Wow! Todays been cool...

School was ok, but I just gotta give this person a shout out, these past few days I've been feeling liek shit, but just reading these messages have brought me in stitches:

Hi im nick. You can tell from my pic im 50 cent's half-brother, so if you're into six-packs, click "yes" and just tell me Stella or Bud, i'll check what's left in the fridge. i'm here to try and cure my e*bay addiction ha ha, wish me luck (sigh!).

(He's white and skinny...)

hi jess! i'll straighten up any other bent pics you have. i just got a digital camera and the photo editing program that goes with, and i can't stop using it! i'm only 10 years behind everyone else! yayyyyy..... why not impress your friends and family with photos the right way up? 1p for each, 10p for a set of 24, next day delivery. i just had a look at your personal website, and i've decided you're mad. and maybe dangerous. add me if you want, but i fear for my safety. i'm not too often on msn tho, as i live a glamorous and exciting life and i'm much more likeky to be shopping at tesco or taking the garbage out than on my computer. in the meantime, twiddle poop to you too nick

Thank you Nick...

Just not enough time left

Well...the last weeks have been odd, I'm back at school. Homeworks starting to pile in but why write about that? Recently things have been getting better, I mean I'm hanging out with my old mates again, it feels so good catching up! But it just feels bad when you know all the fun we once had has gone, we're all changing and I just don't feel the same. What happened to the Jess that didn't give a shit? She's been replaced with an insecure freak! I mean come on! I used to be able to sit and talk to anyone, actually anyone and have a good time. Now I sit alone, with no smile on my face and always look depressed.
I wanna go back but there's something that's holding me back, I've tried so hard to work out what it is...but I just can't.
Also, all this festering boyfriend business. Everyone's got one!
Tabby - Nips
Michaela - Dave
Jade - Adam (soon)
Frankie - Aaron (soon)
Corrin - Ad
Chrystynay - Simon
Soggy - Marc
Lucy - Shaun (soon)
and Lettie...well Hal? I dunno...haven't seen her in a while actually...
Well yeah, it's always festering me that's so unlike the rest of my friends, and it annoys me because it pushes me away from them, I can't have conversations like they do.

Oh I want to be socialable again, I mean what happened to me and Craig like talking all the time? What happened to even talking to John? Why does everyone who I once knew and got along fine with just ignore me now?

This is turd...all turd...I mean I'm staying in on a Friday night...

But I guess things can only get better, festering optimistic...

Oh yeah...why's it so hard for me to get over people? Alex! Why are you so fucking nice but just fail to notice my existance...I think I fucking love you. Every single thing reminds me of you, you're the only guy I've got on so easily with...just come back

Well it's been a while...

And I'm still single. Still friends with Tab, Pig and the rest of the crew...

The last few weeks have been weird, seeing Paul again made me just like him even more. Recieving a text from Matt has reminded me of the two weeks that were just amazing, and talking to Alex; the guy I fell in love with, and yet again Jess is heartbroken.

Today has been tearful. I've been crying all day. I've finally realised I'm no longer Jess Sturt at all. I have completely new friends, completely different lifestyle, but yet I still can't let people go.

Why am I so vulnerable to loving people? I get so jealous...so clingy. No wonder why Alex hates me.

I've been told I'm never going to be loved. Thanks for that scorpiomale@hotmail.com

And why is it that everything reminds me of Alex, actually everything. I can't go through one slow song without breaking down.

It's getting ridiculous.

I am nothing but a teenage girl that feels like her world is being torn apart. I'm not the first, and by far not the last. But I wish I could.

I just have to keep telling myself that theres going to be so many more times like this in the future, worse no doubt. How am I going to be able to cope?

I'm not going to be able to.