I always found myself rather lucky when it came to lack of regrets; I’d never slept with anyone too ugly or rubbish and I always had fun with everything I did. I would always happily state that I never had a regret in life, or would imply that my current terrible hair colour would be it. Which is fine, because it’s the colour of bloody hair. Obviously I’ve woken up on Sunday mornings, feeling complete horror when remembering the antics which occurred the night before; who doesn’t? But it’s never been, in hindsight, that much of a big deal.
During college years, I fell very close to my friend, Becky. She opened my eyes to a lot of things; fashion, music and general values. I guess I'd always had the same voice as her, she just helped me make mine louder without realising it. After college, we went our separate ways; me up North, and she trundled along to the capital. One holiday came along, where we both found ourselves at the same place at the same time, and on a drunk summery day, cherry Lambrini in tow, she asked me why on earth we decided to watch The Klaxons over the Smashing Pumpkins when we went to the Reading Festival in 2007. We drunkenly laughed at our stupidity of missing out on rock legends, which we had always admired, for a band we had only had a summer fling with.
So, that was it, after that, I would tell everyone that my biggest regret in life, was watching The Klaxons play over The Smashing Pumpkins.
The whole time at the festival had been somewhat awkward; all college friends had been put back together after a summer apart due to some great idea we had about 8 months prior when we all still talked. We weren’t the gang we once were. We had grown apart but were forced to share a tent. I had been arguing with my boyfriend on the phone the whole time because we were just shit with each other, so the experience wasn’t looking too great.
The final night came, and along with it, vomit. We sat down at the back of the dance tent, wondering why on earth no one else had chose this delightful area. I put my hair behind my ear and then I smelt the reason why…but we continue to wait for the Klaxons. We somehow got hold of glow sticks, just in time for the best bassline I’d ever heard, it was the best bassline we’d all ever heard. We stood from our sticky seats, and for the first time, we laughed off the half consumed carrot on my fucking sleeve and we bloody danced. All was forgotten, or remembered if you like, and we were friends again. The mutual acknowledgement of the quality music brought us back to where we started out. We didn’t know what we were dancing to, but it was too good not to.
Five years later, I’m in Bristol with my (next) boyfriend, we’re killing time waiting to watch a band later that evening. So we pop into HMV, naturally, it’s one of my favourite places to spend time and money. After H+M. So there we are, and I stumble across a blu ray disc titled “Shut Up And Play The Hits”, I pick it up and read the blurb; how on earth did I miss out on LCD Soundsystem’s final ever show? I absolutely adored them! Their album Sound of Silver is one of those cds which I can put in my player and listen to for days. I had even leant it to three colleagues of mine, trying to spread the word about them (two of them were boys I fancied, trying to impress them with my fantastic musical knowledge). So I bought it and we took it home.
So, days later, I find myself with, finally, some spare time, and this fabulous blu ray disc. I put it on and find myself drawing the curtains, turning the volume up and dancing around my living room. It was as if I was there. I sit down and watch the rest of the dvd, in utter awe of the fabulous band and the even more fabulous songs. They were so perfectly constructed. So right up my street.
So, using my forever faithful hindsight, I take back my biggest regret as not seeing little Billy Corgan rock out, because it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. If it wasn’t for that, I would have never discovered the fantastic LCD Soundsystem. And I never would have passed on their work to the beautiful boys.
So, this brings me back to where I started from, not having a biggest regret in life. Which isn’t a bad place to be in at all. Well, apart from the shit colour of my hair…but you know what, I’ll settle for that.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I have to battle months on end to get anything sorted
I am currently in the middle of two internet 'challenges', the first being a March Photo Challenge on Instagram; a chosen topic for each day, but also the One Month Squat Challenge; to make my bum beautiful.
Tomorrow's photo topic is 'Best Friend', but as I'm going on an all day course, alone, I thought I'd see what I can conjure up prematurely. So I looked through all my Facebook pictures, and bunged them in an app to make a collage.
Of course, this sounds trivial, but I really struggled to fill those 6 squares appropriately. The first one I did, it missed out the person who is probably closest to me, due to the compromise of wanting to hold on to the old friends. It just looked good to have them in the photo. So I made a ruthless decision to take out the old, just for now anyway. Maybe they can make an appearance next year when we can both make an effort to see each other.
The next one I did, really focussed on the new friendships I have made. Really new. In fact most people in my life have no idea how I can consider this man as one of my best friends because I have to kind of hide it in some way. However, putting him in made me unintentionally exclude a friend neither old or new, but still ever present none the less. I had also reluctantly not included one of my oldest, nearest and dearest in both versions. So I decided to start up again.
So, the final version. I took out the inappropriately new, as well as the 'not wanting to let go' old, and I arrived to a collage of my best friends.
Louise, a friend I found in a colleague. It's amazing how a place can bring people together; two completely mental and potentially psychologically ill girls, who have the same views on relationships, crap girls and, most importantly, food.
Janine. My friend from college. Met her on the first day, went to different unis, studied the same thing, got the same degree result and then ended up working in the same shop. It was fate. My closest. Forever in my heart.
Piti, a beautiful girl who gave me a holiday of a lifetime. Stuck with me during my stubborn ways and sunstroke days. And still talks to me this day. No matter how long we haven't spoke, we always pick it right back up from what we left off.
Air, again like Piti, we don't get to see each other often, but when we do it's as if there's never been a hiatus. Two minds which are the same. It feels like coming home when we talk; not a single worry in the world and complete understanding.
Toby. My comedian. The nicest and funniest man in history, with a sense of humour which is one in a million. Basically, a complete weirdo who laughs and promotes your shit jokes because your just as weird too. Lucky I found him.
Finally, my huns, my soul mates since the tender age of 11.
Sometimes I like to dwell on things that don't even matter? And then spend half an hour writing about it. That's why I'm so fucking mental, and have a cupboard dedicated to my bullshit scribblings and crazy theories. Which are probably all true...
As for the squat challenge, I'm only 6 days in so not too much to report, but I have surprised myself with the motivation and will power I have. Always always always doubt myself. Who would have thought I would have turned out the self deprecating fool?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tomorrow's photo topic is 'Best Friend', but as I'm going on an all day course, alone, I thought I'd see what I can conjure up prematurely. So I looked through all my Facebook pictures, and bunged them in an app to make a collage.
Of course, this sounds trivial, but I really struggled to fill those 6 squares appropriately. The first one I did, it missed out the person who is probably closest to me, due to the compromise of wanting to hold on to the old friends. It just looked good to have them in the photo. So I made a ruthless decision to take out the old, just for now anyway. Maybe they can make an appearance next year when we can both make an effort to see each other.
The next one I did, really focussed on the new friendships I have made. Really new. In fact most people in my life have no idea how I can consider this man as one of my best friends because I have to kind of hide it in some way. However, putting him in made me unintentionally exclude a friend neither old or new, but still ever present none the less. I had also reluctantly not included one of my oldest, nearest and dearest in both versions. So I decided to start up again.
So, the final version. I took out the inappropriately new, as well as the 'not wanting to let go' old, and I arrived to a collage of my best friends.
Louise, a friend I found in a colleague. It's amazing how a place can bring people together; two completely mental and potentially psychologically ill girls, who have the same views on relationships, crap girls and, most importantly, food.
Janine. My friend from college. Met her on the first day, went to different unis, studied the same thing, got the same degree result and then ended up working in the same shop. It was fate. My closest. Forever in my heart.
Piti, a beautiful girl who gave me a holiday of a lifetime. Stuck with me during my stubborn ways and sunstroke days. And still talks to me this day. No matter how long we haven't spoke, we always pick it right back up from what we left off.
Air, again like Piti, we don't get to see each other often, but when we do it's as if there's never been a hiatus. Two minds which are the same. It feels like coming home when we talk; not a single worry in the world and complete understanding.
Toby. My comedian. The nicest and funniest man in history, with a sense of humour which is one in a million. Basically, a complete weirdo who laughs and promotes your shit jokes because your just as weird too. Lucky I found him.
Finally, my huns, my soul mates since the tender age of 11.
Sometimes I like to dwell on things that don't even matter? And then spend half an hour writing about it. That's why I'm so fucking mental, and have a cupboard dedicated to my bullshit scribblings and crazy theories. Which are probably all true...
As for the squat challenge, I'm only 6 days in so not too much to report, but I have surprised myself with the motivation and will power I have. Always always always doubt myself. Who would have thought I would have turned out the self deprecating fool?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Fore Street,Stratton,United Kingdom
Friday, March 15, 2013
Saturday, March 09, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
This evolutionary invention was incredibly complex
It's amazing what power can be held if you are physically attractive.
I knew I was having a good day when I lived up North, as I would have to cross a busy road every day for uni which could take around 10 minutes. If I wore a belt in the right place, or actually washed my hair, cars would actually break and stop all the people behind.
I know I'm having a good day, now that I'm living back down South, when I walk through my town centre, and a girl from my year who has mutually avoided my eye contact since 2005, says "Hey Jess" from within a shop. She was heavily pregnant, which was a surprise. If our eyes meet again, and my hair remains grease free, I'll talk to her about it.
I wonder what this week has in store for me. Confirmations on all levels, it is exciting and nervewracking. I really need to hold my composure, and yet relax. This time next week could be a whole new ballgame.
Tomorrow I'm seeing the creators of Anna Sun! Hasn't set in yet, always better to not be excited! Take it as it comes, you know? Can't believe how much this week has in store actually. I should do things like this more often.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I knew I was having a good day when I lived up North, as I would have to cross a busy road every day for uni which could take around 10 minutes. If I wore a belt in the right place, or actually washed my hair, cars would actually break and stop all the people behind.
I know I'm having a good day, now that I'm living back down South, when I walk through my town centre, and a girl from my year who has mutually avoided my eye contact since 2005, says "Hey Jess" from within a shop. She was heavily pregnant, which was a surprise. If our eyes meet again, and my hair remains grease free, I'll talk to her about it.
I wonder what this week has in store for me. Confirmations on all levels, it is exciting and nervewracking. I really need to hold my composure, and yet relax. This time next week could be a whole new ballgame.
Tomorrow I'm seeing the creators of Anna Sun! Hasn't set in yet, always better to not be excited! Take it as it comes, you know? Can't believe how much this week has in store actually. I should do things like this more often.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Fore Street,Stratton,United Kingdom
Friday, February 15, 2013
Roll away your stone, I'll roll away mine. Together we can see what we will find...
Don't leave me alone at this time. For I'm afraid of what I may discover inside.
I knew something was going to erupt throughout the birthday period! Told you so.
Earlier on in the week, I was reunited with a soul I used to never be apart from, I had desperately wanted to see him since our friendship had hit a two year hiatus. But my confidence was knocked after we no longer understood eachother's humour, and we would talk over each other constantly, no longer knowing when the stories had finished. We didn't even discuss why he'd so ruthlessly cut me out of his life.
Things got better and we arranged to meet again later, with our third musketeer. It was just as uncomfortable, even with the addition of Southern Comfort. I kept thinking, am I being too loud? Am I being too naughty? What is he going to go back and tell his partner?
It wasn't this that got me down though. For when Thursday came again, and the three of us met up for lunch, everything clicked into place. We were united again, laughing at bad circumstances thrown at us, laughing at bad circumstances that we had managed to avoid, just generally laughing. We had finally got to that wonderful state we were in years ago. And I had never had so much fun.
So maybe it was the haircut disaster? I had had lunch with another old friend, discussed the same stuff we ever do, and also of haircuts. It was both enlightening and moreish; we really must make it a regular occurrence, for his sanity more than mine. My time for the haircut came, so lunch ended.
I trundled out for a few miles, got the dye on (just a brown please) and then waited for it to develop. The past few weeks, all I had imagined was what I could potentially look like on my birthday night out, with a gorgeous little jumpsuit I'd bought and my new gorgeously chocolated hair. Not a faded red in sight!
It came to the exciting time of washing it out, and I'm glad I'd opted to do it alone, as I nearly bursted into tears the second I saw red wash out in the water. What the fuck is this?! I was so angry. Not only will I have to dye it again so soon, but my poor beautiful outfit. Ruined!
I didn't even get it blow dried, just cut and I went home. Avoiding the mirrors in the car at all costs, sometimes failing to do so made me see the dark purple mess on my head. I went home and cried, pathetic I know! But, as I texted my friend who I had lunch with prior to the disaster; there is no surprise to leaving a hairdressers unsatisfied. Actual story of my life.
It wasn't this though, for I straightened it and bunged some make up on and I actually looked really nice...really nice!
Even girly night, after being made late, I thought, there is no way in hell they will make me cake or get me a present; something we do for all our birthdays. I thought I would be forgotten. But alas, I could not have been more wrong. They hadn't forgotten me at all, and it was a fantastic present!
So, the big day. Let's just reel off the FANTASTICNESS of it. Tickets to see Fleetwood Mac, that's right. THE Fleetwood Mac, original Rumours line up, minus my Christine McVie which is a shame because I'm really enjoying her right now. Yeah so, best ever right? Once in a lifetime opportunity, so good. And my bloody Papa gave me a photo of my car; at first I thought he was just highlighting my love of photos, after he explained to me it meant the car was now mine, all debts written off. I was on cloud 9! I heard from who I wanted on the birthday wishes front. Chaz took me to Padstow, we had a meal at Rick Stein's chippy, went shopping in Truro and watched a film in the cinema (very apt). I genuinely felt like a princess. What amazing people I have in my life. So maybe it was because of all the greatness of these days that after it, it all crashed down?
It comes to the birthday night out, one hun cancels. The other huns come out, complain all night about how they don't want to be out and I get my bloody mood out. I couldn't help but feel that I didn't want this. Just wanted to run away, taking the good with me. I made it known.
"Jess it's your birthday! You're in the Ben and The Chain is on!"
That was what sorted me out. I danced to Paradise By The Dashboard Light and all 4 hours negativity was gone.
And it turns out that the good wanted to run with me too.
It wasn't even that bad, just wish I hadn't made it bad and put a downer on it. Need to have so much more belief in my friends and family. It shows how amazing they are. It really was the best year ever. I hope the dreams of running away go soon, it is draining.
P.S I am NEVER going to wear a jumpsuit out again, had to take it all off every time I went to the toilet! All that heartache, for what ended up being the worst outfit in history. There's gotta be a lesson to be learnt here, right?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I knew something was going to erupt throughout the birthday period! Told you so.
Earlier on in the week, I was reunited with a soul I used to never be apart from, I had desperately wanted to see him since our friendship had hit a two year hiatus. But my confidence was knocked after we no longer understood eachother's humour, and we would talk over each other constantly, no longer knowing when the stories had finished. We didn't even discuss why he'd so ruthlessly cut me out of his life.
Things got better and we arranged to meet again later, with our third musketeer. It was just as uncomfortable, even with the addition of Southern Comfort. I kept thinking, am I being too loud? Am I being too naughty? What is he going to go back and tell his partner?
It wasn't this that got me down though. For when Thursday came again, and the three of us met up for lunch, everything clicked into place. We were united again, laughing at bad circumstances thrown at us, laughing at bad circumstances that we had managed to avoid, just generally laughing. We had finally got to that wonderful state we were in years ago. And I had never had so much fun.
So maybe it was the haircut disaster? I had had lunch with another old friend, discussed the same stuff we ever do, and also of haircuts. It was both enlightening and moreish; we really must make it a regular occurrence, for his sanity more than mine. My time for the haircut came, so lunch ended.
I trundled out for a few miles, got the dye on (just a brown please) and then waited for it to develop. The past few weeks, all I had imagined was what I could potentially look like on my birthday night out, with a gorgeous little jumpsuit I'd bought and my new gorgeously chocolated hair. Not a faded red in sight!
It came to the exciting time of washing it out, and I'm glad I'd opted to do it alone, as I nearly bursted into tears the second I saw red wash out in the water. What the fuck is this?! I was so angry. Not only will I have to dye it again so soon, but my poor beautiful outfit. Ruined!
I didn't even get it blow dried, just cut and I went home. Avoiding the mirrors in the car at all costs, sometimes failing to do so made me see the dark purple mess on my head. I went home and cried, pathetic I know! But, as I texted my friend who I had lunch with prior to the disaster; there is no surprise to leaving a hairdressers unsatisfied. Actual story of my life.
It wasn't this though, for I straightened it and bunged some make up on and I actually looked really nice...really nice!
Even girly night, after being made late, I thought, there is no way in hell they will make me cake or get me a present; something we do for all our birthdays. I thought I would be forgotten. But alas, I could not have been more wrong. They hadn't forgotten me at all, and it was a fantastic present!
So, the big day. Let's just reel off the FANTASTICNESS of it. Tickets to see Fleetwood Mac, that's right. THE Fleetwood Mac, original Rumours line up, minus my Christine McVie which is a shame because I'm really enjoying her right now. Yeah so, best ever right? Once in a lifetime opportunity, so good. And my bloody Papa gave me a photo of my car; at first I thought he was just highlighting my love of photos, after he explained to me it meant the car was now mine, all debts written off. I was on cloud 9! I heard from who I wanted on the birthday wishes front. Chaz took me to Padstow, we had a meal at Rick Stein's chippy, went shopping in Truro and watched a film in the cinema (very apt). I genuinely felt like a princess. What amazing people I have in my life. So maybe it was because of all the greatness of these days that after it, it all crashed down?
It comes to the birthday night out, one hun cancels. The other huns come out, complain all night about how they don't want to be out and I get my bloody mood out. I couldn't help but feel that I didn't want this. Just wanted to run away, taking the good with me. I made it known.
"Jess it's your birthday! You're in the Ben and The Chain is on!"
That was what sorted me out. I danced to Paradise By The Dashboard Light and all 4 hours negativity was gone.
And it turns out that the good wanted to run with me too.
It wasn't even that bad, just wish I hadn't made it bad and put a downer on it. Need to have so much more belief in my friends and family. It shows how amazing they are. It really was the best year ever. I hope the dreams of running away go soon, it is draining.
P.S I am NEVER going to wear a jumpsuit out again, had to take it all off every time I went to the toilet! All that heartache, for what ended up being the worst outfit in history. There's gotta be a lesson to be learnt here, right?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Maiden Street,,United Kingdom
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
One more round before the final, and the subject is sport
I don't know what it is about the time around my birthday that makes me anxious and sad.
I seem to have it in my mind that this day is the conclusion of everything I deserve from what I have put in since last February.
Laughs upon laughs at girly night, then when it comes to planning a birthday night out, they can't afford it.
Lack of birthday wishes from people who once held the date heavy on their hearts.
I need to bloody snap out of it, grow up and be happy with what I do get. I know it is so immature, I recognise that! But at the end of every January, the feeling soon rears its ugly head.
What else could be worse than the birthday blues? A bad trip to the hairdressers; what a lethally depression combination. I asked for brown! Not red! And it's turned out purple. And I really needed a thorough cut, which, judging by the lack of hair on the floor, did not occur.
Give it a bloody rest Jess, it's only a haircut. I have to laugh about it all really, otherwise I really would cry.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I seem to have it in my mind that this day is the conclusion of everything I deserve from what I have put in since last February.
Laughs upon laughs at girly night, then when it comes to planning a birthday night out, they can't afford it.
Lack of birthday wishes from people who once held the date heavy on their hearts.
I need to bloody snap out of it, grow up and be happy with what I do get. I know it is so immature, I recognise that! But at the end of every January, the feeling soon rears its ugly head.
What else could be worse than the birthday blues? A bad trip to the hairdressers; what a lethally depression combination. I asked for brown! Not red! And it's turned out purple. And I really needed a thorough cut, which, judging by the lack of hair on the floor, did not occur.
Give it a bloody rest Jess, it's only a haircut. I have to laugh about it all really, otherwise I really would cry.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
We're more like best friends
I have been in a metaphorical pickle for a while now, questioning the meaning of life every night at 12am, even if my alarm is set for 4:45am. Not only is it tiring, but it is upsetting and tedious also.
I have a vision though; it's as if it is a screenshot of the future in my head. Doesn't even seem fictional or even too farfetched.
I don't know whether I should do things to aid it happening? I think I'll just carry on doing whatever, and if it's meant to happen then something will unravel...
A really nice thought though, looks perfect in fact. Which is just what every person in history wants for their life. Oh I hope it does happen! Last time I had a vision like this, I genuinely, 100% thought Strider from Blazin' Squad and I were going to end up together...
That probably didn't happen just because Jess took Frankie to the concert instead of me...
High hopes. Cute, little, hairy babies.
I have a vision though; it's as if it is a screenshot of the future in my head. Doesn't even seem fictional or even too farfetched.
I don't know whether I should do things to aid it happening? I think I'll just carry on doing whatever, and if it's meant to happen then something will unravel...
A really nice thought though, looks perfect in fact. Which is just what every person in history wants for their life. Oh I hope it does happen! Last time I had a vision like this, I genuinely, 100% thought Strider from Blazin' Squad and I were going to end up together...
That probably didn't happen just because Jess took Frankie to the concert instead of me...
High hopes. Cute, little, hairy babies.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
I know it's getting harder to be you
Just thought I'd express a moment of sheer happiness.
That moment when, you're a teenage girl (obviously) who has just discovered this fabulous band that are completely new to you (well not completely new, as you saw them on music channels before, but disregarded them because of the beards - silly girl). You literally cannot stop listening to this one song, and have it on repeat for around 300 turns. You like it so much that you decide to do further research, download the majority of their songs which come at the top of 'limewire' and then give them all a listen to see if you love them too.
Weeks later, you're still crazy on the band. In fact you are so in love in with the lead singer, you watch every single video and 'screenshot' it when he looks 'cute'. You also do some bullshit edits in paint of the two of you hugging (remember; teenage girl). You do even more research, desperately wanting more so you google the discography...oh wait, there's one you haven't downloaded yet. Might check out those lyrics...
You read along through, yeah they sound nice. Oh wait a minute...there's a name in it? Oh wait! It's your bloody name!!! In black and white, on the second album. No one can take this away from you. This isn't a shit picture you've made on a shit program, this is on their record.
You scramble to download it immediately, and as it plays you follow the lyrics with great anticipation until around one and a half minutes, and there it is; the screeched confession of loving you back.
I cannot wait to see the Kings of Leon this June.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
That moment when, you're a teenage girl (obviously) who has just discovered this fabulous band that are completely new to you (well not completely new, as you saw them on music channels before, but disregarded them because of the beards - silly girl). You literally cannot stop listening to this one song, and have it on repeat for around 300 turns. You like it so much that you decide to do further research, download the majority of their songs which come at the top of 'limewire' and then give them all a listen to see if you love them too.
Weeks later, you're still crazy on the band. In fact you are so in love in with the lead singer, you watch every single video and 'screenshot' it when he looks 'cute'. You also do some bullshit edits in paint of the two of you hugging (remember; teenage girl). You do even more research, desperately wanting more so you google the discography...oh wait, there's one you haven't downloaded yet. Might check out those lyrics...
You read along through, yeah they sound nice. Oh wait a minute...there's a name in it? Oh wait! It's your bloody name!!! In black and white, on the second album. No one can take this away from you. This isn't a shit picture you've made on a shit program, this is on their record.
You scramble to download it immediately, and as it plays you follow the lyrics with great anticipation until around one and a half minutes, and there it is; the screeched confession of loving you back.
I cannot wait to see the Kings of Leon this June.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
I turn the music up, I got my records on
I cannot believe how many people have apologised to me in the last few months. This isn't even over little things; big fall outs which have lasted months/years. And everyone seems to have just decided to like me again in November, December and January all of a sudden?
Am I a little more endearing than I was in 2011? Have I calmed down in my annoying and loud habits? Or maybe they have just realised I was never wanted the outcome of a fallout in the first place.
I genuinely thought that maybe I was a bit mental in how I reacted to reactions...but I am glad I stood my ground. Maybe I genuinely hadn't done anything at all? Them apologising obviously meant they recognised that it was in fact them who had made us no longer talk to each other.
Don't get me wrong; I make mistakes. I know I can be annoying, and highlight problems. I don't keep things bottled up to worry about; I like to deal with things head on, it may not be the best approach, but it's only ever to reach a solution which I think is where people misunderstand me. I may well sound like an asshole, but I mentioned it because I don't like it, and I'm mentioning it so we can sort it before I end up not liking it beyond repair.
Obviously some apologies have been accepted simply to make social events less awkward, some have been welcomed with open wide arms (bloody missed you) and one hasn't been accepted at all.
Roll on 2013; where the bad people are cut out instead of slagged off. You only get 10,000,000 chances with me! (Really have bloody missed you).
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Am I a little more endearing than I was in 2011? Have I calmed down in my annoying and loud habits? Or maybe they have just realised I was never wanted the outcome of a fallout in the first place.
I genuinely thought that maybe I was a bit mental in how I reacted to reactions...but I am glad I stood my ground. Maybe I genuinely hadn't done anything at all? Them apologising obviously meant they recognised that it was in fact them who had made us no longer talk to each other.
Don't get me wrong; I make mistakes. I know I can be annoying, and highlight problems. I don't keep things bottled up to worry about; I like to deal with things head on, it may not be the best approach, but it's only ever to reach a solution which I think is where people misunderstand me. I may well sound like an asshole, but I mentioned it because I don't like it, and I'm mentioning it so we can sort it before I end up not liking it beyond repair.
Obviously some apologies have been accepted simply to make social events less awkward, some have been welcomed with open wide arms (bloody missed you) and one hasn't been accepted at all.
Roll on 2013; where the bad people are cut out instead of slagged off. You only get 10,000,000 chances with me! (Really have bloody missed you).
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, January 05, 2013
What is it with you and sport?
Sometimes I like to actually stick to my New Years resolutions...a whole year and not a single cigarette. Not a sausage, or even a drag!
I really do hope I can fulfill my next one throughout 2013; to work hard and be nice to people. I want to be respected and get things done, as well as having a clear conscience. All is going well so far; I've been trying to throw myself into situations I would have usually flat out avoided. They may not have always been successful, but I did then anyway! And it resulted in me coming home and crying... I've also only slagged off Debbie, but that's only because, honestly, no one gives a shit if you're allergic to nuts. Plus I wanted a text from Lucy :).
Today, well, recently has been quite a struggle. I am very much going through a mid twenty crisis. I am absolutely terrible with regards to believing the term "the grass is always greener on the other side". I have got to realise that even if I was on the other side, I would just as much want to be here. I have got to start enjoying what I have got and making the most of it.
Or I could save all my money, run off to Alaska and then die in an abandoned minibus because I identified an edible plant incorrectly...
I have a lot to do to grow, and I have a lot to do to improve. But I also have a lot to look forward to. Bring it on .
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I really do hope I can fulfill my next one throughout 2013; to work hard and be nice to people. I want to be respected and get things done, as well as having a clear conscience. All is going well so far; I've been trying to throw myself into situations I would have usually flat out avoided. They may not have always been successful, but I did then anyway! And it resulted in me coming home and crying... I've also only slagged off Debbie, but that's only because, honestly, no one gives a shit if you're allergic to nuts. Plus I wanted a text from Lucy :).
Today, well, recently has been quite a struggle. I am very much going through a mid twenty crisis. I am absolutely terrible with regards to believing the term "the grass is always greener on the other side". I have got to realise that even if I was on the other side, I would just as much want to be here. I have got to start enjoying what I have got and making the most of it.
Or I could save all my money, run off to Alaska and then die in an abandoned minibus because I identified an edible plant incorrectly...
I have a lot to do to grow, and I have a lot to do to improve. But I also have a lot to look forward to. Bring it on .
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Saturday, November 03, 2012
I was a champion roller skater
Nothing has changed recently, only my attitude. I've had the same friends since I was 11, when we left school we were with each other every weekend, during university years we saw each other in the holidays, and, since then, every Thursday evening we take the time out of our busy schedules, shit relationships and depressing lifestyles to get together and just laugh about it.
It's taken me over ten years to realise this, but they really are my support, the best part of my life! I can be anywhere with them, things may not have gone to plan, but we will still make the best of the situation and just have fun.
This is definitely inspired by a Sex and the City episode (which of my posts aren't? Really!) but they are my soul mates. I can be in the foulest of moods, dare I say it? Suicidal (I am exaggerating greatly) but, plonk me in a room with them, and we'll be laughing about what way to jump off a cliff.
I really hope everyone else has such a great friendship group too, because it is definitely needed! Everyone needs to know that relationships are not the be all and end all. I love Chaz to pieces, but nothing is more assuring than knowing you'll be just fine after your twathole man has cheated on you. With your best friend. Twice. It's gonna happen! (I'm praying it doesn't).
It's nice to know that they will run away with you when you want. It's nice to have a thought and then them saying "I know" and it's nice to have a happy and silly thought which you can text at a stupid time and you know you'll get a reply of "haha yes!!".
I am always so self deprecating, but no matter how shit I am, my friends really are anything but. Jesus, I actually love them. Roll on the next 90 years.
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It's taken me over ten years to realise this, but they really are my support, the best part of my life! I can be anywhere with them, things may not have gone to plan, but we will still make the best of the situation and just have fun.
This is definitely inspired by a Sex and the City episode (which of my posts aren't? Really!) but they are my soul mates. I can be in the foulest of moods, dare I say it? Suicidal (I am exaggerating greatly) but, plonk me in a room with them, and we'll be laughing about what way to jump off a cliff.
I really hope everyone else has such a great friendship group too, because it is definitely needed! Everyone needs to know that relationships are not the be all and end all. I love Chaz to pieces, but nothing is more assuring than knowing you'll be just fine after your twathole man has cheated on you. With your best friend. Twice. It's gonna happen! (I'm praying it doesn't).
It's nice to know that they will run away with you when you want. It's nice to have a thought and then them saying "I know" and it's nice to have a happy and silly thought which you can text at a stupid time and you know you'll get a reply of "haha yes!!".
I am always so self deprecating, but no matter how shit I am, my friends really are anything but. Jesus, I actually love them. Roll on the next 90 years.
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Location:Fore Street,Stratton,United Kingdom
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Money is the anthem of success
Please, please say this is the ending. I don't know whether I could make the other ending happen .
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Monday, May 28, 2012
You can't normalise. Don't it make you feel alive
Life has been full and full of sorting recently; sorting through relationships, memories, food and just stuff! Of course there are the few bits and pieces which I thought I would benefit from if I kept, but I've been ruthless from a completely selfish point of view, so I chucked them. Maybe some of it I shouldn't have disposed of, but that's my bed to snooze in. Plus I never would have worn that top.
Decluttering is at it's peak since I moved out from home, I simply have too much stuff! I have to ask my loved one to give up what three drawers he actally does have so I have room for all seven million of my bikinis. Absolutely ridiculous. I've also been dabbling in the world of Ebay, trying to let go of some DVDs which weren't sitting too comfortably on my brimming white bookcase. And boy is it exciting! One bid, 12 watchers and still three days to go. Wish me luck, so that I can treat my sister's on their birthdays as well as do what is on my financial to do list, so I can fucking relax a bit more.
From all this work, my insecurities, I think, are just about gone. If there is one thing I've learnt from my friends, I may not have the legs or tits they quite want; but my eyelashes are quite sought after it seems. Could be worse. I feel I'm ready to forget about all the silly irrational things that sent my mind mental, by writing the names of the people I'm insanely jealous of onto a piece of paper and letting them blow far out into the wind. Out of my mind.
Note I'm not burning them quite yet...might want to come back to them still. Oh Jess, you really are bloody mental. Oh well, swings and roundabouts you know hun? At least, with the friends I actually have left, and the new ones I have made, I can have a good old laugh about bullshit situations. Yippedy skiibop.
Once this bid is done with, and this fucking overdraft is reduced dramatically, I will chill out. I'll relax. I really need to.
Cue lovely holiday. Oh wait, NO MONEY. It's alright Jess, at least you have a car.
Decluttering is at it's peak since I moved out from home, I simply have too much stuff! I have to ask my loved one to give up what three drawers he actally does have so I have room for all seven million of my bikinis. Absolutely ridiculous. I've also been dabbling in the world of Ebay, trying to let go of some DVDs which weren't sitting too comfortably on my brimming white bookcase. And boy is it exciting! One bid, 12 watchers and still three days to go. Wish me luck, so that I can treat my sister's on their birthdays as well as do what is on my financial to do list, so I can fucking relax a bit more.
From all this work, my insecurities, I think, are just about gone. If there is one thing I've learnt from my friends, I may not have the legs or tits they quite want; but my eyelashes are quite sought after it seems. Could be worse. I feel I'm ready to forget about all the silly irrational things that sent my mind mental, by writing the names of the people I'm insanely jealous of onto a piece of paper and letting them blow far out into the wind. Out of my mind.
Note I'm not burning them quite yet...might want to come back to them still. Oh Jess, you really are bloody mental. Oh well, swings and roundabouts you know hun? At least, with the friends I actually have left, and the new ones I have made, I can have a good old laugh about bullshit situations. Yippedy skiibop.
Once this bid is done with, and this fucking overdraft is reduced dramatically, I will chill out. I'll relax. I really need to.
Cue lovely holiday. Oh wait, NO MONEY. It's alright Jess, at least you have a car.
Friday, January 27, 2012
30 - 40
The ultimate, "I'll sleep when I die" attitude. Alas, it is finally gone, debts won't bladdy pay themselves (as it's taken me two years to work out). I'll just pop upstairs and watch it alone, which is a very scary thought, whilst the future mother-in-law continues watching tennis. I've tried understanding the scoring system but it is simply ridiculous. Oh well, pain is beauty and all that...
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Friday, January 06, 2012
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong
Another new year and with it comes the resolutions. However, due to my impressive acts over the last year, giving up smoking is not one of them. Neither is cutting loose the people who I felt made me feel bad about myself. As much of a cliche it is, you do only live once, so why have people around that make you feel bad about things that you honestly don't think was that bad in the first place? The feelings mutal, I'm not on my high horse or anything.
To say I've struggled without three people, who, this time last year, I considered to be the most important, is an understatement. But good things come to those who wait. Grass is always greener. You snooze, you lose.
The year ahead should, in theory, be happier and stress free, healthier and (hopefully) financially improved. Beautiful men are where it's at, that's where it's always been. Beautiful Charles.
Who would have thought I would not be a utilitarian? It's hard.
But another thing that isn't hard (or has to be done) is lose weight. Thank you, my wonderful Mexican holiday, not only did it open my eyes to the world, experience different cultures and allowed me to rub the tummy of a dolphin, bit is also provided food which had me on the toilet a million times a day, emptying everything single morsel in there, and making me have a body like a slightly over sized model which seems to have stayed that way since... God bless, and happy new year!
To say I've struggled without three people, who, this time last year, I considered to be the most important, is an understatement. But good things come to those who wait. Grass is always greener. You snooze, you lose.
The year ahead should, in theory, be happier and stress free, healthier and (hopefully) financially improved. Beautiful men are where it's at, that's where it's always been. Beautiful Charles.
Who would have thought I would not be a utilitarian? It's hard.
But another thing that isn't hard (or has to be done) is lose weight. Thank you, my wonderful Mexican holiday, not only did it open my eyes to the world, experience different cultures and allowed me to rub the tummy of a dolphin, bit is also provided food which had me on the toilet a million times a day, emptying everything single morsel in there, and making me have a body like a slightly over sized model which seems to have stayed that way since... God bless, and happy new year!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Take those pictures down, and shake it out
Stuck in a rut is my current location. Things seem to be constantly regurgitated and I haven't recieved romantic attention for a long time now. I don't want it all to not pay off...I fear things have reached that turn around point, where the power you once held has gone to the hands of the other, making you pathetic. Time will tell, I don't dwell on it often, only when I see a nice picture or when I realise I haven't done a lot recently.
A week away from payday, it's always the day I feel best, I no longer need to worry about what I need to do with money. I pay everything I owe and then I'm finally able to sleep at night.
After tomorrow I shall be feeling fabulous. Not only do I feel optimistic about finding romantic attention (there is a pie I am considering) tomorrow night, My best friend is coming back from Greece for a week, and then my other best friend will be returning from his Northern clutch. And what could possibly be better to accomodate this? A week of the ever so recently busy work.
I fully intend to be kissed, sunkissed and stoned throughout this next week, I'm far from growing up so I may as well relish in it.
Watch out Bude, for the boys, my white gut, and my laughter. I've gotta feeling...that tonight's gonna be a good week. Oh right. Pie, be out, and the other pie, come back. Still can't face the music, it's been way too long now.
That's how it starts, we go back to your house...
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A week away from payday, it's always the day I feel best, I no longer need to worry about what I need to do with money. I pay everything I owe and then I'm finally able to sleep at night.
After tomorrow I shall be feeling fabulous. Not only do I feel optimistic about finding romantic attention (there is a pie I am considering) tomorrow night, My best friend is coming back from Greece for a week, and then my other best friend will be returning from his Northern clutch. And what could possibly be better to accomodate this? A week of the ever so recently busy work.
I fully intend to be kissed, sunkissed and stoned throughout this next week, I'm far from growing up so I may as well relish in it.
Watch out Bude, for the boys, my white gut, and my laughter. I've gotta feeling...that tonight's gonna be a good week. Oh right. Pie, be out, and the other pie, come back. Still can't face the music, it's been way too long now.
That's how it starts, we go back to your house...
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Thursday, March 31, 2011
You can hold her hand, and show her how you cry
Lots and lots of things have been sorted out. With my wages, I calculated the outgoings and took that away from the total, then set some money aside for this months essentials, such as petrol, deoderant, birthday presents and vet bills, and then I divided the rest into four weeks.
It feels good being in control of things. So in control, I have arranged a holiday of my own, flying to Mexico by myself and meeting a friend there. I haven't flown since I was two so it may be a bit daunting, but with most things I find myself underwhelmed so I imagine it'll be just fine. I imagined I would borrow 700 of the finest English pounds from my Papa, boosting the loan I have with all already by an extortionate amount, but that all changed today.
Mum told me of a surprise yesterday morning, saying that after work that evening I would find out what it was, it didn't happen that night, I presumed it would just be my old foster sister coming to visit, as I asked mum if it was a person, she said yes, but then said it wouldn't be family.
So this morning, I return home, and I ask dad if we can book the flights to Mexico, and he tells me to de research on the buses to and from the airport. So I rush upstairs, and then he calls me back downstairs as there is someone to see me. He gestures me to the back door and my next door neighbour is perched on his steps. I automatically become anxious, as the last time this happened, Dave had given me £1000. My heart starts racing as I see he holds an envelope behind his back. He hands it over, saying that he was offered a job in America and he turned it down and he regretted it, and then he hands me over an envelope, with "Jess, Mexico bound" on the front. I hug him and then tell him he is the greatest person in the world, along with roughly a million thank yous, and then I retreat back to the comfort of my own home to open it. Another cheque for £1000. I am officially the luckiest girl in the world. I really hope I deserve it. I hope he doesn't regret his decision and I make him proud.
Just some things in life you just can't believe.
It feels good being in control of things. So in control, I have arranged a holiday of my own, flying to Mexico by myself and meeting a friend there. I haven't flown since I was two so it may be a bit daunting, but with most things I find myself underwhelmed so I imagine it'll be just fine. I imagined I would borrow 700 of the finest English pounds from my Papa, boosting the loan I have with all already by an extortionate amount, but that all changed today.
Mum told me of a surprise yesterday morning, saying that after work that evening I would find out what it was, it didn't happen that night, I presumed it would just be my old foster sister coming to visit, as I asked mum if it was a person, she said yes, but then said it wouldn't be family.
So this morning, I return home, and I ask dad if we can book the flights to Mexico, and he tells me to de research on the buses to and from the airport. So I rush upstairs, and then he calls me back downstairs as there is someone to see me. He gestures me to the back door and my next door neighbour is perched on his steps. I automatically become anxious, as the last time this happened, Dave had given me £1000. My heart starts racing as I see he holds an envelope behind his back. He hands it over, saying that he was offered a job in America and he turned it down and he regretted it, and then he hands me over an envelope, with "Jess, Mexico bound" on the front. I hug him and then tell him he is the greatest person in the world, along with roughly a million thank yous, and then I retreat back to the comfort of my own home to open it. Another cheque for £1000. I am officially the luckiest girl in the world. I really hope I deserve it. I hope he doesn't regret his decision and I make him proud.
Just some things in life you just can't believe.
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