Cant stop

Sharting in my own mouth


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Take those pictures down, and shake it out

Stuck in a rut is my current location. Things seem to be constantly regurgitated and I haven't recieved romantic attention for a long time now. I don't want it all to not pay off...I fear things have reached that turn around point, where the power you once held has gone to the hands of the other, making you pathetic. Time will tell, I don't dwell on it often, only when I see a nice picture or when I realise I haven't done a lot recently.

A week away from payday, it's always the day I feel best, I no longer need to worry about what I need to do with money. I pay everything I owe and then I'm finally able to sleep at night.

After tomorrow I shall be feeling fabulous. Not only do I feel optimistic about finding romantic attention (there is a pie I am considering) tomorrow night, My best friend is coming back from Greece for a week, and then my other best friend will be returning from his Northern clutch. And what could possibly be better to accomodate this? A week of the ever so recently busy work.

I fully intend to be kissed, sunkissed and stoned throughout this next week, I'm far from growing up so I may as well relish in it.

Watch out Bude, for the boys, my white gut, and my laughter. I've gotta feeling...that tonight's gonna be a good week. Oh right. Pie, be out, and the other pie, come back. Still can't face the music, it's been way too long now.



That's how it starts, we go back to your house...




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You can hold her hand, and show her how you cry

Lots and lots of things have been sorted out. With my wages, I calculated the outgoings and took that away from the total, then set some money aside for this months essentials, such as petrol, deoderant, birthday presents and vet bills, and then I divided the rest into four weeks.

It feels good being in control of things. So in control, I have arranged a holiday of my own, flying to Mexico by myself and meeting a friend there. I haven't flown since I was two so it may be a bit daunting, but with most things I find myself underwhelmed so I imagine it'll be just fine. I imagined I would borrow 700 of the finest English pounds from my Papa, boosting the loan I have with all already by an extortionate amount, but that all changed today.

Mum told me of a surprise yesterday morning, saying that after work that evening I would find out what it was, it didn't happen that night, I presumed it would just be my old foster sister coming to visit, as I asked mum if it was a person, she said yes, but then said it wouldn't be family.

So this morning, I return home, and I ask dad if we can book the flights to Mexico, and he tells me to de research on the buses to and from the airport. So I rush upstairs, and then he calls me back downstairs as there is someone to see me. He gestures me to the back door and my next door neighbour is perched on his steps. I automatically become anxious, as the last time this happened, Dave had given me £1000. My heart starts racing as I see he holds an envelope behind his back. He hands it over, saying that he was offered a job in America and he turned it down and he regretted it, and then he hands me over an envelope, with "Jess, Mexico bound" on the front. I hug him and then tell him he is the greatest person in the world, along with roughly a million thank yous, and then I retreat back to the comfort of my own home to open it. Another cheque for £1000. I am officially the luckiest girl in the world. I really hope I deserve it. I hope he doesn't regret his decision and I make him proud.

Just some things in life you just can't believe.

Splish splash I was taking a bath

This week, employment-wise, is going to kill me. I have so many more hours to do until I can relax again.

Payday is today, I have had to plan every last detail, even pennies, to ensure that this month I will be able to support the life I have made myself. After all spendings, I'm looking at having roughly £25 a week. Such a hard knock life.

Everything is just revolving around plans, what my money will be spent on, who's available, who wants the same kind of things in life.

Next month I should be feeling better, financially, just craving that spontanaity my life needs a dash of right now.

I need money to get there though, and severe planning. Catch 22? Or just a big massive poo, probably a mixture of the two. I truly hope my bov for life rating reduces a considerable amount this time tomorrow.

Forever, The Drama Queen.

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Location:Burn View,Bude,United Kingdom

It's more than a feeling when I hear that old song they used to play

After an extremely hard working week, I am ready to fully embrace this next week off. I actually feel like I deserve it. Sleeping is getting better, I don't need a film to send to sleep these days. Must get more comfortable pillows though.

The future week is looking nice and full, should keep my mind from the lack of money and cigarettes. Pig has just informed me that he will no longer support my disgusting habit after today, finally putting his foot down. So, a haircut on the Monday. I hate not being able to dye my hair, but there was a reminder why on Eggheads a couple of days ago. Hopefully a shorter fringe will feed my craving for change. Tuesday will (hopefully) be my last driving lesson with the lovely Rob, sometimes I just like to think I'll fail so I can see him again and talk about our crazy drunken escapades and love for Fleetwood Mac. Other times I just think, come on, pass your fucking test it's been ages. So that will hopefully be on Wednesday. Thursday I shall pack and Friday I shall depart to another county to wish happiness within my sister's marriage.

So eventful, this is what growing up is made of. I'm starting to think I should start getting there now, think I'll give my bad single self a good send off at the end of 2011, plenty of time right? Plenty of time to do stupid things that no right minded person of the age of 22 would ever do. I like licking fucking stones alright? And making up parodies about assholes. Still though, America is starting to be almost a certainty, just gotta rely on money and good planning. I've mastered one, the events of this week will determine of whether I have mastered the other.

Thanks guys

Guy #1:"Maybe we should think about being together for real?"

"What? I thought you wanted to take things slow?"

Guy #1:"Yeah, buts it's been months now!"

"Wow, ok, wasn't expecting that. Yeah alright. Let's do it"

Literally days later...

Guy #1"I don't think this will work..."

Guy #2: "I get crazy jealous about you, I think that when I get back and if things are still the same between us, we should give things a go. You up for that?"

"Wow, ok, wasn't expecting that. Yeah alright. Let's do it"

Just... never replies to texts. Why bother even instigating it?! Cheers boys. I've got a rocket and you and your mates are going on it. And never coming back.

Well, until next week or something.




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Let's get together before we get much older

I've got to the end of the party stage...I'm starting to regret everything all at once. It seems like uni was the biggest waste of 3 years of my life. I didn't even have that much fun, and at the moment I don't even see a career within graphics or journalism. Should have just done a degree in Sainsbury's. I really, like really, hope I manage to pass my driving test later this month, just so that I've accomplished at last something since I've left uni, other than becoming a slut.

I suppose I've mastered the art of not falling in love with every single guy that shows attention, I think it's a pretty good skill to have so glad I have obtained it. Just hope it doesn't make me numb, hopefully I'll be feeling something soon.

Never felt so independent before, it's so strange. I feel so lonely but I'm never alone. Maybe just alone in my farfetched thoughts and unrealistics goals. I'm hard on myself but it's better this way. So, this weekend, another regurgitated night out in Bude; Drink round Toby's, meet Regard at the Ben and then Da will show up later. Dominate the jukebox with the same songs we play every weekend, and the same songs I play on my phone all week. Go to Rogue, lose Da and maybe get caught dancing by myself and be accused of taking crack. Maybe stumble home with one of three boys. And I can't wait.

All I need to do it pass my test and find a female partner in crime who isn't tainted by the love of a boy, or the consequences of being with one, and I'll be the luckiest person alive.

They can't bring us down

Day 5 - A song that reminds you of someone



The wonderful start to one of my best summers yet (excluding childhood ones, obviously). For the beautiful Tabby; together we can make it. Even if it means we're together just sat in Morrison's carpark, driving round country lanes and emptying your car in the same place every six months. Laughing at certain families and people, and each other. Best sense of humour ever. It's like clothes; you choose the best in the shop that fits and looks just right. Tabby is my favourite methaphorical clothing. She would be my jumper.

Always silent. Always silent now

I wrote something and deleted it. I will continue with the "I'll sleep when I die" attitude, it's the best. Something I saw on Facebook, and thought I would like to participate in; 30 Day Song Challenge. I'm a few days behind, and, being completely honest, might not even end up completing it. But I'm here for the moment.

Day 1: Your favourite song

How can I possibly choose just one song. Actually been sat here a while now, trying to think of what it could possibly be. Basing it on the difficulty of choosing just one song, out of all of them in the world, I will choose my favourite from the last couple of months. The award goes to miss Katy Perry, for the wonderful Teenage Dream.



My ringtone now for the last 6 months, this tune has accompanied me through one of the funnest times of my lives. Meeting such a special person, this song is one that reminds me of them that I can bear to listen to. It's my trademark song at my local. I may well be dancing on a pool table and kissing your boyfriend, but I have a fringe like Katy Perry so I'll sing it like I'm her. And hopefully get a tattoo on my bicep...


Day 2: Your least favourite song

Again, just one? I'm finding it hard to choose between a Gabrielle classic and the bullshit Ace of Spades...fuck it. Sorry Lemmy, your voice is horrible.



Day 3 - A song that makes you happy

Decisions, decisions. I'm just thinking about what songs I can always rely on to perk me up. It's gonna have to be Tusk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR_goU4fJA8&feature=related

Not allowed to embed that one. Cheers. Not allowed to make other people happy.

Day 4 - A song that makes you sad

I don't know about making me sad. I listen to songs when I am sad, they're not usually sad, just chilled. Don't know whether to go back to Fleetwood Mac or not...I won't.



I'd do it all for you. I would

Always quiet now

Another new year, another few resolutions but this time with not a future in view.



My best friend is going to give birth to a little girl in two weeks. It's crazy how people are growing up these days. I swear I've been saying that for the last three years of my life. Now that I've almost accomplished my goals (excluding the weight loss one, which is pretty annoying) I have no idea what to make my new ones.

I could either run away and grow up? Write and write to Q until they finally find me funny and offer me a sweet little job following pretty bearded men around. I could use all the cups and chicken salt and pepper pots I have collected over the years to fill my very own little kitchen cupboards. It'll be here where I can entertain friends before nights out of extremely heavy doses of Fleetwood Mac on the old jukebox, and then entertain lovers when I'm a drunken mess.

An alternative to this is to stay put for a while, and after paying all my family debts, start saving for a flight to North America with plenty of savings to cover the costs of purchasing a sexy little van (which runs just fine) over the desirable country. Making lots of friends everywhere I go, I have that cute English accent you see, being remembered as that crazy girl with the little rabbit and the great fondness of Caleb Followill. I'll have different people travelling with me at different times, making the friends for life you always hear about. Making money in little jobs and leaving your mark all over the place, making graphic designer friends who have contacts, who I'll arrange to meet after the flight back to England. Maybe even sleep with Caleb during my two week stay in Tennessee! Wow, that would be nice. Get pregnant, tell everyone that the Jessica mentioned in 'Where Nobody Knows' was actually me.

But what will happen? Possibly stay in the Sainsbury's bakery for the rest of my life.

Life is what you make it, and right now for me that means going out at the weekends and pulling my shorts down so I am just walking around the pub in my crap little pants. I really wish I didn't feel the need to get naked once I've had a few. Aw, I want America to happen. I might just make it you know

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Location:Princes St,Bude,United Kingdom