We found love in a hopeless place

So I found love in a hopeless place. In Time, Cookstown, N. Ireland.

All night I had been trying to find some attention from a male, I was more and more disinterested when these said males told me they were 23 and 21.

Amongst the inhibition I even tried to kiss a geeky looking lad on the cheek, to no avail. Rejected by someone I wasn't even interested in, is this what life at almost 27 has got to?

I decided to retire to the dancefloor with the girls and dance to Beyonce instead, a dj caught my eye when he kept blowing the smoke machine. Gave him some disgusting drunk smiles and then I decided to approach him. He holds up his left hand to reveal a ring on that fucking finger. Retire to the smoking area this time.

And it's here I found Erin anchored to men. Actual men. I immediately took a liking to one, my line of 'you're so handsome' seemed to work. I can't remember what was said but I definitely liked him. Even more so when he kept saying "I think I love you". My jigsaw puzzle was complete when I guessed his age of 30 something correctly.

He asked for a kiss so I excitingly obliged. Finally. After, I continued the 'you're so handsome' routine. He really was though; the most stereotypical Irish lad. The greenest eyes in the world, rough stubble and the most perfect teeth. And you could tell by the way he was that they hadn't been touched by any products.

He took me by the hand and we went back inside, occasionally stopping for kisses (I am extremely romantic when intoxicated, and even more spontaneous) he then offered to buy me a drink. And that's where the magic started;

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Yeah of course, I'll have an Amaretto and lemonade please"

"I want to buy you a drink"

"Yeah I'll have an Amaretto and lemonade"

"Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah I'll have an Amaretto and lemonade"

"I want to buy you a drink"

"Yeah, the drink I want is an Amaretto and lemonade"

"Tell you what, give me the money and I'll order it"

"But I want to buy you a drink"

"Yeah, you can pay, I'll order it"

"What do you want to drink?"

"Give me the money and I'll order it"

I feel for his wallet which he takes as a romantic gesture but I soon find it, take a £10 note out and I get to the bar, pleased with how far we have come.

"Tell me what you want and I'll order it"

"Bdjjdjdjkwjshdjjd"

"What?"

"Hejejjendjdieihee"

"I don't know what you're saying"

"Jdkdkdndkjdndnd"

"I don't know what you're saying"

"Nejjdjdjfhbrr"

"I really don't know what you're saying"

"A Corrs Light"

"Oh thank god"

And then we get the drinks, he tells me how he delivers mushrooms to Dungannon sometimes and then we danced to Little Lion Man whilst the lights came on.

He invited me back to his mates party where there was cocaine, I probably said something along the lines of no thanks, you're all I want etc.

We then went outside and I played around with the idea until Jess of Sunday popped up and remembered she was in the arseend of nowhere and had to fly back to Manchester the next day.

So there were more kisses and more 'you're so handsomes' (really went well) and then our lift parked up. I told him to text me the next day for food and we talked about marriage. I eventually managed to let go of him and then our lift took us to McDonalds where I urinated in public and Erin fell off the table whilst attempting to dance on it.

Since my return home, our correspondence has gone really well. He told me about how he delivers mushrooms to Dungannon sometimes and that he thinks he's in love with me.

We're now friends on Facebook and I have come to the conclusion his handsomeness is my drunken appreciation of how familiar he looks like my friends husband. But more rugged, green eyed and perfected teethed (?).

Actually look at how I'm looking at him. Our wedding toast will be an Amaretto and lemonade.

These children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations; they are quite aware of what they're going through

As a melodramatic teen, I'm a melodramatic adult to be honest, but as a teen I was very impressionable. Especially when it came to my eldest sister. She had all the advice going and all I wanted to do was hear what she had to say. I remember being amazed hearing her recite all of an Alanis Morrisette song from memory one Saturday when she had me sat on her bum tickling her back.

So, it was Helen who introduced me to David Bowie, my dad probably had subconciously due to the mixed cds, probably tapes actually, in the car, but it was Helen who made me really listen to him. She got me all smitten with The Breakfast Club which features the best lyrics from Changes at the start of the film. I knew it was going to be a life long appreciation.

With every boyfriend, a different David Bowie story, which was remembered this January 10th; Pat and I loved Labyrinth. Pat would always pretend to juggle a glass ball on his right hand which would have me in stitches.

With Chaz, is was a memory of the hilarious Extras episode where Bowie sings a song about Gervais looking like a fat pug. I had the song in my head all day long.

And with Iain, the memory of David Bowie would be listening to Rebel Rebel in the Bencoolen on a week day evening, when we just fancied a drink, and I would actually listen to his jukebox recommendations. Rebel Rebel is probably one of my favourites.

So, here's to you Mr Bowie. Great on all accounts, and always ever so present.

(Would like to state that I'm sure he would be more disappointed on what was aired on the Celebrity Big Brother episode, than my ability to relate everything back to my fucking ex boyfriends)