Oh can't you see? You belong to me...

The Easter holidays have proved to be more realistic than what I would of hoped them to be.

Recently I have been having really vivid dreams, it's horrible as some are so scary...and some are just wierd because I thought the things that I had dreamt were what actually happened...and I would talk to people about it...yeah...

Through these dreams I've discovered what my fears are:

• very drunk men
• being found when trying to hide

Well yeah...recently all the crew have been hanging out round Mon's. He's Jess K's new geezer, it's been pretty fun actually.

I've just discovered how much I hate having such a beautiful best friend. It's like, every single guy you like...wants her. And even if they do like you, you're like a second...um...choice? It really makes me upset, I know it's not her fault that Tab is the way she is, but damn...

Like yesterday...Mon and Da were talking about how fit everyone is..."Tab is beautiful, you're...pretty"

What am I talking about? Yeah my friend's prettier than me...but why be jealous? If a guy likes me for who I am...then good on him. If he judges by looks...I guess he'll only be getting the better deal...

God...

I'm the most selfish person in the world.

But the thing is, people treat Tab differently to me. Things like these:

• Me: "Mon, can I have a mars bar?" Mon: "No". Tab: "Can I have a mars bar?" Mon: "Yes".

It just feels like all the time, Tab is and always will be better than me. Take Len for instance, so many times I've tried to have his attention, Tabby wins everytime. And this Biggins guy...he says I'm scary. He doesn't even know me. People judge me as the funny/wierd person all the time, without even giving me a chance. Why the fuck not? I'm just as serious as anyone else. I have feelings, and people always forget that.

"Look! There's Jess, the one that can handle everything, laughs about everything, is happy all the time"

I'm not. At all. I need support at times guys. I'm going crazy...

And finally, Pete Cholwill; You don't need me to say what a great father you was, especially as all that you saw me as was your daughters friend, but you will be missed by many, and you'll stay in their hearts forever.

Rest in peace, My Favourite Taxi Driver x