I'm sitting down here...

So, basically, I have just finished the two A2 exams that I am ever going to participate in. And I did them so well and I am so proud.

And so fucking happy that I will never have to do anything again and that for the next months of my life I can sit in the sun and catch a tan.

However, there is a downfall towards this new celebration. Basically, when I was in the exam all my friends decided to fuck off down town so I am now on a computer in college. In the fucking library. I am certainly not happy with this. Actually never had this situation before and I hope I never have to experience it again! Just boredom with actually no idea on what to do or where to even do it.

Poor blog, I just abuse you when I have nothing better to do. Unlucky

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?

Whatever will be, will be. The futures not ours to see. I am coming to the end of an era, with the next era unknown. Should I go for the experience? Or just fester. I need education to have a good time, I like following papers and being told what to do. The life of cleaning is just not for me. Won't tell Daddy that just yet though.

I met the love of my life, the whole 30 seconds where we gazed into eachothers eyes was the most special moment of my life. Shame it was cut so short by some rowdy boys who liked to bop to "Taper Jean Girl". Everytime I hear that song now I fear the crush.

I must not be like my sister, I must pay interest to the other, I should talk to the other and I should visit the final one. I wish I did what I planned to, otherwise I would be more than successful. I would probably be ruling the world.

I ain't moving in the right direction

Something ain't right...

Sex? Tomorrow?
Please!

It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid

So I'm always on about how my friends are fucking me about when it comes to guys. I get some alcohol down me and I'm doing the same. Whore.

I can't believe how well things could have gone, and how embarrassing some things could be. Remind me never to do that again. So, today I have the first appointment of many in order to grow up successfully. I have a wall with many post its on, not a single one has been brought down yet! Oh right, doing quite well then. Should be able to take one or two down today.

Another uni has got back to me, I don't have a clue if they've accepted me or not. Would be nice. Obviously...another post it on the wall. I really hope he meant what he said.

Be careful what you put them through

I love people talking about my sex life at the table. Oh right, broke your figer did ya? I was told that I'm perfect today. Not paranoid, pathetice or petty.

Friends are quality

I can be brown, I can be blue...

It's amazing how people care if you don't quite look like your usual self. I'm just a little tried, watched a bit of a film in my lesson and it was pretty interesting, shame my eyelids were constantly closing throughout the hour.

Spent an hour of my time doing my psychology homework, turns out I didn't do the right bit. Cheers. If I fail to do my homework one more time I will be put on a contract. That's what I like. Going to uni Valentines Day, already got myself a boyfriend.

I've planned my little old life out already

All I ever want is so far gone

It's amazing what can happen if you do something different with your hair, or if you consume some alcohol.

I have no idea why I fall in love with actually everyone when I'm pissed. I look back on the night now, and I think...for fat snakes. I am going to have to face some of those people tonight, and I can imagine the embarrassment already.

Naw...but, it should be good. Can't wait to dress like Baby

Runaway from all your boredom

So a good start to the new year dosn't seem so far away. Another 18th gone, another dance to Come on Eileen has passed. I can't believe how I can actually allow myself to like my friends boyfriend. Clearly, what am I thinking? But he doesn't make the dream seem so far out of reach, which worries me.

Nothing will happen though. Which is good, and which also sucks, because I doubt I could ever find a more perfect match. Naw.

This Friday should sort me out, get my brain in the correct gear. Oh right, going insane am I? I most certainly am not. But I fear that a good ol' friend of mine may be, what a festering family she has. She wouldn't believe she was 18...

It's a race, a race for rats, a race for rats to die.

Can't you see that I'm full of lies?

I keep going back to old habits. Some are life threatening.But, doesn't that add a little spice to things? I sounds strange.

I'm gonna let it out, and do my thang. A boom-boom-boom and a bang-bang-bang

So, I am stranded in this new year of 2007. I am loveless, jobless, moneyless. but I have friends and I am forever free! Hmmm...they don't really compare. So I'm stuck inn photography, with actually nothing to do. I just overheard someone say to the teacher that they've done 1, 2, 3 and 4. 4?! I thought there was only 3! And I haven't even started it yet! I don't know what the title is and what to do for it, so I shall just take my trusty camera to my best friends boyfriends eighteenth birthday party and leave it on a table somewhere so I can fucking boogie.

I've been looking forward to this night for the last week or so. I hope he comes. In more ways than one

Imagine there's no heaven

26 days without being intoxicated by nicotine. I am so proud. So today, I woke up late, still so tired. My tiredness is probably why I am so emotional today.

Friends are strange things. I've learnt today who my real ones are.

You can do without hate

I actually don't know where I stand with anyone right now. I have had such a lack of sleep recently I want to crawl into a hole to either cry or die. I haven't got my christmas presents sorted, and the people who I have to get them for, well, I don't want to get them one.

My friends are being wankers, leading them to not be my friends. I fucking hate bisexuals, they're so festering. I know that I'll be sorted out by next week, and I don't care if I'm not; for I won't have to see them! I swear, if she does one more thing to me...one more thing, I'll actually kill myself.

I have tree trunk legs, and I now know that all my potential lovers will pick up on this. I'm actually screwed.

It's a Friday and I have nothing planned. 14th day without a fag! Woo...go team Jessy!

I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing

Isn't it completely absurd how one day can seem to be the worst possible one that you are ever to face, and then it is followed by one that is so fanbloodytastic, that you regret the thought of suicide.

Both of my emotional days were influenced by boys. The day before, because of the lack of one, today because of the great friendship certain boys provide me with.

I love friends, and I love the way they are friends with the boy who I want to fall in love with. A singer? Gorgeous!


Thoughts of living through G.C.S.E's were not around when I was younger. I am now in my final year of studying A-Levels, and applying to a university. The beautiful boy, Singer, is destined to go to Camebridge. Don't I feel intimidated? I shouldn't too much, as not a lot will happen. But I do want it to. I certainly do.

Reminds me of childhood memories, when everything was fresh as a bright blue sky

So, today has been surreal. First off I have a conversation with someone as if we are breaking up, it actually made me want to cry. It was sweet though, and it has made me believe that he is possibly one of the greatest people I have ever met.

To overcome the sadness, I decided to light up a cigarette, as I walked back into my house I noticed a familiar torso walk outside my house, it was Alex Smeeth of course, so I called him right on over.

Bear in mind, I have no make up on, hair untouched from the night before and still in my pyjamas...he said to ignore what he was wearing, I gestured to my outfit. He sat down on my garden wall and asked me what my plans for tonight were, then asked if I had a boyfriend, after telling me that my hair looked good.

As he walked off, with his curry sauce (which he mentioned wasn't tasty), he said he would give me a shout on the way back from his girlfriends...and then shouted chickens.

After 5 years, I still fucking love that guy

People say that your dreams are the only things that save you

I keep biting the nail varnish off my nails, this is bad as they no longer look pretty and they are also cracking. I've had less of a good day then I thought I was going to have, but I suppose there are still thigns to write in the old diary about.

I really hope that no guys ever read my diary, it would actually be the most embarrassing thing in the world, excluding seeing a friends parent bending over, naked, in the bathroom. Ha. Unlucky, Lettie.

So, I was thinking. If you scare your son and your daughter, who can't you scare?

You sit there in your heartache

I'm waiting on many beautiful boys to save me from my old ways. I don't smoke throughout the week and I'm loving how shit works, ya'know.

Standing at the edge of the cliff...

Oh man, I'm so pissed off with everything. I want to drive, have a boyfriend, have a job and buy clothes whenever I feel or think about it.

I don't have a best friend either, I need someone next to me, and it just sucks knowing that I don't have anyone.

I think I've fallen in love with my best friend (ha, contradicting yaself are ya?) and that just isn't going to work out, and the other guy I think I have fallen in love with lives millions and trillions of billions of miles away from me.

Don't ever think, ever think, ever think too much...

It's 5 o'clock on a Friday morning

Not really, it's later than that. I slept a fantastic 15 hours last night, it was very much appreciated. In more ways than one. The first being that I was knackered, the second being that it made me miss a meal, skinny Jess manages to return again.

I am waiting for my mother to return from Church with my breakfast cereal, "Golden Nuggets; they're honey crunching good!". After I've eaten that, I shall depart to my friends house to talk about nothing important at all. I've fallen in love with another of my college tutors. I'm also finding it hard due to the lack of meisters this year, leading me to admiring the boys of the younger age. Paedophilism is fun, not. No it isn't, you dirty fuckers.

Oh man, I'm listening to Little Chris...and I love it

I can see you, but I can never reach you

Well, well, well no August posts is it? I've been a rather busy little girl. In that space I've managed to completely fuck my life up. Ok, not as bad as I make out, just got a U instead of a rather desired E. I'll miss the embarrassing moments with Shaun, and staring at the beautiful boys.

Blaine Wickett talks to me on msn, he just called me Dickweed. I love chaps like that, almost as much as I love how thin I am today. I was completely off my trotters last night, throwing up all over the place. But man, I'm looking pretty hot, so I'm going to celebrate and go to Crockfest, not drinking though. I'm having a "I'm never going to drink again" day, my stomach must be fucked up, my trousers are stinky with splat marks and my throat hurts due to basically coughing up what was left in my gut as there was no more liquid.

Man, I hate it when that happens, don't drink vodka Jess, it does this to you every single time. But hey, it's fun getting that way!

Must dash, potatoes to cook, men to fuck. Ha, I'm completely kidding. Audi TT driver :) xxx

The picture to the left was labelled "sex!" in my picture file...

You're going mad, perhaps you always were?

The sun is out, and possibly burning all surviving skin cells in my body. But at least I'll be all chocolatey by the end of the day. I'm hanging in my room, with The Streets playing nice and loud with the windows open. The golfers are probably jamming, I shall have a sniff...
Oh, there appear to be none, that's a turn for the books.

So, college is over and I have weeks and weeks of nothing to do. I have applied for a job at trusty Morrisons, I can't wait to stack those shelves and tell people where the Beef Jerky is. I was speaking to someone the other day, they told me about the time when they ate Turkey Jerky. Imagine how rancid it would be.

Club Molotov is a hit. The Fen Tigers played on Thursday, that made my day. Hanging out with Russ and his gorgeous little friend was the cherry on top of a huge cake with very sweet icing. Also, the "nickname" for the club is now Club Molly. How fucking sexy is that? Almost as sexy as Molly's Chambers, and that's sexy. Man, I have to become a regular, and smoke cigarettes through that long tube thing whilst wearing red. I shall become Molly.

Arms are aching and I'm being picked up around 4. Good times to roll on.