. If any of you hear this: IT IS NOT TRUE! I wouldn't touch Will with a barge pole and I hate him. Alot. So if you hear other people talking about it...sort them out aswell. I don't want things like that being said.

Bleugh.

Anyway, me and Tab went into Bude, dropped my film off to be developed then went to the surf shop to "apply for a job" I actually said that to the girl...she must of thought I was a weirdo. Well yeah, she told us to come back with cv's.

So me and Tab walked up dog shit lane and were dreaming. We munched and drank then went back to collect the photos.

They turned out ok actually. Well yeah, I'm going to go now. The jaffa cakes have made me feel all icky.

Toodlepippo for now Hippomonsters x

Which never forgots what I lost...

Is anyone actually going to wake Billy Joe Armstrong when September ends? I wonder what happens at that time of year...

I really like this song, it's kind of like the sad rock song which every one loves, aprt from teh hardcore rockers...if you get what I mean.

I want a picture here...


God we make such a good couple. I actually love her. I love Angelina Jolie. Just no one tell her...she'll think I'm a perverted weirdo who's in love with her and stalks her...which I don't.


Why did I even save that picture of me? Look at the state of my lips? They look all screwed up like a new borns baby asshole or something. Why am I even analysing a picture of myself? Shut up Jess and talk about Angelina's cleavage...

Today has been average, woke up and generally did nothing all day. Dad told me about a job I should apply for at a surfer place. I think it's where this "fitty" works, and plus I might get free surf clothes, which I could do with as I am currently a skint tramp :(

Well that's all. I've got an itchy ear. I haven't had nicotine today :) Maybe later...when this doesn't post and I get angry.

Thank you for a wonderful world. I am a bird you cannot change. I'm a bird.

Wales was fun, a shame about the company

Well, I was REALLY excited about going to Wales, because it would just be a huge piss up and be a great way to meet loads of new people.

So yeah, Will picked me up and we all cruised along to Wales, it was rather funny along the way, Will would go the different direction to what Moley had said, but we finally reached our destination.

We put the tent up, unpacked and stuff then went for some food...later we went for a cruise, then went to the beer tent for a while and I was just getting pissed off with Will. There was these thigs where you could text in and there was a big screen to show them all, and Will texted a message like "i love you jess sturt luv will x x x" and "you dont know how much you mean to me jess" and I was like...arg...for fat snakes!

Well he started throwing grass at me, I got pissed off, then we went back to the tent and we slept, I was freezing as the duvet kept being nicked off of me!

So yeah, I had finally got to sleep at around 3 after the music had all stopped and the friendly people behind us had stopped shouting "Aaron". God I wanted to kill whoever he was. So yeah, we got up about 6, was shouted out by the "Happy Camper Boys". They said "good morning, happy campers!" It was hilarious...then got changed and off to the Royal Welsh Show we went!

It was about a mile to walk, then when we got there we had to walk around everywhere. Saw lots of animals and collected lots of booklets filled with useless information. So yeah. There was this guy theren with glasses on, I looked behind me about 3 times to see him...we held eye contact a couple of times and then we smiled :) Shame I'll never see him again...

We got back to the tent, Nicki and I went to the toilet, where we had a laugh with one of the security guards due to the lack of toilet paper. It was hilarious when he said: "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do".

Later I saw this security guard again, he walked past my tent and looked back at me, so I smiled, but he just stared at me whilst walking for ages, kinda giving me the look of "I'm going to be with you tonight". It was ace recieving something like that.

And then I thought that I would make friends with the red tent boys (Happy Campers). So first I just shouted to them
Me: Hey Boysie, are you Welsh?
James: Yeah, why?
Me: Just wondering
James: Are you?
Me: No
James: Where you from?
Me: Cornwall
*walks over*

So yeah, that's how I made friends with James, 17. Also with Daniel, 18, Hugh, 19 and Davan,18. They were really cool, Nicki, Jason and Will ended up coming over and chatting to them too.

All good things soon came to an end when Moley decided to continuously touch me...Nicki got pissed off and she went off to the tent with him. Will was busy talking to Davan, Hugh and Daniel so I was speaking to James.

James: I think Will fancies you
Me: You think? He's told me loves me
James: Oh, that would explain a lot
Me: Yeah, he pisses me off
James: Wanna make him jealous?
Me: How?
James: Come to the back of my tent with me, we won't do anything but I want to get to know you
*gives me chewing gum*
Me: Nah, I gotta keep him sweet, he's my only lift home and I'm scared he'll leave me here if I piss him off
James: If he does that I'll kick the shit outta him
and things continued on like that...

Then Nicki called me over to say that Moley had been sick, so I tried calling Will over but he was too obsessed with his new friends.

When the boys had gone, after James had stared at me around 16 times, Will was shouitng at Moley telling him to go out and stuff, and that he would feel better standing up and stuff. Just being a complete and utter japseye. Well yeah, Will ended up going out by himself, so me and Nicki helped Moley sober up by smoking all of Will's fags then we spent the rest of the night slagigng him off, sad I'm sure, but theraputic :)

Then we saw a shadow at the side of the tent...someone was trying to undo the zip so I screamed and then they walked off, it was Will's shadow. He had heard what we had said about him. He came back later claiming that it wasn't hikm, but his little friend...yeah Will...and...you have a chance with me?

So yeah, I REALLY didn't want to sleep so early so I sat outside and then I saw a skirted body in James's tent. He must of been the one who had pulled because the others weren't exactly stunning. At that point I just thought...I'll go to sleep then...and I did.

I managed to get to sleep alot easier today, and I wasn't as cold as I had a lot of the duvet. I woke up about half 5, changed my socks then went back to sleep. For an hour. Then I woke up, went down to the toilets, changed myself.

Went to the Royal show again, met up with Beanie and Urn this time. Will's older brothers. We watched them shear, it was what I would call boring, I almost fell asleep watching the shearing competetion...again...but Urn's friend, Jonesy, was rather fit...

We left the show and got back to out tent, Will, Nicki and Moley decided to go to sleep so I just sat there in my tent and festered for a really long time, then James and Daniel were at the tent so they came over, at that point Will woke up, then Moley and Nicki did so we went shopping.

I got a big bottle of Taboo and a bottle of Sidekick enough for 14 shots. I halved the bottle of Taboo with Nicki, after that I was feeling well pissed, my favourite security guard kept walking past and peering into the tent, God I wanted him! So yeah, it got to the stage of me singing, falling over in the tent and ringing up Tab telling her I love her.

I got dressed into my skirt, put my boots on and let my hair down, we were off to the tent.

I walked straight past James' tent, I wanted to play hard to get.

So yeah, we got there and we sat down, I asked Will if he would mind if I talked to the guys behind us, he said that they'll just think I'm a weirdo, so I thought: I'll prove you wrong you jealous twat.

So I went up to them, his name was Rod and he didn't think I was a weirdo, but he wasn't exactly the greatest person to have a conversation with...so I went on to the group of black security guards.

The tall one laughed at me, the one with long hair just wanted to know where I lived and the other talked to me about A-Levels and stuff like that...but he was a dude. They fucked off soon enough though.

Then me and Nicki went back to our tent for her to get changed into a skirt, I saw my Simon security guard so I gave him a little smile, God he was gorgeous. So yeah, we got back to the tent, whilst Nicki changed I had some more of my Sidekick, then when we lift we saw James and all crew. So I linked arms with James after being molested by al his friends. When it came to Nicki's turn she freaked out and told them all she was taken and engaged. They laughed at this and mocked her due to her age of 13. So, when we got back to the beer tent thingy we left them lot.

Nicki told Moley what had happened and started crying...I would of gone mad if he's done anything to them. Well yeah, Beanie and Urn needed our bracelets to get in for free, so me and Nicki had to take them off in the toilets then like, hug Will to give them to him.

After we had done that I started speaking to the security guys near the toilets, Reece and Simon were their names. Simon was gorgeous and spoke to me alot, Reece wasn't that talkative. I explained my situation to Simon about Will The Rapist Braund, and he gave him that name. I really wish I had got his number or something, he was great and entertained me. However, their boss came and shouted at them for talking to me...so I found Will and this was the time of Beanie and Urn to be coming in. So we saw them come in, followed them to the beer tent, and then socialised.

Urn and his friend Jonesy (the really fit 30 year old sheep shearer person) would not leave me alone. Urn was touching my legs and ass constantly and was asking for a shag. I said no. Obviously. I had Jonesy behind me just like, talking things into my ear...he soon gave up though. I went to the toilet with Nicki, where we opened a door with a guy in there...I don't know what he was doing but when he came out he warned me not to go in there...

So yeah, we walked back and Urn was doing something with his legs...I asked him what he was doing and he said that my sexy walk has seduced him or something...he then went on to ask me what music I like and that James Blunt is really sexual and makes people in the mood...

I then decided I wanted to go, I wanted to hang out with James for the last night. So yeah, I left, but they didn't give me another band as I had already got one before. So yeah...as I walked past Simon the security guard he wolf whistled at me, fucking cute!

I eventually got back to the tent, after all the shouting from men, I just got in, lied in and then realised that I had made a big mistake. I wouldn't be allowed back in and James wasn't back, so I was going to be alone.

So after more alocohol consumption, I went back there. Through the fence I was screaming Will's name, but he didn't see me. So I went back to the entrance, no one would let me in so I just kinda stayed there...and stared.

Then I just thought, Simon here I come. So I stayed with Simon from about 1 til 2'o clock, he was great to me. He said I didn't look 16 :) We talked about loads of things, but one time he asked me to move on again because of his boss, so I did then I started speaking to this other security guy who looked really, really happy, it was scary. I introduced myself then we laughed hysterically at a policeman (or heddlu, said like: hetherleigh) who had toilet roll attached to his shoe, my new friend said: "It would be funnier if it was hanging out his trousers"

At that point I waled back to Simon, then told him the little story. His mates came and one asked if I was his girlfriend...he said no pretty quickly...but I took no offence. Well about 5 men talked to me as they walked past me when everyone was coming out. Here's a list of what was said.

Bloke #1: Where have you been all my life?
Me: Cornwall?

Bloke #2: Where's your boyfriend?
Me: I don't have one
Bloke #2: What are you talking about? Where are you from?
Me: Cornwall
*kisses my hand*
Bloke #2: Are you having fun?
Me: Yes I am thanks
Bloke #2: Well I must go now, take care of yourself
*kisses my forhead, then attempts to kiss my lips*
Me: No
Bloke #2: Take care of yourself
*kisses my hand*
*walks off and falls over*
Me: You too...

Bloke #3: Fancy a ride?
Me:...no
Bloke #3: You like a bit of muscle

Simon: Oh the chat up lines people use today! Do they work on you?
Me: No...

And I was just thinking...just use a chat up line on me you fucking sexy man!!

Bloke #4: Isn't it cold to be wearing a skirt?
Me: Yes
Bloke #4: (Really aggresively) What?
Me: I said yes...
Bloke #4: Oh right...

And then I saw Will coming, so I told Simon and he told me to have a good night, and that he hoped Will wouldn't rape me. I shook his hand and that was when I realised I would never see my new best friend again, and I was unhappy about it :(

So I walked back with Will, Nicki and Moley, when we got back to the tent I really didn't want to sleep there, so I went down to James' tent and Rob was outside, I asked him if I could stay there with him, then all of them came back. Throughout the night, I was hanging out with:
James (looked like Alan Shearer)
Hugh
Davan (looked like Leon Pugh)
Daniel (looked like Richard Shearing)
Tom
David (looked like Kelvin Shadrick)
Aaron (looked Craig Skelly, but fitter)
Boysie (gave me fags)
Rob (annoyed the hell out of me)
Dewi ( was funny as fuck, and wrote on my breasts with eye liner)
Fitty( can't remember his name, but he hardly spoke)

So yeah, the night consisted of fighting with the guys next door, but nothing serious happened. When it started to rain I offered Aaron my jacket, and it was then when I found out that he was the one I wanted to kill a couple of nights before, Aaron then came sat by me and he gave me the jacket back and put his arm round me as I was shaking. I made him shake :)

Our conversation then went something like.
Aaron: Can you give me a kiss?
Me: No
Aaron: Why?
Me: I'm gay
Aaron: Sweet! That's something I would like to see

A couple of mintues later...

Me: I'm not really gay
Aaron: Well I think you're gorgeous
Me: I think you're stunning
Aaron: Well, why can't I have a kiss then?
Me: I just can't
*I kiss his cheek*
I said no because I was told earlier by James that he wanted me, and I had been flirting with James for the last couple of days so I thought it would be rude to just get with his mate...

Then we all decided to get in the tent so in the back there was Rob, Hugh, James, Me, Dewi and Davan. In the front porch bit there was Daniel and Aaron.

So yeah, we stayed up all night talking about absolutely everything, I kissed all of the guys on the cheek... and yes I did get with James and it wasn't exactly the most delightful thing in the world...I wish that I had just got with Aaron, he probably wouldn't of licked my face and stuff.

So yeah, it got to about 5 in the morning and Rob had gone back to his own tent, Davan and Aaron were asleep and James wouldn't stop touching me. Dewi made me laugh so much, he really was a great person. I wish that I had gone to sleep as when it got to about 6 everyone else was, and it was just me and Daniel left awake and as I was now sober, there was nothing I could do to start conversation. Aaron soon woke up, and then Dewi but they were talking in Welsh and I didn't have a clue what they were going on about. I hated it.

I was just waiting for someone from my tent to wake up so I could go back there. I had a little laugh with the guys in the morning, but it really felt like I shouldn't of been there, I think they wanted me to go...so yeah, when I saw Moley go into the toilets I kinda said...bye! Then rushed back to the tent.

Urn was there, so I had to quickly jump into Will's side of the tenet and I got changed, when I was pulling my trousers up Urn woke up, and then Will did. Urn said I was still pissed...I wasn't though. I then went down to the toilets, as I walked past James' tent I was just like: Hi! And they were being nice.

As I was waiting outside the toilet, Dewi, Aaron and Daniel walked past and they said: YOu can't even trust people like her. I think they were just saying it because I was standing ther...but meh...

So yeah, went to the toilet, came back and Urn was still chatting away to me, I was just like...whatever.

Will got in a shitty when I told him I got with James :D It was great. The kisses wasn't but you know what I mean... So yeah, we saw them walk past the tent a couple of times, Will said hello to them as they would always say hello back, but this time only Davan did.

So...Urn left, Beanie came up and started swaying, it was hilarious. Then we packed up and put our tent away and stuff and I really didn't wanna go, but I didn't show it. We then took all our things to the car , I didn't even get a chnace to say goodbye to James and the other firneds I had made.

And that was it, we were off, on the stretch of road that takes us to the main road I made eye contact with the security guard I would always see...for the last time.

On the way home I slept for most of it as I had no sleep the night before. I really wish I had got James' number or something because Hugh said he would bring them down to see me again. They were saying how we were Jesse and James from Pokemon, I really loved those guys, they were hilarious.

But, I am at home now, and there is going to be no way that I will see them again...unless they are there next year... :D