And if all else fails and the ship won't set sail...

So recently, I have started to find women just a little bit more pretty than men. I'm not a batty, no, but I seem to like looking at pictures of models, female ones. They are so much prettier and thinner than me. And for once in my life, I'm actually bummed out about it.


And here's the culprit, Little Miss Lily Aldridge. What a perfectly pretty slut she is. With my most desirable of celebrity boyfriends. Her bust is 33 inches, as is mine. Her waist is 23 inches, which matched the width of my big toe and who cares what her bum bum is, it's gonna be a lot smarter than mine.

The stories are all true, this kind of stuff does make people want to be like them. I'm off to burn a calorie or two.