You're going mad, perhaps you always were?

The sun is out, and possibly burning all surviving skin cells in my body. But at least I'll be all chocolatey by the end of the day. I'm hanging in my room, with The Streets playing nice and loud with the windows open. The golfers are probably jamming, I shall have a sniff...
Oh, there appear to be none, that's a turn for the books.

So, college is over and I have weeks and weeks of nothing to do. I have applied for a job at trusty Morrisons, I can't wait to stack those shelves and tell people where the Beef Jerky is. I was speaking to someone the other day, they told me about the time when they ate Turkey Jerky. Imagine how rancid it would be.

Club Molotov is a hit. The Fen Tigers played on Thursday, that made my day. Hanging out with Russ and his gorgeous little friend was the cherry on top of a huge cake with very sweet icing. Also, the "nickname" for the club is now Club Molly. How fucking sexy is that? Almost as sexy as Molly's Chambers, and that's sexy. Man, I have to become a regular, and smoke cigarettes through that long tube thing whilst wearing red. I shall become Molly.

Arms are aching and I'm being picked up around 4. Good times to roll on.

My heart is yours; it's you that I hold on to

What an utterly shit day. Completely bored and with nothing to do, but eat. I've finally worked out who my fitties are, and boy, this summer is going to be exciting.

I think I have one for each lesson, which should bring happiness and fulfillment to my days at college. Also, I might also get that glimpse from those familiar beady eyes which always appear completely out of knowhere, and keep me in wonder for the rest of the day.

So, tonight, staying in on a Friday night. Gone insane have you? Hell...no. I've just got no money and so much bov. I've been telling everyone that tonight I have a date, what I didn't tell them is that it is with my television. Suckers...at least now I seem like a stud. Party tomorrow night, so I'm not as lame as I thought. Go Team Rocket.

You telling me that I'm your Queen?

I am really brown, with long nails. What is going on? If the cellulite didn't exist I might even be beautiful. I love it when something fantastic occurs with the opposite sex, and for the rest of the day all you can think about is that thing, and what will happen tomorrow because of it.

Being smitten is probably the best feeling in the world, I bet guys don't ever feel the same way, I feel so privilegged to be female. Other moments I love are when you think that there is no way in hell that it will happen, and then it does. Just the way you would want it to. Finally, I think my favourite moments overall have to be the ones where you say to yourself: "if this happens, it's because he wants me". Then they totally happen, it's good.

I am currently listening to a song which sounds as though people are on a chariot in the desert and chasing Indians or something. It's good, and it is growing on me. I wonder if anything with Mr Smitten is going to happen today. I hope it does, because it has so far this weekend. Haha, I didn't put a space between the "far" and "this" and it said fart...

Happy Birthday Tabby, for the other day :), you are now one step closer to Adulthood...

I'll give you a race

Sleep on that floor, dream about me

Today I got a free day to the seaside. Complete with swimming, bathing, arcades and ice cream.

After my friend, Janine, purchased an ice cream, she walked down a slope. As she walked she tripped, fell, rolled then threw the ice cream in front of her. I had to walk straight pasther, and not help her up. This was clearly the funniest thing I had seen for a long time, I needed to laugh without her seeing me. It didn't work, because she heard me.

What's brown and floats? A brown boat.

We all went in the turquoise coloured sea, it was ever so chilly, but perfectly gorgeous. As was the day. We got out and bathed, after doing crazy dancing and throwing sand all over the place. I made friends with a girl called Hollie, we started talking about how I used to care about my breast size, so she made me some from the sand, what a sweet, sweet girl...

Got the bus back, swealtering, like a hot thing. Saw an old man loose his hat, that was amusing too.

I can't wait for tonight, it feels like a date, but it's with Tab.

Oh I said it would be perfect and it happened so it was perfect. I love you

Got to see you one last night

Don't I look a dish

This week break was supposed to be when I revised anything and everything I know about philosophy, and on the Friday night I have decided to revise.
My mum is out in town, ready to get my "revision cards" and paper pad, I can't wait, it's weird. I can't handle another drinking night, in which I have to wake up early. I slept about 48 hours yesterday, obviously that's a lie, but the sweat on the back of my neck made me reach this conclusion...so...here is what I have been doing the last week:

Sunday - William Braund's 20th Birthday
I was supposed to go to Lettie's, but I couldn't get hold of her, then I got a phonecall from Jeremy saying it was Will's birthday party at The Countryman, so I went.

This is Jeremy and I, after he had been calling the Polish Barmaid Banana. I don't think she appreciated it all that much, however. I did compliment on her fantastic eyeshadow. It was two-toned.

And to the right is Will and I. I'm glad this photo was taken, and I am glad I didn't stay over his as planned. We both clearly knew nothing would happen, it was just the scary thought of having to share with his brother, Beanie. He is named Beanie for a reason; he's actually Mr Bean. Perverted noises and all.

So, I managed to get home that night. Pissed as a coot. I went to sleep, and awoke, and went to Becky's.

Monday - Session with Rebecca Parnell

I got the bus up, after a mission and a half, no exageration. We got there and we went straight out, after changing into dresses and boots. We went to such a beautiful destination, I'm so glad that photos were taken. We found a swastika on the floor...that was after Becky had to retreat to another part of the bridge and a woman walked past, and I was laughing hysterically, and then a little boy swore at us when he walked past with his mum...strange.

We came home and watched Big Brother

Tuesday - Barnstaple with Pat and crew

Yeah, alright, so I was supposed to go to Fran's, but she cancelled. So I decided to join Becky when she had planned to visit her boyfriend. Scott, Josh and Itchy were there too. It was fun. Came home and met Tabby, with her new phone, we retreated to the golf course. And had fun.

Wednesday - the celebration of James Cole's 18th Birthday

I met Tab, with her newly extensionised hair, and we went into town. Made a mistake when I went into Corrin's work; didn't realise she'd be finishing at that time. Got the bus to Becky's, got ready, Janin came and off we went. I drank, I danced, I sang and I smoked. However, I didn't sleep.

Thursday - Jess's catch up on sleep day

Finally got home, went to sleep. Woke up to watch Big Brother. Slept again. Woke up to watch Big Brother again. Slept for a furthur 12 hours...

Friday - Revision day

I am going to have a bath, go to Pig's and revise. I might end up going out with Corrin tonight, see how things go. Thank you.

Strain this chaos; turn it into light

I am bored, with a week of nothing ahead of me. I need to find a date for Wednsday night, preferrably male, small and brown. If I hadn't smoked those 4 cigarette's on Friday night, it would have been over a week of non-smoking. I didn't have any yesterday though, and I'm not planning on having any tonight.

For fat snakes, nape. I like him

I can feel my world crumbling

So, considering I am currently experiencing a weekend, I can't say that I'm particularly too happy with it. My nose is the sorest thing in the world, I have used around 2 toilet paper rolls on it in the last 2 minutes, it just won't stop pouring the liquid out. However, due to this illness I have finally managed to complete my lace project. I am impressed with it, and I shall show you a wee snippit of the big bastard. It included 2 images, which were found on google. Here is the conclusion:


Conclusion
So, after all the research and information I have managed to collect, I have reached a conclusion on where I would like to be in the distant future. The job of a journalist sounded the least fun out of the three, and I am a thrill-seeker so I don't think journalism will be my dream career. The job of the novelist did sound quite exciting, I could write about everything and anything to my hearts content, but then I would have to hope that people would buy and love it. I would then feel under a lot of pressure when I released the next hit novel. Maybe a one-off book would be more appropriate, when I'm working as a lawyer earning £1,000,000 a month when I'm not writing about the little things in life which made it into a big deal. Which yes, does mean I have reached to my favourite out of the three jobs; music journalism. I love music, and the idea of being able to watch it live, write and about it, and be respected about your opinions on it after excite me a lot. Music and writing are probably my favourite aspects of my life, excluding alcohol, drugs and sex. But, I don't want to end up having a profession in them...so music criticism it is. I am aware of the unpredictable amounts of money, and I may "never make it". However, it looks as though I may possibly end up working for that Mr. Morrison to gain the mass amounts of money, that's when I'm not jamming at the latest Kings of Leon gig, completely off my face on heroin. Only kidding.

I'm pretty happy with that. So, know we all know what I'm going to become, lets just see who's comes into the future with me and makes my children.

Stop! It's too late; I'm feeling frustrated

So, last night consisted of vodka, a lot of sick, losing various types of footwear, regret and sex. I sound like such a stud, but it wasn't I who recieved the slap and tickle, no, I just had to stay at the house, in the fucking next room.

He gave me a lift home in the morning though, so it wasn't too bad. And as a nice surprise I found two of my friends asleep in my bed, shame they wasn't male, but...what can you do?

So, Becky and I came back from what I think was a fantastic day at college. Only because my dreams had finally became true, I had to shatter them in the night...it just doesn't matter anymore. I prepared our meal which was rice and salad. We got a taxi to Corrin's, I tried to make conversation but he wasn't having any of it. But, he did try to be humourous at the end of the journey, telling me it would cost £430. I just replied with "Oh right".

Drank, talked about Dave, talked about Karen and talked about Ben. When does a night go without the talk of these two wonderful people? Yes, two, Dave; you are a twat! Anyway, we were dancing and the taxi was due in about 15 minutes. I ran to the toilet and just threw up, around three times. I haven't thrown up due to alcohol in a long time, I was surprised. We entered the taxi, I was spinning and it was an incredibly blurry journey. We got into town and went to the Carriers and sat with Glen.

Do you think I was happy with shaking Danny Scott-Cummings hand or what? After throwing up around another 5 times in the Carriers toilets...Me, Pig, Mon and Becky had decided to get into Kazbar. Of course, Becky and I were rejected, so we headed down to Summerleaze beach to see if any of the meisters, fitties or cuteguys had arrived.

They hadn't, but...Russell was there, and he told me how him and Smeeth had discussed how funny I was and how much they missed me. It made my night. Janine texted me so Becky and I wondered back into town to meet her. There was this beautiful guy, the conversation went like this:

Me: I hope you're not urinating
Bloke: Nah I'm not
Bloke: Just tell me if the coppers come, I don't want to pay an £80 fine
Me: It's alright, they drove past just before you came out
Bloke 2: So whats the fastest way to get to Kazbar?
Me: Just go down there
Bloke 2: The one with the blue lights?
Me: Yes
Bloke: You fancy coming ladies?
Me: We've already tried! They wouldn't let us in
Bloke: Why's that?
Me: We're only 17
Bloke: Alright then, well have a good night
Me and Becky: AND YOU!

After that we heard this couple having a fight, the geezer came over, I asked if he was alright, he called his girlfriend a twat. His mate came over, he had a laugh with us, then the girlfriend came over, she was a little scary but she was friendly so it was ok. Then the police came to sort them out, it was then that the girl went all weird and started shouting at me and Becky because she thought we were laughing at them.

Janine came and we ran to the beach, we got there and there was not many people left. So we chatted with the people who were there, then Corrin rang so she came down with some cool people.

I got a piggyback from Phil, he totally wanted me. If only he fucking remembered everything I said. I must have told him my name about 5 times. He called me Sarah and Cara one time. But, he had remembered it towards the end of the night. So, Janine and Becky got a taxi back to mine as Becky had lost her flip flops. Me, Corrin, Aaron, Woodhouse and Phil went to Aaron's. Woodhouse soon left, I don't know what he had to do but it sounded important. I like him, we had a chat about my sister, Lisa, he was in her year at school. Corrin and Aaron went to bed, so I went to the spare room, I was secretly hoping for him to come upstairs...but I heard the front door shut.

Woke up at half 6, got a lift back and had doritoes for breakfast.

What a life I lead

Beautiful Dawn lights up the shore for me

I have been finding life extrememly satisfying recently. With the return to college I have lots of things to do, and lots of people to talk to. It's great being busy, but it's also great coming home and relaxing. This is my fourth day without a cigarette, I'm really quite impressed with myself.

I love the way it is becoming summer, I would never usually just grab beach stuff, a camera and a friend and trundle on to the beach, but that was a great day spent well.

I actually feel in love, that's how nice it is. People laying about in the sun, girls wearing pretty skirts, hair blowing in the wind, coffee outside.

I ruin it all by stalking the people laying about in the sun, wearing skirts which reveal my knees which are heavily complimented with cellulite, dyed yellow hair festering in the wind and spitting my coffee from my mouth when I'm drinking outside due to my funny friends.

Life is good, motherfuckers x

Gotta change my answering machine, now that I'm alone

So this week has been nice, I've managed to circulate all my friends and it's been good having a break from wanting all these men. They seriously do my head in, I've watched two films about men and relationships; Alfie and Hitch. Those guys seem so perfect, why can't that happen in real life?
I want a knight in shining armour to come and whisk me away. I want my dreams to come true. This is such a cheesey post! It's a cry for help, ok?

I do hope I manage to get to the party tonight, if I don't then I'll have fun at home though. I think I have some guys I need to see to...

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there? Did you get to be a star?

I am currently round Pig's, listening to the Goo Goo Dolls, and it feel so great to finally be reunited with my long-missed friends.



Today was surprisingly fun, I know what I'm feeling now. And I feel bad about it, but I can't help the way I'm feeling. It's worse for me, but I don't want it to be bad...
I have the best interests at heart.

It's lonely where you are come back down...please, come back down.

Pump it...louder!

I knew that my cello player would see me this morning. The text and enthusiasm to see the picture of the gollywog surprised me. He always manages to do that. I love it.

I felt like I have socialised a considerable amount today., I love those looks I get off that tall, dark and rather delicious stranger. It's so crazy how everyone can see it too, they must be so jealous.

I told my philosophy teacher that I thought arrogance was a vice. I only said this to spite the guy who has stolen my love. Although, it now appears, that my love has turned out to be of arrogance himself, which is not what I thought of him when we first exchanged words.

It's funny how things turn out; I've been waiting to poo all day long, literally all day, I'm home now, and have been for 2 hours, and still haven't been.

I'm surprised about the lack of turtle head...

Now touch me babe, can't you see that I am not afraid?

So, a night of attempted sleep, which was failed, miserably. I have now returned home with a titanic list of things to do. I will start off with a nice few hours of blissful sleep, this is always good for my amazing imagination to think of the most beautiful things in the world. Such as those gorgeous males you see walking around college, completely oblivious to your deepest, inner most thoughts about them.
When I wake, I shall put my cd on loud, and allow Pete Doherty's great and dance-causing melodies to play loudly throughout my house, forcing my father to listen to the works of a heroin addict who his youngest daughter is completely overwhelmed by.
I shall dance and tidy my room as I do so, to make it a nice environment for the next action...
To write about all my beautiful creations! Yes, Graphic Design coursework is due tomorrow. It should be quite easy.
I shall then do my law homework to the best of my ability, after getting a "U" in the exam, I think I should start putting more effort in. But hey, it was the highest "U" in the class...It seems like pretty easy work, so should be rather easy and not time-consuming. I shall then have a bath, so I am clean. I will then arrange my things for tomorrow, and sleep deeply whilst thinking about that gorgeous college guy again...

What a great day this shall be. And, I have found some great new songs.

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free

I am so bored. So uninspired. I've got no thoughts to build upon. No guys to build thoughts upon. I feel emotionally drained.

I'm back on the block like a man on the street

So. Today was the first day in a while where I have been so the opposite of happy! I think I got the negative vibes from my dream that I had the previous night. Also, the bang on the head on the bus was not only embarrassing, but a little hurtful...

I got a U in my law exam, that sucks...but what can you do? I've got no guys on the scene. I feel like the fattest single girl in the world, and that's a horrible feeling. But, Adam's party...

I'll be ready

So, it is the final day of my half term, and I have, yet again, left all my homework until the last minute. Due to the disasterous hair colouring which occured only but two days ago, I must re-colour it tonight. A blond again, of course :)

So yes, this blog entry is distract me from writing about Law Commission. I have so much to do tonight. I really want to get the two law pieces done, I must dye my hair, I must watch "Just The Two Of Us" at 8 and then "100 Greatest Funny Moments" at 9, probably ending with a bath later. So ideally, I would like the law work to be finished by 7. That means I have around 3 and a half hours. However, I appear to not hold the motivation. Instead I am listening to remixes of the Baywatch themetune, visualising in my head beautiful (blond) girls running along the beach with sand in between their clothes.

My arm aches, perhaps I shall "continue" with the law work in about half an hour. I really wish I was determined...

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

So after a week of near enough cleaning, no sleep and a lot of socialisation, my hair is slightly lighter, I owe a lot of money to a friend and there are 3 piles of dog shit in my front room.

It's been fun. My plans for today are to clean the entire house one last time, before my family return and ruin it all for me, then to clean myself and then perhaps have a night filled with dancing, alcohol and laughing. Weekends are always fun. I must also write in my diary, haven't done that since Sunday. I'm so lame!

I actually want to go back to college, I'm bored of cleaning and doing nothing. Although this last week has actually been really fun...

I don't feel like I can write today. Got things to do and my thumb is cold.

Smell ya later

So baby don't feel no pain, just smile back

On a brighter note...

I had a bath with the door open :)

We all know how much Jess loves that

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

So, I can tell my parents have gone away.
I know this because I have been cleaning, it's been fun, actually. I can also tell that I haven't been out in a while as I am using envelopes as rizlas. No one will come over to my house! What have I done to deserve friends that aren't friends?
HA, I'm only joking, Pig; you cunt.

You know you broke my heart

This is a picture my friend took and edited.
I think it looks gorgeous.
And of course, I was the model.
Here is what my eye looks like normally.
Thought I'd leave my face in, as it's nice.

I look so dazed, so happy

And then here's the eye

And then here's me.
Looking REALLY happy.
Because I was happy. I love friends.

No, no I don't know the German guy in front of me.