Lonely water, won't you let us wander

This is the longest time I've been single, since I was 18 I've basically been in one relationship to the next, from serious to fling, to one night stands which happened four times; there's always been something.

I haven't been with anyone for over a year, (don't think I've ever mentioned that) and I mean literally with no one. Barely even flirted, well that's a lie but there is never an intention of it going anywhere other than occasional attention. And do I hate it? 80% of the time not, actually.

I do what I went, when I want, I'm not at home anymore and I do enjoy not having anyone to answer to. The lack of control has lead to some really crazy moments, some of the best. But that 20% hits home when I have no one to share the stories with. Why is it you always focus on the parts you're not happy with? Even if it is crazily small in comparison.

So here it is, a list of things which makes me consider sharing my bed again; the parts a single girl misses. My favourite memories of love.

1. Recognising the boy from, (no idea - 200 metres?) amongst the chaos just by the way his head sways from side to side. Face has no other way to react other than having the hugest grin and constantly blushing, for both counterparts, until you are within arms length and have that precious kiss

2. Having a boy remember every single word you say

3. Meeting them late at night and your conversations running well into 3am because you have no concept of time

4. Bullshit pet names you started to be funny and ended up being genuine; Pat was my babes, Chaz my angel, and Iain my hun

5. Putting the cold feet amongst the warm legs and snuggling into his back. Wake up with his arms around you. Sometimes you wake up to him saying "fucking let go of me, you're sweating". Another favourite of mine was when he woke me up to turn me around because my breath was so bad

6. Rubbing ointment into the asshole because it was so irritated. True love. Haha ointment...

7. Driving from Cornwall to Chester every other weekend to spend just 48 hours together. In the shittest Citroen AX

8. Having tv shows you both have an interest in which enables the snuggles. Netflix and chill? All my relationships have been based on that...I would like to thank Curb Your Enthusiasm, Four Rooms and Geordie Shore

9. Kissing whilst smiling. No drunken kiss with a "20" (he was 18) year old lad, or a 40 year old lesbian, even comes close to one that is familiar and heartfelt

10. Having a crazy moment of dancing and screaming weird noises and them joining in

11. Popping into your work because they couldn't wait for you to finish and come home to see you. I assume

12. Requesting Chiquitita at a dj controlled party. The dance floor basically clearing, but not even noticing because they are there. Dancing to Abba.

13. Someone saying they love you

So, you know. I've had a good time.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

My sister asked me for a few words about Robbie, I'm guessing that alongside her newly published (and second!) book she is treating me to more words about my recently beloved.

Wanna thank him for being my sidekick and moving around with me for all those years. I remember when I first got him, I would always go to bed really late because I didn't want to be without him. Even when I did go to bed, would always pop back out to say goodnight to him for one last time. I miss the surprise jumps onto the bed, where he would snuggle down and want me to stroke his ears. When I moved to Manchester, I would just put food and water onto the floor so he could spend the whole night with me. I never want to throw any clothes away because I have his beloved nibble bites in the majority. I miss giving him the broccoli stalks when I'm cooking my meals, and I still hesitate by the fresh herbs on payday for a treat. I hate going downstairs to an empty living room and not having him to feed every morning and evening. I miss just talking to him, and forgetting he doesn't have a phone when I wanted to talk to him when I was at work haha. And I'll never forget the Christmas where he got into my Quality Streets and ate my strawberry cremes! The only boy I've ever loved completely and for the entirety. No rabbit could ever be what he was, and no soul could ever match his with mine. Forever and ever in my heart xxx