This morning, I woke up, checked the time on the phone (9) and realised I had just slept for 12 hours. I turned off the tv and dvd player, which had been on all night, then I said to myself: "I need a fucking fag" and I thought it sounded really sexy, so I went downstairs and consumed a vitamin c chewable tablet and a cod liver oil capsule whilst drinking a glass of tropical juice. My passion for this drink is still very much alive, it seems. Shit. That's why I came on the computer early, to send Janine a birthday text. We'll get back to my interesting morning in roughly 5 minutes...
Right, that is done. So...yes. After my drinks and pills I stepped outside with my mp3 player, a lighter and one of the lambert and butler cigarettes which James had given me. He's a very generous person, he should stop feeding me. I got to the windy alley at the side of my house, in a pair of shorts and a long sleeved top. I was wearing no bra and very thin panties; it was ever so chilly. So I turned on my mp3 player, which was convieniently playing "The Bucket" (it would make sense, I put it on repeat a couple of days ago) and then I sparked up. It was no longer chilly, but a great place to listen to such a great song.
This then leads me to my moment of insanity which I had experienced the previous night.
Location: Golf Course
Allabies: None, by myself
Cause: Music
Activity: Dancing and singing in the rain
Result: I planned my funeral
I must not ever show someone these plans, I shall leave them along with the gun that I take my life with.
Happy reading.
Oh yeah, my sister is getting me a Babyshambles cd for Christmas...ah bad!!! :D
2 comments:
Fuck off with those shitty things you fucktards.
Jess-I'm sorry if you don't want to hear this or if I'm offending you, but I heard about what happened lastnight and I am so sorry. I know right now it feels like the world has just caved in on itself and you're breaking inside, but I know you're strong.
I remember that letter you wrote to me a while ago, and it meant so much to me just to see that you cared. I just wanted to let you know that you're cared for as well-by so many people.
It can't be easy, and I can't begin to comprehend how you're feeling right now, but I know that you're a strong person, and I believe you have it inside you to take on whatever life throws at you, just like you said you believed in me. You're an incredible, beautiful, unique girl, and you should know that you're not alone.
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